[a习作temp] argument 142 球拍 by charles [复制链接]

charlesAFA
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-2-12 00:05:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 charlesAFA 于 2010-2-12 00:11 编辑

题目：ARGUMENT142 - The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and the well-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.
字数：442
用时：00:27:50
日期：2010/2/11 16:44:42

Grounding on a study, the researchers found a correlation between high levels of iron and an increased risk of heart disease. One step closer, with the well established link between red meat and heart disease and the fact that there is high iron in red meat, the arguer concludes that the correlation between red meat and heart disease is the same with the reason of correlation between high iron and heart disease. It appears logical.

However, on further reflection, it reveals many fallacies. First, we must make clear the iron in red meat is iron element. Secondly, other elements or compound can cause the result. Finally, what is the link between red meat and heart disease should be indicate clearly. I will discuss each reason of these facets.

To begin with, it is indeed that there is high iron in red meat. While the statement only explains that the red meat is high in iron. It is very possible that the iron in red meat is a kind of iron compound. As is known to all, there is a huge difference between the iron element and the iron compound. Therefore, the correlation is probably not caused by iron. Without more details, I cannot be simply swayed by such arguments.

Even if the iron in meat can be proved somehow iron element, the arguer fails to rule out other alternative explanations. That is, the red meat contains many other element and compound. On the one hand, perhaps, the other element or compound is the direct factor which causes the heart disease. On the other hand, it is may be the case that other element and compound react with the iron in the red meat when in the process of cooking. Such reasons cannot be easily ignored.

Although these reasons can be excluded somehow, the arguer should also articulate the link between red meat and heart disease is the same with the high iron and heart disease. It might be the case that the red meat can decrease the risk of heart disease. Or perhaps, compared with iron function, the function of red meat may not lead to a serious heart disease. In short, the link between red meat and heart disease cannot amount to the correlation between high iron and heart disease.

Overall, the argument, while it seems plausible at first, contains many flaws mentioned above. A more specific statement about the formation of iron in red meat and other possible influence of element and compound is needed in order to make the argument forceful. To further improve the conclusion, the arguer should make more research about the effects of iron and red meat in perspective.

analysis
A:
Iron increase -> heart disease increase
Red meat large amounts-> influence heart disease
Red meat contain iron
C: both -> (function in heart disease)is equaled
my point
Contain iron, iron compound or element?
Other element and compound react
Influence not clear

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sunskystar
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沙发

发表于 2010-2-12 05:16:06 |只看该作者

Green = to add
Purple = to drop
Orange =not sure how to correct but it doesn't sounds right
Red= to change
blue = suggestion

Grounding on a study, the researchers found a correlation between high levels of iron and an increased risk of heart disease. One step closer, with the well established link between red meat and heart disease and the fact that there is high iron content in red meat, the arguer concludes that the correlation between red meat and heart disease is the same with the reason of correlation between high iron and heart disease. It appears logical.However, on further reflection, it reveals many fallacies.
First, we must make clear(sure) the iron in red meat is iron element. [I don't get what you try to say in the underlined part] Secondly, other elements or compounds can(may also) cause the result. Finally, what is the link between red meat and heart disease should be indicated clearly. I will discuss each reason of these facets(aspects? facts?).To begin with, it is indeed that there is high iron in red meat. While the statement only explains(states) that the red meat is high in iron. It is very
possible(you can say it is very likely but not very possible)that the iron in red meat is a kind of iron compound. As it is known to all, there is a huge difference between the iron element and the iron compound. Therefore, the correlation is probably not caused by iron. Without knowing more details, I cannot be simply swayed (?)by such arguments.Even if the iron in meat can be proved somehow is iron element, the arguer fails to rule out other alternative explanations(possibilities). That is, the red meat contains many other elements and compounds. On the one hand, perhaps, the others element
or compound
is the direct factor which(that) causes the heart disease. On the other hand, it is may be (is and be can't exist in the same time)the case that other elements and compounds react with the iron in the red meat when in the process of cooking. Such reasons cannot be easily ignored.Although these reasons can be excluded somehow, the arguer should also articulate the link between red meat and heart disease is the same with the high iron and heart disease. It might be the case that the red meat can decrease the risk of heart disease. Or perhaps, compared with iron function,(not sure what you mean by function?) the function of red meat may not lead to a serious heart disease. In short, the link between red meat and heart disease cannot amount to the correlation between high iron and heart disease.
Overall, the argument, while it seems plausible at first, contains many flaws mentioned above. A more specific statement about the formation of iron in red meat and other possible influence of element and compound is needed in order to make the argument forceful. To further improve the conclusion, the arguer should make more research about the effects of iron and red meat in perspective.