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感动一下。。终于开张了。。T-T
The condition (This word can mean many things, and probably is too vague for your examiner to guess what you meant to express. I know the Chinese expression 学习条件 is widely used, but that's because we all know what it implies, more or less. A phrase like 'condition of study', on the other hand, doesn't translate to any similar understanding. Plus, if you use 'THE condition', it implies there is one particular condition of study that is in discussion, which, obviously, is not what you're trying to imply.) (If you're not able to be concise, try to at least EXPLAIN, e.g. 'Conditions of study, such as the physical environment in the room or the social atmosphere during study activities, are important factors in the process...' ) of study (, which plays an important role in the process and outcome of study, often leads to a hot debates among students. (Generally speaking, it's often safer to keep plurals with plurals. 'a hot debate among students' is implying that there's only one such debate.) Some students consider that studying alone benefits us (Who? Mixing 1st person with 3rd person like this is confusing.) more. However, others stand on thea different ground.: (The colon is a good device for show off when appropriate: it signals your reader to expect more information/explanation, therefore creates a natural and comfortable flow of logical reasoning.) They belive studying with a group of people is better. As far as I am concerned, I prefer the latter opinion. In the following passages, I will use specific reasons to illustrate my my point of view.
First, to sudy with a group of students will do a great help for our study. Suppose you have taken part in a study group, you can study together with others? (I understand that 'you' can be both singular and plural, but don't let it be both singular and plural in the same sentence.) to discuss the problems you may meet in certain subjects. ThreeTwo heads are better than one. (In Chinese we do say 三个臭皮匠赛过诸葛亮 but please don't assume the same in another language, so if you plan to use proverbs, make sure you get them correct.) so The problems can be solved efficiently. (Loosely connected sentences are entirely acceptable and perfectly understood in Chinese, less so in English.) And (Starting a sentence with 'and' is weak in tone. You may use 'also' or a stronger 'therefore'.) when the final exams are coming you can be clear about what you should review since you have discussed the problems with your group members. The scores of the exams will tell you the progress you have made. (I don't see what this has to do with the previous sentence, or your topic about 'studying in a group'. What exactly is the relationship between ' clear about exam review' and 'scores of the exams'?) I do agree to study with a group of students.
Second, if we join a group of students to sudy, we will make more friends. For instance, my friend Lily once had few friends. But after she took part in a study group to pass the College Entrance Examination you can often see her talking with her friends happily on the campus. Lily told me that the students in her group were very kind and they? always encouraged her and she did appreciate this kind of relationship. Now she not only has passed the big exam, but also has gotten some good freinds. We should study with a group of students, shouldn’t we? (Let me give this logic a twist: if you make friends by joining a sports team, are these friends going to be equally good for you, since you were describing how friends are good and helpful? Have you ever thought about WHAT EXACTLY is the merit of the study group? Is it just the friends, or the friends who STUDY WITH YOU? Think about it.)
Finally, attending a group of students (If you 'attend' people, it means you take care of them.) to sudy, we can have a lot of fun. Suppose you meet a mathe problem in your study, you may think it is so boring and lose your pacience to study. But (Similar to a previous comment about starting a sentence with 'and', 'but' is a weak conjuction that shouldn't head a sentence. You may use 'however' or 'yet'.) if you study with a group of students, you can make jokes with each other and you may forget the bad mood because of the laughters. Or you feel happy to study just because one of your group members says you look great today. There are so many examples. Can studying with a group of students benefit us more? The answer is definitely “positive". (I don't see how being happy in a study group can 'benefit' you because there're many other ways to be happy and relaxing. Don't assume that your reader will know your assumption of 'being happy benefits studying because you'll be more relaxed and motivated to study in a good mood'. Tell them.)
(This is similar to the comment for the 'Second' paragraph: from your argument, I understand that being in a group is good, but why must it be 'study' in a group? This question is asking you about two options, therefore you should focus on the differences between the options.)
Taking all the factors above into account, we may safely arrive at the conslusion that studying with a group of students is a wise option. It can help us study, bring more friends for us and make a lot of fun in our daily life. However, we can also see the problems that we may meet if we study together., and for example, sometimes it will take a long time for us to discuss and we may be disturbed by other members when we sutdy atin one room. But compared with the benefits we can get from it (What? The subject is too far away from this pronoun for the reader to remember.), I will also (still) hold the opinion that it is a wise, rational and sensible option to study with a group of students.
(Again, one fussy examiner may ask: aren't there so many things that can 'bring more friends' or 'make a lot of fun in our daily life' out there, that I may still enjoy if I'm studying alone? What exactly is so good in studying with a group that is BETTER THAN studying alone, that makes you prefer the former?)
总结:
语言,词汇和逻辑上来说,没有什么很严重的问题,注意一下写作语言尽量避免口语化的倾向。
最主要的是对于问题来说,逻辑不够有力。这个问题在出两个很明确的命题给你的时候,它的潜台词便不是单纯的what's good about studying in a group, 而是why is studying in a group more preferable than studying alone,或者说,它是在要你多少证明一下A>B,而不是仅仅A is large. 不过不一定需要很用力地写,稍微说一下study alone相比study in a group的不足就可以了。那么这类型的文章我就不能说一定是不好,要看考官觉得如何~单以托福的要求来说的话,是满足的,但是以个人的眼光来看的话,这个逻辑还没有达到能够圆满地说服读者的程度。
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