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[活动] TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组tp_ningchen第十次作业 [复制链接]

tp_ningchen
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-3-7 21:19:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams

If I were a governor and had to choose to spend money between arts and athletics, I’d rather support of athletics. That’s a dilemma, however, in light of the two aspects; I believe the pros of this decision overweight the cons. If anyone disagree the title statement, my following perspectives will change your mind.
The point of pinnacle importance for my preference focuses on that the number of the Chinese people who have the ability to take part in sport is much more than they enjoy arts. Our country is still in the elementary period of social democracy; our governments have to spend the money in the foremost part. For a country, the people are the vital components, as to an individual, the physical fitness is the fundament of his or her career, family, almost everything. Take the 2008 Olympic games for example, Beijing show a modern, different, amazing china on the eyes of all over the world’s people. The terrific performance of our excellent athletes let the whole world suspire for the rapid developing of china.
With the first point stands the second demonstrating that the spirit of the sport. We all know the Olympic stands for higher, faster and stronger, which illuminate the people’s incessant pursuit for progress. In other words, the sport inspires people, it brings courage, strength and hope to the people who devote their enthusiasm and sweat to it.
On the other hand, widely acknowledged, the health of the psyche is as important as the physical fitness. According to the above points, we all admit that the sport has the benefit in both psyche and corporeity, and I prefer that education is the key to the psyche of a country. Arts, obviously, is only a part of education, there is no reason for it to gain the more support from the government than sport.
I don’t mean the arts are not important, but it’s not the fortress in today’s situation. With lots of elements in comparison, the sport reaches the positive in the dominant place, and the conclusion is in favor of the former.

Dark, ningchen, TOEFL, Tournament, 作业

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jenniferwyy
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沙发

发表于 2009-3-8 11:32:11 |只看该作者

If I were a governor and had to choose to spend money between arts and athletics, I’d rather support of athletics. That’s a dilemma, however, in light of the two aspects; I believe the pros of this decision overweight the cons. If anyone disagree the title statement, my following perspectives will change youe mind.
The point of pinnacle importance for my preference focuses on that the number of the Chinese people who have the ability to take part in sport is much more than they enjoy arts. Our country is still in the elementary period of social democracy; our governments have to spend the money in the foremost part. For a country, the people are the vital components, as to an individual, the physical fitness is the fundament of his or her career, family, almost everything. Take the 2008 Olympic games for example, Beijing show a modern, different, amazing china on the eyes of all over the world’s people. The terrific performance of our excellent athletes let the whole world suspire for the rapid developing of china.（感觉这段怪怪的读不到要支持体育事业的论证）5 B: F O6 _. y m X4 n% R
With the first point stands the second demonstrating that the spirit of the sport. We all know the Olympic stands for higher, faster and stronger, which illuminate the people’s incessant pursuit for progress. In other words, the sport（s） inspire people, it brings courage, strength and hope to the people who devote their enthusiasm and sweat to it.
On the other hand, widely acknowledged, the health of the psyche(physics) is as important as the physical fitness. According to the above points, we all admit that the sport has the benefit in both psyche and corporeity, and I prefer that education is the key to the psyche of a country. Arts, obviously, is only a part of education, there is no reason for it to gain the more support from the government than sport.（我看到文章里面有很多psyche什么意思啊字典里么查到啊）I don’t mean the arts are not important, but it’s not the fortress in today’s situation. With lots of elements in comparison, the sport reaches the positive in the dominant place, and the conclusion is in favor of the former.
文章用词很丰富呀

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soilinkin
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板凳

发表于 2009-3-9 11:33:50 |只看该作者

If I were a governor and had to choose to spend money between arts and athletics, I’d rather support of（不要of） athletics. That’s a dilemma, however, in light of the two aspects; I believe the pros of this decision overweight the cons. If anyone disagree the title statement, my following perspectives will（用may会不会好些） change your mind.

The point of pinnacle importance for my preference focuses on that the number of the Chinese people who have the ability to take part in sport is much more than they（who） enjoy arts. Our country is still in the elementary period of social democracy; our governments have to spend the money in the foremost part. For a country, the people are the vital components, as to an individual, the physical fitness is the fundament of his or her career, family, almost everything. Take（taking） the 2008 Olympic games for example, Beijing show a modern, different, amazing china on the eyes of all over the world’s people. The terrific performance of our excellent athletes let the whole world suspire for the rapid developing of china.

With the first point stands the second demonstrating that the spirit of the sport. We all know the Olympic stands for higher, faster and stronger, which illuminate the people’s incessant pursuit for progress. In other words, the sport inspires people, it brings courage, strength and hope to the people who devote their enthusiasm and sweat to it.

LZ的词汇句式都很丰富...结构也没什么问题...看来我能帮你的不多了...

god's in his heaven
all's right with the world

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tp_ningchen
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地板

发表于 2009-3-9 11:54:19 |只看该作者

2# jenniferwyy
psyche是心智，灵魂的意思

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tp_ningchen
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5楼

发表于 2009-3-9 11:55:55 |只看该作者

呵呵，谢谢你们的批改，我的作文是花了有一个多小时修修改改才完成的，要是考试是没这水平的

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soilinkin
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6楼

发表于 2009-3-9 23:26:11 |只看该作者

呵呵...LZ的水平的确不俗的...看你的文章感觉没什么大毛病可挑了...不用谦虚...大家互相进步...

god's in his heaven
all's right with the world

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网兜妮妮
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7楼

发表于 2009-3-13 19:09:17 |只看该作者

If I were a governor and had to choose to spend money between arts and athletics, I’d rather support of athletics. That’s a dilemma, however, in light of the two aspects; I believe the pros of this decision overweight the cons.（这句放在首段很好呀，学习了） If anyone disagree the title statement, my following perspectives will change your mind.（楼主的第一段写的很生动呀，喜欢）
point of pinnacle importance for my preference focuses on that the number of the Chinese people who have the ability to take part in sport is much more than they enjoy arts. Our country is still in the elementary period of social democracy; our governments have to spend the money in the foremost part. For a country, the people are the vital components, as to an individual, the physical fitness is the fundament of his or her career, family, almost everything. （这句的结构很喜欢，对上下文的承接也起了很好作用）Take the 2008 Olympic games for example, Beijing show a modern, different, amazing china on the eyes of all over the world’s people. The terrific performance of our excellent athletes let the whole world suspire for the rapid developing of china.（本段的论据很有说服力）.7 H*（本段 C/ （（（H7 K5 n$ T4 f
With the first point stands the second demonstrating that the spirit of the sport. （承接很好，向楼主学习）We all know the Olympic stands for higher, faster and stronger, which illuminate the people’s incessant pursuit for progress. In other words, the sport inspires people, it brings courage, strength and hope to the people who devote their enthusiasm and sweat to it.
On the other hand, widely acknowledged, the health of the psyche is as important as the physical fitness. According to the above points, we all admit that the sport has the benefit in both psyche and corporeity, and I prefer that education is the key to the psyche of a country. Arts, obviously, is only a part of education, there is no reason for it to gain the more support from the government than sport.
I don’t mean the arts are not important, but it’s not the fortress in today’s situation. With lots of elements in comparison, the sport reaches the positive in the dominant place, and the conclusion is in favor of the former.

楼主的语言运用能力很强，尤其是结构上的承接句自然流畅，向楼主学习。
论证方面如果几个论点（原因）能有递进关系的话，估计表达的效果会更好了。当然这是努力方向了，我的作文也是，结构方面希望做的更好，毕竟老美是挺看重结构的。
一起加油~

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