[经典批改讨论] ISSUE144 BAXIA小组作业 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-11-24 22:20:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 473 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2006-11-19

When people come across the question: is it an artist or critic who gives society something of lasting value, they are always confused and misled to a dilemma that albeit artists create the art work, it is critics who reveal the value of art. As the matter of fact, it is the other way round. In my point of view, I concede that critics have contributes to the development of art and society greatly, as for the lasting value, however, it must be originated from immortal artists and their work.

First and foremost, immortal work of artists contribute greatly on the way that human discover their spiritual world. Every great artist must have eminent clairvoyance and courage to explore the unknown inner part of human spirit and emotion with endless endeavor. Homer's two epic poems--Iliad and Odyssey, Shakespeare's tragedies and comedies, all of them reflect the contemplation of the artists concerning the humanity. Van Gogh's Sunflower, Picasso's Dove, both of them express the angles they felt about the world. It seems that the artists are in some sense cosmic beings, violently and lovely contrast with us suburban creatures because of their unique penetration and expression. Moreover, in the process of discovering and exploring, profound and intricate emotions have been put into the artwork that every audience can feel the love and belief of the artists. Specifically when it comes to literature, with expressing the deep emotion and profound ideas, innovative words would be created. It is said that there are one in third of English idioms and proverbs that comes from or relates to Shakespeare’s work, which any Shakespeare researchers can never achieve. All these expression of their comprehension and emotion are the frution of their endless exploration and contemplation, which will be precious treasure of human beings forever.

Secondly, art and its appreciation are based on pure experiences, visual, aural, and spiritual, always beyond language in any kind of form. Numerous critics try to explain what the art want to express, what techniques it applies, but these evaluations cannot replace the experience of audience's own. In fact, it is difficult for any of us, no matter critics or normal people, to grasp the moments of intense aesthetic experience, because it is intensely moving, just like a glimpse of the lights from another world. Greater than our suburban world that we can describe; for language, invented to convey the meaning of our world, cannot fit for the other aesthetic world beyond us. Even having heard of the characteristics of Beethoven's symphony, audiences still feel spiritual and emotional shock when they appreciate the great music. Even having been introduced the content of Mark Twain's novel, audience would still be absorbed in the development of episode and the destiny of characters. Making an analogy, critics are always like the bishops, but the artists are the gods, the artwork would be the Holly Bible. Sermon made by bishops and vicars can never supersede common Christians’ own meditation and contemplation of the Holly Bible. Vicars try to explain, but all the belief is held by common Christians themselves. They believe the God, not the bishops. They read Bible and try to talk with God in that way, just like the audience feel the spiritual world of the artists. At that time, critics are just like the guides on the way of experience.

Thirdly, artists and their works are beyond time and locality; they transcend the varieties of culture and tradition. At the community level, immortal art is the corporate treasure of all human beings in any period and any place, because the greatness would have different comprehension in different circumstances. However, critic's evaluation is usually constrained by their time and value system; it is just a reasonable explanation based certain period and cultural background, and thus it may only applied in certain period and cultural background. At the individual level, different people would have different angles and thus different comprehension about the art. The evaluations of critics are just their individual opinions, always based on their own social background and life experience, which makes their commentary usually restricted in specific fields or angles. It is said that there are one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people’s mind. The one in critic’s mind is just one of the thousands of images of Hamlets. In one word, due to that greatness would be applied in different time and locality, the artists may give the world lasting value.

Everyone can be a critic, however not everyone can be an artist. Everyone can appreciate, however not everyone can create. The everlasting value, including the thoughts and ideas about universe and human, the explanation and expression of beauty and truth, is placed by the great artists and their immortal work, while critics are the guide on the way to experience.

[ 本帖最后由 ddloveyy 于 2006-12-1 00:01 编辑 ]

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沙发

发表于 2006-12-1 18:14:08 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 473 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2006-11-19When people come across the question: is it(怎么觉得这个开头到句子末尾也没个结尾呢?)an artist or critic who gives society something of lasting value, they are always confused and misled (建议把这两个词互换一下,先MISLED才导致CONFUSED,当然这是小毛病了,其实无所谓)to a dilemma that albeit artists create the art work, it is critics who reveal the value of art. As the matter of fact, it is the other way round. In my point of view, I concede that critics have contributes(contributions,,后面的greatly提前比较好) to the development of art and society greatly, as for the lasting value, however, it must(过于绝对了吧,I里还是少用的好) be originated from immortal artists and their work.First and foremost, immortal work of artists contribute greatly (和CONRIBUTE接的介词没有)on the way that human discover their spiritual world. Every great artist must have eminent clairvoyance and courage to explore the unknown inner part of human spirit and emotion with endless endeavor. (个人觉得在举例子前最后弄个标志词来提醒一下那些智商有点问题的老美比较好)Homer's two epic poems--Iliad and Odyssey, Shakespeare's tragedies and comedies, all of them (要用这个的话,
hem指work，而前面提到的主体是俩人。所以建议改为：Iliad and Odyssey of Homer, Tragedies and comedies of Shaekspear, 最好再加一个人。。)reflect the contemplation of the artists concerning(on) the humanity. Van Gogh's Sunflower, Picasso's Dove, both of them express the angles they felt about the world. It seems that the artists are in some sense cosmic beings, violently and lovely contrast with us suburban creatures (新四背的不错啊,呵呵,但放在这里感觉没必要和咱们普通大众比吧)because of their unique penetration and expression. Moreover, in the process of discovering and exploring, (总觉得这句话的主语有点别扭,前面discover&exploring的主语在哪里?)profound and intricate emotions have been put into the artwork that every audience can feel the love and belief of the artists. Specifically when it comes to literature, with expressing the deep emotion and profound ideas, innovative words would be created. It is said that there are one in third of English idioms and proverbs that comes(come) from or relates (relate)to Shakespeare’s work, which any Shakespeare researchers can never achieve. All these expression of their comprehension and emotion are the frution(有这个词吗) of their endless exploration and contemplation, which will be precious treasure of human beings forever.(个人感觉例子和你要说的主体意思关系不大)Secondly, art and its appreciation are based on pure experiences, visual, aural, and spiritual, always beyond language(和上文你说的SHAKESPEARE有冲突,那个是说LANGUAGE好的,这里又说不好,所以最好先定义下是哪种ART) in any kind of form. Numerous critics try to explain what the art want to express, what techniques it applies, but these evaluations cannot replace the experience of audience's own. In fact, it is difficult for any of us, no matter critics or normal (ordinary)people, to grasp the moments of intense aesthetic experience, because it is intensely moving, just likea glimpse of the lights from another world. Greater than our suburban world that we can describe(如果我们世人无法理解描述的话,何来VALUE呢?); for language, invented to convey the meaning of our world, cannot fit for the other aesthetic world beyond us. Even having heard of the characteristics of Beethoven's symphony, audiences still feel spiritual and emotional shock when they appreciate the great music. Even having been introduced the content of Mark Twain's novel, audience would still be absorbed in the development of episode and the destiny of characters. Making an analogy, critics are always like the bishops, but the artists are the gods, the artwork would be the Holly Bible. Sermon made by bishops and vicars can never supersede common Christians’ own meditation and contemplation of the Holly Bible. Vicars try to explain, but all the belief is held by common Christians themselves. They believe the God, not the bishops. They read Bible and try to talk with God in that way, just like the audience feel the spiritual world of the artists. At that time, critics are just like the guides on the way of experience. (HOLLY BIBLE这个例子,个人认为举的有点冒险,涉及到宗教的,怕是引起阅卷人的不满,如果他也是个信徒的话.当然如果你也是,而且有把握能把这个说清楚,还是可以的.)Thirdly, artists and their works are beyond time and locality; they transcend the varieties of culture and tradition. At the community level, immortal art is the corporate treasure of all human beings in any period and any place, because the greatness would have different comprehension in different circumstances. However,(通常,你这个转折后接你要表达的重要的意思的话,要尽量的放前面些,放到这里老外是要憋很大一口气读到这里才放松的) critic's evaluation is usually constrained by their time and value system; it is just a reasonable explanation based certain period and cultural background, and thus it may only applied in certain period and cultural background. At the individual level, different people would have different angles and thus different comprehension about the art. The evaluations of critics are just their individual opinions, always based on their own social background and life experience, which makes their commentary usually restricted in specific fields or angles. It is said that (前面说SHAKESPEARE时候用这个句式了,这里最好换一下)there are one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people’s mind. The one in critic’s mind is just one of the thousands of images of Hamlets. In one word, due to that greatness would be applied in different time and locality, the artists may give the world lasting value.Everyone can be a critic, however not everyone can be an artist. Everyone can appreciate, however not everyone can create.(很好) The everlasting value, including the thoughts and ideas about universe and human, the explanation and expression of beauty and truth, is placed by the great artists and their immortal work, while critics are the guide on the way to experience.(在正文中没有体现出来)

写的不错，句式变化很好。不过个人觉得例子偏长。
段落内部的结构挺好，把握的不错。（除了第三段的However）
段间的层次关系，我看的不是很清楚。TS看起来比较的累。
段与段之间没有一个很明确的主线，要是能有的话，阅卷就会比较的轻松
我建议以后附上提纲吧~。这样也能防止自己跑题或者什么的
由于这道Issue比较抽象，又是艺术类的，属于比较难写的一篇文章。而lasting value是一个相对比较关键的词汇，所以我觉得Lasting Value能在一开始就定义一下就好了，比如把段末提前到前面叙述一下。
这样也可以有一点前后的呼应

[ 本帖最后由作文版全体版主于 2006-12-2 07:59 编辑 ]

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ddloveyy
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板凳

发表于 2006-12-2 09:26:56 |只看该作者

先谢谢众斑斑,辛苦啦!

下面是关于本文批改的一点回应,以前小组里被批后我都有回应的.

When people come across the question: is it(怎么觉得这个开头到句子末尾也没个结尾呢?)an artist or critic who gives society something of lasting value, (个人觉得到这里是那个问题question,后面是句子的主干,是不是冒号使用有问题?应该用从句解释question?)they are always confused and misled (建议把这两个词互换一下,先MISLED才导致CONFUSED,当然这是小毛病了,其实无所谓)to a dilemma that albeit artists create the art work, it is critics who reveal the value of art. As the matter of fact, it is the other way round. In my point of view, I concede that critics have contributes(contributions,,后面的greatly提前比较好) (写错了,应该是contributed)to the development of art and society greatly, as for the lasting value, however, it must(过于绝对了吧,I里还是少用的好) (呵呵,偶写问向来都比较绝对,小组组员也批评过我.我一直没有改,因为我觉得issue就是要表达个人观点.本文也基本没什么让步,因为我就是觉得must come from artists) be originated from immortal artists and their work.

First and foremost, immortal work of artists contribute greatly (和CONRIBUTE接的介词没有)(?不太明白,解释下)on the way that human discover their spiritual world. Every great artist must have eminent clairvoyance and courage to explore the unknown inner part of human spirit and emotion with endless endeavor. (个人觉得在举例子前最后弄个标志词来提醒一下那些智商有点问题的老美比较好)(我改自己的文时也有这点想法,不过觉得在这放个for example or for instance之类很破坏意境的说)Homer's two epic poems--Iliad and Odyssey, Shakespeare's tragedies and comedies, all of them (要用这个的话,them指work，而前面提到的主体是俩人。所以建议改为：Iliad and Odyssey of Homer, Tragedies and comedies of Shaekspear, 最好再加一个人。。)(这两个哥哥对西方意识形态的形成的贡献最大,目前偶还木有找到第三个可以和二者并论的artists,holly bible应该不算art吧,而且它也没有artists)reflect the contemplation of the artists concerning(on) the humanity. Van Gogh's Sunflower, Picasso's Dove, both of them express the angles they felt about the world. It seems that the artists are in some sense cosmic beings, violently and lovely contrast with us suburban creatures (新四背的不错啊,呵呵,但放在这里感觉没必要和咱们普通大众比吧)(说实话这句真的是硬塞的,不过觉得也有一点合适,是不是对suburban creature做一些修正的好哩?我潜意识的把critics归为suburban creatures了)because of their unique penetration and expression. Moreover, in the process of discovering and exploring, (总觉得这句话的主语有点别扭,前面discover&exploring的主语在哪里?)(这里discovering和exploring应该是做名词使吧?需要主语?)profound and intricate emotions have been put into the artwork that every audience can feel the love and belief of the artists. Specifically when it comes to literature, with expressing the deep emotion and profound ideas, innovative words would be created. It is said that there are one in third of English idioms and proverbs that comes(come) :p from or relates (relate):$ to Shakespeare’s work, which any Shakespeare researchers can never achieve. All these expression of their comprehension and emotion are the frution(有这个词吗) (1,pleasurable use or possession:ENJOYMENT; 2,a) the state of being bearing fruit. b) realization----M-webster.有是有的,不知合适否)of their endless exploration and contemplation, which will be precious treasure of human beings forever.(个人感觉例子和你要说的主体意思关系不大)(哪个例子呢?对于前亮个例子,现在想想有一点问题,应该着重强调下他们对意识形态的贡献,对于老沙对语言的贡献那个写的时候也在想,确实和TS不附,但是这是个绝妙的critics不可能做到的事,加到下面两段就更不对了,不知斑斑有何高见)

Secondly, art and its appreciation are based on pure experiences, visual, aural, and spiritual, always beyond language(和上文你说的SHAKESPEARE有冲突,那个是说LANGUAGE好的,这里又说不好,所以最好先定义下是哪种ART) (其实偶觉得无论literature or painting or music,都是超越人类语言形容的,literature也是靠大脑感知的,这里的language应该是特指critics那种解释性语言吧) in any kind of form. Numerous critics try to explain what the art want to express, what techniques it applies, but these evaluations cannot replace the experience of audience's own. In fact, it is difficult for any of us, no matter critics or normal (ordinary)people, to grasp the moments of intense aesthetic experience, because it is intensely moving, just likea glimpse of the lights from another world. Greater than our suburban world that we can describe(如果我们世人无法理解描述的话,何来VALUE呢?);(可以理解,但是无法用语言精确描述理解的内容,不知是否有点抽象?) for language, invented to convey the meaning of our world, cannot fit for the other aesthetic world beyond us. Even having heard of the characteristics of Beethoven's symphony, audiences still feel spiritual and emotional shock when they appreciate the great music. Even having been introduced the content of Mark Twain's novel, audience would still be absorbed in the development of episode and the destiny of characters. Making an analogy, critics are always like the bishops, but the artists are the gods, the artwork would be the Holly Bible. Sermon made by bishops and vicars can never supersede common Christians’ own meditation and contemplation of the Holly Bible. Vicars try to explain, but all the belief is held by common Christians themselves. They believe the God, not the bishops. They read Bible and try to talk with God in that way, just like the audience feel the spiritual world of the artists. At that time, critics are just like the guides on the way of experience(和结尾那句一样的说). (HOLLY BIBLE这个例子,个人认为举的有点冒险,涉及到宗教的,怕是引起阅卷人的不满,如果他也是个信徒的话.当然如果你也是,而且有把握能把这个说清楚,还是可以的.)(这点偶倒是没注意,我不是信徒,不过我觉得信徒都是信上帝的,不是信神甫的,至多是尊敬)

Thirdly, artists and their works are beyond time and locality; they transcend the varieties of culture and tradition. At the community level, immortal art is the corporate treasure of all human beings in any period and any place, because the greatness would have different comprehension in different circumstances. However,(通常,你这个转折后接你要表达的重要的意思的话,要尽量的放前面些,放到这里老外是要憋很大一口气读到这里才放松的) (那前后都是重要意思呢?我在这想用个转折而已)critic's evaluation is usually constrained by their time and value system; it is just a reasonable explanation based certain period and cultural background, and thus it may only applied in certain period and cultural background. At the individual level, different people would have different angles and thus different comprehension about the art. The evaluations of critics are just their individual opinions, always based on their own social background and life experience, which makes their commentary usually restricted in specific fields or angles. It is said that (前面说SHAKESPEARE时候用这个句式了,这里最好换一下)(我先哭一下,句式贫乏啊,文章一旦写长就暴露了,表达同样的意思,斑斑有何高见)there are one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people’s mind. The one in critic’s mind is just one of the thousands of images of Hamlets. In one word, due to that greatness would be applied in different time and locality, the artists may give the world lasting value.

Everyone can be a critic, however not everyone can be an artist. Everyone can appreciate, however not everyone can create.(很好) The everlasting value, including the thoughts and ideas about universe and human, the explanation and expression of beauty and truth, is placed by the great artists and their immortal work, while critics are the guide on the way to experience.(在正文中没有体现出来)(体现在第二body的结尾处)

写的不错，句式变化很好。不过个人觉得例子偏长。(所有的例子都是一举话,就是举得人太多了,555)
段落内部的结构挺好，把握的不错。（除了第三段的However）(恩,这个要请教,有时只是一个简单的转折,不能用however和but,能用什么词哩?)
段间的层次关系，我看的不是很清楚。TS看起来比较的累。(是并列关系,first and foremost,secondly and thirdly)
段与段之间没有一个很明确的主线，要是能有的话，阅卷就会比较的轻松 (并列关系可以算主线吗?)
我建议以后附上提纲吧~。这样也能防止自己跑题或者什么的 (555,以前都是有提纲的,后来基本发的文章木有人改了)
由于这道Issue比较抽象，又是艺术类的，属于比较难写的一篇文章。而lasting value是一个相对比较关键的词汇，所以我觉得Lasting Value能在一开始就定义一下就好了，比如把段末提前到前面叙述一下。 (强烈同意,如果我在首段定义lasting value体现在bodyTS所列的那三个方面,那么再写就顺理成章了,是吧?)
这样也可以有一点前后的呼应

再次谢谢斑斑们的辛勤工作,如果可以的话,能给个大概的分数吗?让我心里有点数.

哎,好久没有挨拍,现在心情好激动的说,谢谢斑斑.

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