[求助] carrie的独立作文2.2 [复制链接]

carriexu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-2-2 20:18:08 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

2.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide.
When we decide to go travelling,the first choice we have to made is travelling by ourselves or travelling in a group led by a tourist guide.It is difficult to have a good choic because they both have their own merits.But in my opinion,travelling in a group led by a tourist guide has more limitations than travelling by ourselves.
Firstly,if we choose to travel in a group,we have to follow the schedule of the group.The travel agencies will arrange the hotels to live,the places to visit and even the time to set off.We have no opportunities to make the travel meet our needs.What’s worse, sometimes after travelling in a group,we feel much tired and stressful.Take my own experiece as example.When I was in middle school ,I first traveled to HongKong in a group.At the beginning of the tour,the tourist guide told us we would set off at 7o’ clock every morning.It was really a nightmare to me because I had to get up at 6 o’clock,even earlier than I stayed at home.What’worse,the tourist guide always kept talking on the bus.I even couldn’t sleep a while on the bus.I had planed to go travelling to relax myself,but this tour brought me more tireness rather than pleasure.
Secondly,if we choose to travel in a group, sometimes we may find out we spend a lot of money on things we don’t really like.We may be arranged to visit some places that we have no interests at all.Worse,some travel agencies even arrange their tourists to spend more time in shops rather than at the scenic sights. I once had a such terrible experience.During the tour,we moved on quickly when we were at scenic sights,but the tourist guide spent a lot of time persuading us to buy some jewellery in a shop.For my part,travelling is a way to learn culture and customs, to widen horizon and to relax, so this kind of travelling seems to be a waste of time to me.
To sum up,I admit that travelling in a group has conveniences.For example,the tourist guide’s knowledge help us learn the foreign culture more easily.The tourist guide can also help us overcome the
language barriers.However,by careful preparing, we can have a much more successful self-help travel.We can choose certain places to visit and certain time to move on.Travelling by ourselve will bring us more personal freedom.

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amanda_qinyy
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沙发

发表于 2010-2-3 11:43:53 |只看该作者

2.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide.
When we decide to go travelling,the first choice we have to made（make） is travelling by ourselves or travelling(可省略) in a group led by a tourist guide.It is difficult to have a good choic because they both have their own merits.But in my opinion,travelling in a group led by a tourist guide（可以换个说法，和前面重复了） has more limitations than travelling by ourselves（再加一句，强调self-service is my choice会更好）- ））再7 r# }- y
Firstly,if we choose to travel in a group,we have to follow the schedule of the group.The travel agencies will arrange the hotels to live,the places to visit and even the time to set off.We have no opportunities to make the travel meet our needs.What’s worse, sometimes after travelling in a group,we feel much tired and stressful.Take my own experiece as example.When I was in middle school ,I first traveled to HongKong in a group.At the beginning of the tour,the tourist guide told us we would set off at 7o’ clock every morning.It was really a nightmare to me because I had to get up at 6 o’clock,even earlier than I stayed at home.What’worse,the tourist guide always kept talking on the bus.I even couldn’t sleep a while on the bus.I had planed to go travelling to relax myself,but this tour brought me more tireness rather than pleasure.3 } v9 r! j i* R: t
Secondly,if we choose to travel in a group, sometimes we may find out we spend a lot of money on things we don’t really like.We may be arranged to visit some places that we have no interests （in/on）at all.Worse（？）,some travel agencies even arrange their tourists to spend more time in shops rather than at the scenic sights. I once had a such terrible experience.During the tour,we moved on quickly when we were at scenic sights,but the tourist guide spent a lot of time persuading us to buy some jewellery in a shop.For my part,travelling is a way to learn culture and customs, to widen horizon and to relax, so this kind of travelling seems to be a waste of time to me.
以上两段，都是在讲travel in a group的不好，而应该强调的是为什么self-service trip好，为什么你选择它。以此为重点，再加上自己参团的不好的经历来衬托它的好。
HTo sum up,I admit that travelling in a group has conveniences.For example,the tourist guide’s knowledge help us learn the foreign culture more easily.The tourist guide can also help us overcome the language barriers.However,by careful preparing, we can have a much more successful self-help travel.We can choose certain places to visit and certain time to move on.Travelling by ourselve will bring us more personal freedom.应该以此展开写的!
personally speaking, 我认为楼主的作文，主要问题是在篇章的内容安排上面，然后，用词方面比较平实，而且重复使用的词汇很多。（跟我一样的毛病。。。）中间两段中，都用到举例，都是列举了自己的亲身经历。但是，可否内容不变，其中的一个换成比如说是我朋友的经历...

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carriexu
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板凳

发表于 2010-2-3 14:17:36 |只看该作者

2# amanda_qinyy
谢谢批改~~句式和词汇平淡一直是我最大缺点。每次看大家的文章都感觉自己的是白开水。
不过关于要不要强调self-help travel 优点这点，其实我感觉可能是对题目理解不同。我的理解是题目并没有要表明self-help travel有多好，只是问travel in a group是不是best的，我的观点只是着重强调他不是best，至于self-service到底有多好，我感觉不是需要重点讨论的。
当然文章观点这种东西看法总有不一样，我看这道题的时候也在考虑要不要强调self-service，不过后来还是觉定不太强调它。。。

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carriexu
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地板

发表于 2010-2-3 23:09:25 |只看该作者

（把2.1的作文做了点修改，不过不是很多）
When we decide to go travelling,the first decision we have to made is travelling by ourselves or in a group led by a tourist guide.It is difficult to have a good choic because they both have their own merits. But in my opinion,travelling in a group led by a tourist guide has more limitations than travelling by ourselves.
Firstly,if we choose to travel in a group,we have to follow the schedule of the group. The travel agencies will arrange the hotels to live,the places to visit and even the time to set off.Everything is arranged so that we have no opportunities to make the travel meet our own needs.What’s worse,travelling in a group sometimes even make us feel more tired and stessful.Take my brother’s experience as example.After taking college entrance examination,my brother traveld to HondKong in a group to relax himself.However,what he experienced was really a nighmare to him. Everymorning,in order to get on the bus on time,he had to get up at 6o’clock,even earlier than he stayed at home.What’ worse,his tourist guide kept taking on the bus,so he even couldn’t sleep a while on the bus.This tour brought my brother more tireness rather than pleasure.
Secondly,if we choose to travel in a group, sometimes we may find out we spend a lot of money on souvenirs we don’t really like.We may be lead to visit some places that we have no interests on.Worse,some travel agencies even arrange their tourists to spend more time in shops rather than at the scenic sights. I once had a such terrible experience.During the tour,we moved on quickly when we were at scenic sights,but the tourist guide spent a lot of time persuading us to buy some jewellery in a shop.For my part,travelling is a way to learn culture and customs, to widen horizon and to relax, so this kind of travelling seems to be a waste of time to me.
To sum up,I admit that self-help travel also has disadvantages.For example,when preparing our own trips,we may facing some difficulties,such as reserving hotels,booking air tickets and missing some scenic sights.However,with the development of the Internet,it becomes much easier for us to gain information and experience from other people.By careful preparing, we can have a much more successful self-help travel.However,travelling in a group bring us more unconvenience,which makes the travel less appealing to us.
（这里悲惨的经验完全属实…）

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