求拍-issue37

xiao-hu-tu-shenUID：2681670

TOPIC:
ISSUE37 - "In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect."

The speaker claims that competition does more harm than good to our society as a whole.
Although I agree that undue competition do have some bad effects to our society, I disagree with generation of the speaker's statement. In my point of view, the good that competition does to our society overweighs its harm.

Competition helps with the evolution of our society. Nobody will disagree that our society are evolving faster than ever before, and I will point out the significant work that competition does to this change.


First, competition can help us be better of ourselves for society. With competition, people are always inspired to keep moving towards given targets for fear that they will one day be passed by or left behind by others. By competing with peers for scholarship, a student works hard on his work and always tries to learn new skills, thus resulting in a better understanding of his or her study and a greater future. By competing with co-workers for good opportunities for promotion or better salary, a worker does work more effectively, thus leading to greater profits to his or her company. By competing with other candidates for the same official position, a candidate try best to know better about what are needed to be done to better our society. All these examples demonstrates the good effect of competition on individuals of society which ultimately contributes to the evolution of the society as a whole

Secondly, competition can better shape corporation and governments which can leads to great changes to our society. Mechanics of competition helps us kick out those corporations whose products can not fulfill the needs of people of society out of market. With the pressure of being kicked out, the corporations work as efficiently as possible to better the product's design and try different ways of promotion. Similarly, official organizations in competition have to work effectively in solving society's problems, or they may be replaced by governments with other form of constitution. The shaping effect of competition generally helps people shape their own society.

Admittedly, over-done competition do no good, even harm to our society. It is competition that can cause serious physical or mental disease to individuals of society.
Consider those athletes who try their best to compete for great achievements in Olympic Games or other kinds of matches. Over-done competition can lead to not only pressure but also physical troubles of body or even worse disability. Students studying in an undue competition environment of peer pressures may suffer mental problems, affect their healthy grow-up and may lead to pessimistic endings. Undue competition also harms the successful development of economy. It will finally leads to the condition that only one or few corporation holds a special economy aspect, and this in turn weakens the effect of competition which a successful market needs.

In sum, although over-done competition does have bad effect on our society, I still do not agree with the speaker's statement. Since competition help improve each individuals of society and help shape our market, we should no t put an end to the competition mechanism.
Instead, we just need to try our best to control the competition which tends to get over-done.   

stanzyUID：2629386

a candidate try best to know显然这里应该是tries
我主要从内容上看了看，居然还不错。明确写除了competition的重要性和competition的危害。甚至对我还有启发：有些事情可以competition,比如商业竞争和竞技比赛。但是有的事情，比如艺术，我是说钢琴比赛，就不适宜竞争。因为评委的口味不同，第一名往往是没有性格的重用的选手，这样泯灭了艺术的独特性。而且对其他选手是不公平的。

感谢楼主的分享。我现在正需要灵感呢：）

xiao-hu-tu-shenUID：2681670

我对电脑屏幕的感觉不好，现在看很多错误当时都不知道，包括issue 56 那篇少了很多的which，多谢指出。

lazyboyUID：2314767

我觉得你写的挺好的，思维很流畅，语言也挺通畅的，不过First那一段，感觉罗列得有点多有点累赘的感觉，一点点个人意见~

cjtramellUID：2698447

Whose society you are referring to?  The author argues a general pattern:  the fact that a given society is harmed by fierce competition doesn't undermine his claim.  My point:  "our society" is ambiguous.  "Evolution of our society" reminds people of social Darwinism.  

You switched your thesis in the second paragraph.  Suppose competition speeds up "evolution of society", is it really a good thing?  What do you mean exactly by the evolution of society?  Is there a developmental narrative for society?  What is it?  You strayed from the central claim.

ZeldashdjnUID：2701581

楼主，你好！我也是刚刚在练iusse，互相切磋吧，呵呵。下面是我看过后的感觉，共勉啦。注：黄颜色是你的逻辑链接点，红颜色的是我感觉有些不妥的地方，让你见笑了。
求拍-issue37
TOPIC:
ISSUE37 - "In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect."

The speaker claims that competition does more harm than good to our society as a whole.
Although I agree that undue competition do have some bad effects to our society, I disagree with generation of the speaker's statement. In my point of view, the good that competition does to our society overweighs its harm.

Competition helps with the evolution of our society. Nobody will disagree that our society are evolving faster than ever before, and(besides个人觉得and的逻辑联系性不强) I will point out the significant work that competition does to this change.


First, competition can help us be better of ourselves for society. With competition, people are always inspired to keep moving towards given targets for fear that they will one day be passed by or left behind by others. By competing with peers for scholarship, a student works hard on his work and always tries to learn new skills, thus resulting in a better understanding of his or her study and a greater future. By competing with co-workers for good opportunities for promotion or better salary, a worker does work more effectively, thus leading to greater profits to his or her company. By competing with other candidates for the same official position, a candidate try best to know better about what are needed to be done to better(improve那个better可以当动词吗？) our society. All these examples demonstrates the good effect of competition on individuals of society which ultimately contributes to the evolution of the society as a whole

Secondly, competition can better shape corporation and governments which can leads to great changes to our society. Mechanics of competition helps us kick out(总觉得这个短语有点口语化啊，eliminate ) those corporations whose products can not fulfill the needs of people of society out of market. With the pressure of being kicked out, the corporations work as efficiently as possible to better the product's design and try different ways of promotion. Similarly, official organizations in competition have to work effectively in solving society's problems, or they may be replaced by governments with other form of constitution. The shaping effect of competition generally helps people shape their own society.

Admittedly, over-done competition do no good, even harm to our society. It is competition that can cause serious physical or mental disease to individuals of society.
Consider those athletes who try their best to compete for great achievements in Olympic Games or other kinds of matches. Over-done competition can lead to not only pressure but also physical troubles of body or even worse disability. Students studying in an undue competition environment of peer pressures may suffer mental problems, affect their healthy grow-up and may lead to pessimistic endings. Undue competition also harms the successful development of economy. It will finally leads to the condition that only one or few corporation holds a special economy aspect, and this in turn weakens the effect of competition which a successful market needs.

In sum, although over-done competition does have bad effect on our society, I still do not agree with the speaker's statement. Since competition help improve each individuals of society and help shape our market, we should no t put an end to the competition mechanism.
Instead, we just need to try our best to control the competition which tends to get over-done.   

总体写的蛮好的，观点很清晰，不过LZ貌似很喜欢用better这个词，总是出现啊~还有就是例子举得太多了，所有论述段都是一句Main Idea然后跟一大推的例子，缺少了说理，感觉有点单调。而且整篇文章句式都很简单，基本都是简单句，如果加些复杂句会比较出彩。

ZeldashdjnUID：2701581

怎么都成黑色字体了，抱歉啦。