[活动] 【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第八次作业by Amber [复制链接]

Amber0926
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-2-12 21:49:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

1、High schools, universities and colleges should spend less time teaching about general subjects and spend more time teaching about preparing for future career and jobs.
we are always on the arduous journey in seeking for the answer of this question: which is the fundamental task of students in university? A multitude people believe that students should focus on preparing for their future jobs, for
selecting an optimal job in their future is the real object in their lives. Contary to the opinion of this people, is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that teachers should spend more time to impart knowledge of general subjects to students.

It is goes without saying that general subjects ,the basic knowledge should be mastered by students. To be a student, accumulating sufficient knowledge is the first and the foremost step preparing for future career. we can take a glance at a common example, my sister, who is an outstanding department manger in her company. when she first enlist this position, seldom can applicant provide a concrete representation of basic subjects, while she supply a well score report of those,which lead to she to be succeed. Fortunately, the detail of her resume attracting the leader of human resource mangement, who notice that my sister bear a quality of acquire so much knowledge and information of general subject. It is just the company necessary that a person have correlative and broad horizon. With the preparation of obtain adequate basic knowledge, my sister find a good job and achieve her dream.

Another point shoud mentioning is that schools spend less time teaching about general subjects, which is advise to edify students intelligence and form a good habit. If schools extremely emphasize preparation of their future jobs, students may fail to pay more attention to their basic task in school. In that way, students ignore to learn enough knowledge and may form some bad habit in study. To illustrate, suppose a students invariably prepare to future job and excuse that he is busy doing some practical work instead of concentrate on any general subjects. Finally, not only can give rise to he learn less knowledge but also may fail to put himeself into preparation of career even or internship.

Based on all the facts previously stated, we may safely draw the conclusion that people without education are like flowers without sunshine, while general subjects are like the dazzling beam of sunlight for students in school.

怕赶不上时间匆忙写了篇，其他两题的提纲稍后补上

Amber, TOEFL, TWE, 作文, 作业

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holding
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沙发

发表于 2009-2-13 16:56:54 |只看该作者

1、High schools, universities and colleges should spend less time teaching about general subjects and spend more time teaching about preparing for future career and jobs.
we （We 大写）are always on the arduous journey in seeking for the answer of this question: which （大写）is the fundamental task of students in university? A multitude people believe that students should focus on preparing for their future jobs, for selecting an optimal job in their future（重复，去掉） is the real object in their lives. Contary （Contrary,拼写错误）to the opinion of this people, is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that teachers should spend more time to impart knowledge of general subjects to students.（开头不好，只讲了university，而忽略了题目中的high schools and colleges）

It is goes without saying that general subjects, the basic knowledge should be mastered by students. （这句话作为第二段的主题句不够明确，逗号前后两句话之间要有连词表明其间的联系）To be a student（个人觉得改为as a student比较好）, accumulating sufficient knowledge is the first and the foremost step （of）preparing for future career. we （大写）can take a glance at a common example, my sister, who is an outstanding department manger in her company. when she first enlist this position, seldom can applicant provide a concrete representation of basic subjects, while she supply a well score report of those, which lead to she to be succeed（改为success）. Fortunately, the detail of her resume attracting the leader of human resource mangement , (拼写错误) who notice that my sister bear a quality of acquire so much knowledge and information of general subject. It is just the company necessary that a person have correlative and broad horizon. With the preparation of obtain adequate basic knowledge, my sister find a good job and achieve her dream.(例子叙述过长，句子信息量少，应该引用例子多阐述一些道理)

Another point shoud mentioning （？？？？你是不是想说should be mentioned？）is that schools spend less time teaching about general subjects, which is advise to edify students intelligence and form a good habit. If schools extremely emphasize preparation of their future jobs, students may fail to pay more attention to their basic task in school. In that way, students ignore to learn enough knowledge and may form some bad habit in study. To illustrate, suppose a students invariably prepare to future job and excuse that he is busy doing some practical work instead of concentrate on any general subjects. Finally, not only can give rise to he learn less knowledge but also may fail to put himeself （拼写错误again）into preparation of career even or internship.,

on all the facts previously stated, we may safely draw the conclusion that people without education are like flowers without sunshine, while general subjects are like the dazzling beam of sunlight for students in school.
希望以后发作业到版上之前可以先自己修改一下，贴到word里面就可以看到的错误先修改一下，对自己的提高比较大

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roinyou
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板凳

发表于 2009-2-14 17:28:53 |只看该作者

we are always on the arduous journey in seeking for the answer of this question: which is the fundamental task of students in university? A multitude of people believe that students should focus on preparing for their future jobs, for  `7 @; d9 e) k6 }! O, s& S
selecting an optimal job in their future is the real object in their lives. Contary to the opinion of this people, is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that teachers should spend more time to impart knowledge of general subjects to students.

It is(删除) goes without saying that general subjects ,the basic knowledge should be mastered by students. To be a student, accumulating sufficient knowledge is the first and the foremost step preparing for future career. we can take a glance at a common example, my sister, who is an outstanding department manger in her company. when she first enlist(was enlisted) this position, seldom can applicant provided a concrete representation of basic subjects(对学科做陈述？), while she supplys(supplied) a well score report of those,which lead to she to be succeed(lead to her success). Fortunately, the detail of her resume attracting the leader of human resource mangement, who notice that my sister bearing a quality of acquire(of 后面直接原型) so much knowledge and information of general subject. It is just the company necessary that a person have correlative and broad horizon. With the preparation of obtain adequate basic knowledge, my sister find a good job and achieve her dream.$ u+ w6 k  g' r9 ]
7 v3 m6 {# P" p  l3 k# L" I
Another point shoud mentioning(be mentioned) is that schools spend less time teaching about general subjects, which is advise to edify students intelligence and form a good habit(语法和逻辑都看不懂). If schools extremely emphasize preparation of their future jobs, students may fail to pay more attention to their basic task in school. In that way, students ignore to learn enough knowledge and may form some bad habit in study. To illustrate it, suppose a students invariably prepare to future job and excuse that he is busy doing some practical work instead of concentrate on any general subjects. Finally, not only can give rise to he learn(倒装not only can he give rise to learning)less knowledge but also may fail to put himeself into preparation of career even or internship.

on all the facts previously stated, we may safely draw the conclusion that people without education are like flowers without sunshine, while general subjects are like the dazzling beam of sunlight for students in school

这篇文章语法错误太多了，千万注意下次放word里改改再提交。
展开议论中，第一点和第二点说明的观点似乎接近，还有第二点也不清楚你的中心句的意思。

突破没有极限

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