[a习作temp] 【kaleidoscope】第六次作业 ARGUMENT53 by wdassfm [复制链接]

wdassfm
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-8-12 00:53:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 wdassfm 于 2009-8-12 13:58 编辑

53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

The arguer conducted a survey to trace infants, who have shown the sign of distress to certain stimuli, until their teens. With these teenagers' claim of shyness and the analysis of their special birth times, the conclusion seems logical. Yet a second thought on the arguer's deduction may reveal many flaws.

First of all, a survey merely covering 25 subjects apparently lacks strength, in which case lots of phenomena observed may due to coincidence. Like the link of these distressed infants and their seemingly special birth time, and the arguer's failing to point out the actual number of infants born in early autumn by just using the word "many" can also wick the compelling force.

Secondly, the arguer seems to confuse the "distress" and "shyness". In my point of view, the word "distress" only indicates that the infants are sensitive to stimuli around them, while "shyness" is the characteristic of a person, which may not necessarily be sensitive. Just as in many cases, the students who are outwards are inclined to respond more quickly to the questions they are asked.

Still, in the later survey, these teenagers’ responses may not make sense, for shyness may be the characteristic of a large fraction of teenagers, especially when they are faced with strangers. And there is no evidence showing under what circumstance is this survey conducted and whether these questions are leading. For example, if you go straight to these youth and ask them whether they feel they are shy without any explanation, chances are that they will be queasy about your question and remain silence, and your translation of silence to shyness will shadow the truth. Granted that they treat your survey severely and the their answers match with their characters, without evidence to show "more than half" of these children are just those who were born in early autumn, the conclusion that shyness will continue to later life is merely curtly drawn. Besides, the arguer fails to give the phrase "later life" a clear definition, which is misleading in that it also indicates their adulthood. And no information related is given.

Though autumn is a time when melatonin increase in a pregnent woman, whether the other kinds of hormones which also affect brain function will increase or decrease remains to be related about. In addition, the role environment plays in an individual's development can be vital to some extent. Perhaps the survey was carried out in an region where children are taught of the virtue of being modest, and their shyness, therefore, is due to the influence of outside world.

In conclusion, to substantiate the relation between distress and birth time, as well as effect of a certain hormone, the accuracy of certain words should be emphasized and more children should be traces as well.

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cloverlanpus
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-12 18:02:15 |只看该作者

The arguer conducted a survey to trace infants, who have shown the sign of distress to certain stimuli, until their teens. With these teenagers' claim of shyness and the analysis of their special birth times, the conclusion seems logical. Yet a second thought on the arguer's deduction may reveal many flaws.（开头很好啊，鼓掌~）

First of all, a survey merely covering 25 subjects apparently lacks strength, in which case lots of phenomena observed may due to coincidence. Like the link of these distressed infants and their seemingly special birth time, and the arguer's failing to point out the actual number of infants born in early autumn by just using the word "many" can also wick the compelling force. （短了点，可以再深入些）

Secondly, the arguer seems to confuse the "distress" and "shyness". In my point of view（权威性差些，稍微换下语言）, the word "distress" only indicates that the infants are sensitive to stimuli around them, while "shyness" is the characteristic of a person, which may not necessarily be sensitive. Just as in many cases, the students who are outwards are inclined to respond more quickly to the questions they are asked. （明确定义。观点很好，我没有想到，向LZ学习。还是短了点)

Still, in the later survey, these teenagers’ responses may not make sense, for shyness may be the characteristic of a large fraction of teenagers, especially when they are faced with strangers. And there is no evidence showing under what circumstance is this survey conducted and whether these questions are leading. For example, if you go straight to these youth and ask them whether they feel they are shy without any explanation, chances are that they will be queasy about your question and remain silence, and your translation of silence to shyness will shadow the truth. （例子形象）Granted that they treat your survey severely（这个词感觉语气有些过了） and the their answers match with their characters, without evidence to show "more than half" of these children are just those who were born in early autumn, the conclusion that shyness will continue to later life is merely curtly drawn. Besides, the arguer fails to give the phrase "later life" a clear definition, which is misleading in that it also indicates their adulthood. And no information related is given.

Though autumn is a time when melatonin increase in a pregnent woman, whether the other kinds of hormones which also affect brain function will increase or decrease remains to be related about. In addition, the role environment plays in an individual's development can be vital to some extent. Perhaps the survey was carried out in an region where children are taught of the virtue of being modest, and their shyness, therefore, is due to the influence of outside world.

In conclusion, to substantiate the relation between distress and birth time, as well as effect of a certain hormone, the accuracy of certain words should be emphasized and more children should be traces as well.

（LZ的语言和观点都很好，没有模版的痕迹，鼓掌~。就是在结构上有点乱，看不出中间的几段是怎么划分，感觉像是想到哪里写到哪里，二三段信息不太充分，第四段又一下有了很多点。再明确下结构更好。还有就是每一点可以深入展开一下，LZ批驳的点很多，但重点不明确，有点杂，建议选几个点深入写。）

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