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[a习作temp] Argument10 【四人行小组】第1次作业小白 [复制链接]

by19900610hnyt UID: 2658516 by19900610hnyt 当前离线最后登录 2012-4-21 在线时间 375 小时寄托币 1003 声望 41 注册时间 2009-6-29 阅读权限 0 帖子 2 精华 0 积分 812 UID 2658516 禁止访问声望 41 寄托币 1003 注册时间 2009-6-29 精华 0 帖子 2 主页发消息	电梯直达楼主发表于 2009-7-8 19:32:40 \|只看该作者 \|倒序浏览提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽 Argument, 四人行, 小白
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goldentu
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发表于 2009-7-9 16:29:41 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 goldentu 于 2009-7-9 16:35 编辑

In this letter with the statement that the amount of dairy farms has increase increased while the price of milk doubles last 10 years, the arguer concludes that the regulation of retail milk prices is necessary to balance the market. Although the argument seems to be well-presented, however, it is not well-reasoned and leads to an unconvincing conclusion. 引用刚学来的经验，开头一定要精彩，这个很重要，作者可以把本开头用到任何一篇arg中，这恰恰是本开头的不好之处。这个，我做的也不好，一起学习吧.
Firstly, the total number of dairy farms is not a good indication to the supply of milk in the market. So it is not valid to claim that the supply of milk increased due to the 25 percent increase in the number of dairy farms. It is entirely likely that the increase number accompanies with 这个词组用的很好哦，要学习一下 the decrease in throughput per farm which leads to a possible decline in supply. Meanwhile, an alternative alternative用在这里好像不太合适，因为这句话跟上句话应该是进一步的解释的关系，而不是并列的两种可能which cannot be overlooked is that the owners of dairy farms reduce their production on purpose waiting for a higher price so that they can get more revenues through an unbalanced market. Considering these possibilities, the assumption that the increase of dairy farms leads to more supply of milk, upon which the conclusion is based, is unsubstantiated.
Moreover, the price of milk at a single market is not representative. So without more overall data about the price in Batavia, it is impossible to apply the doubled price to the whole market confidentially. Perhaps that the price of most commodities in Excello Food Market is higher than ordinary stores and groceries, so the higher price of milk gives a false impression of the market. In addition, unknowing the price after the adjustment of the inflation, it is hard to evaluate the price reliably. These possibilities mean that without more accurate economic data, the conclusion that the price of milk is higher than expectation is one-handed.
Therefore, 连词运用的不准确，这段罗列的是另外一个错误，跟前面没有因果关系，因此应该用moreover之类的词without taking the possibilities mentioned above into account, simply solving the problem by the regulation could be dangerous in many cases. For example, if the supply of milk is actually inadequate, the regulation of retail milk prices may leads to a severe shortage which could be a disaster to the fragile market. In order to take sufficient and proper measures to balance the market, the Batavia government should undertake more investigation on different aspects and take every possibility into account when constituting the regulation.
To sum up, ignoring the alternatives mentioned above which may reflect the truth significantly, the solution which the arguer proposed is not necessary and sufficient. Only by collecting more significant statistics about the supply demand and taking it into account all snidely 这个词好像不正确 ,can the Batavia government make the best choice to balance the market.
本文段间的衔接不是很好，要注意各段之间的关系。不过每段的论证还是很充分的～

by19900610hnyt UID: 2658516 by19900610hnyt 当前离线最后登录 2012-4-21 在线时间 375 小时寄托币 1003 声望 41 注册时间 2009-6-29 阅读权限 0 帖子 2 精华 0 积分 812 UID 2658516 禁止访问声望 41 寄托币 1003 注册时间 2009-6-29 精华 0 帖子 2 主页发消息	板凳发表于 2009-7-9 23:05:44 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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