[a习作temp] argument205 (限时刚刚完成) 大家看看吧，带上自己得链接，必回改！ [复制链接]

chenxg
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-3-2 12:50:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument205: 425 words 30 minutes
The following appeared in a recommendation from the president of Amburg's Chamber of Commerce.
'Last October the city of Belleville installed high intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined almost immediately. The city of Amburg has recently begun police patrols on bicycles in its business district but the rate of vandalism there remains constant. Since high intensity lighting is apparently the most effective way to combat crime, we should install such lighting throughout Amburg. By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city.'

The argument draws the conclusion that Amburg should install high intensity light in order to decline vandalism on the basis of the fact that vandalism declined almost immediately after the city of Belleville installed such lighting in its central business district. However the argument provides no relationship between installing high intensity lighting and declining vandalism, it is unpersuasive on several grounds.

First of all, the argument fails to assure that vandalism declined is reason that city of Belleville installed such lighting. It is possible Belleville adopt another power policies to attack vandalism happened during the same time to install high intensity lighting. For example government of Belleville has increased the number of policeman patrol. Probably Belleville increase education for most people. And these reasons are attributed to decline vandalism. So it needs more information whether installing high intensity lighting contribute to decline the rate of vandalism if keeping another situations same.

Additionally, the argument provides no evidence that rate of vandalism remains constant in Amburg is because no installing high intensity lighting. It is possible that the quality of people in Amburg is worse than that of people in Belleville. And the number of drunk people in Amburg are more than in Belleville. In addition just dependent on one year data it is too hasty to draw the conclusion. Maybe the situation is exception in Belleville. It is entirely possible that big number of migration have happened in Amburg, which make rate of vandalism constant. So it need some surveys to assure me that rate of vandalism remains constant in Amburg is because no installing high intensity lighting

Furthermore, even if installing high intensity lighting can have effect on declining vandalism in Belleville it is hasty to draw the conclusion that same situation will happen in Amburg. Because of different environment in two cities, it is possible that what happened in Belleville will not happen in Amburg. Installing high intensity lighting can have effect on declining vandalism in Belleville. Probably it works in Amburg, not works in Belleville. Another important reason is that policeman patrols on bicycles in its business district, and such way cannot work to decline the rate of vandalism. It is possible that people doing vandalism have more advanced traffic way than policeman so that people have the behavior of vandalism can escape successfully. So it can attain the effect to punish vandalism.

In sum, to support the argument's conclusion it would need more detailed information as follows: whether installing high intensity lighting contributes to declining vandalism in Belleville or not; whether rate of vandalism remains constant in Amburg is because no installing high intensity lighting; and it is better to compare situation between Amburg and Belleville.

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chinhoi
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-2 14:38:53 |只看该作者

感觉你第三段关于警察的内容可以放在第二段，因为第三段讲的是错误类比，而第二段是讲Belleville采取什么样的措施
另外，感觉第三段末尾有点点乱，像最后一句So it can attain the effect to punish vandalism.是说什么能够punish vandalism？前面一句是在说警察交通工具太差，所以抓不到人啊。当然也可能是我没看懂……
不过我想把警察加入第二段，能使论证更成分些，而第三段就着重讲错误类比，可能会更好些

我的作文的链接，希望你有时间也看一下吧
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=251563

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zqimagine
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-2 15:24:24 |只看该作者

Re: argument205 (限时刚刚完成) 大家看看吧，带上自己得链接，必回改！

看了一下，
第一段和第二段都可以归为它因导致可以适当合并，
第三段是比较错误。
其实还有一个可批判的点是“the most effective way ”难道就没有other solution了吗？
还有关于这句话By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city.' 没有证据表明the decline of neighbourhood and crime rate have a cause-effect relationship.^_^

我的链接，请稍微看一下，谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=251741

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