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[活动] 7.17作业 [复制链接]

wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	电梯直达楼主发表于 2010-7-17 22:30:15 \|只看该作者 \|倒序浏览提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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ilovelss
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沙发

发表于 2010-7-19 09:35:56 |只看该作者

1# wangruitong24

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	板凳发表于 2010-7-20 23:00:24 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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againpro
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地板

发表于 2010-7-21 18:40:05 |只看该作者

很抱歉，我和你分到一组了。我自己是n年来第一次写英语作文，要去改别人的文章着实很抓狂。我觉得你写的比我好多了。

就个人观点而言，只是觉得 Therefore, making money is a strong motivation for businessmen. Certainly, there are some of the businesspersons who become so crazy about earning profits. 这两个相似句式挨得太近，是不是可以改其中一个。比如前面的 Making money hence is a strong ... 或者其他什么.

哥等签证面谈中

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	5楼发表于 2010-7-21 23:47:31 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	6楼发表于 2010-7-27 15:55:08 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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高小鱼
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7楼

发表于 2010-7-28 13:37:15 |只看该作者

收到你对我写的文章批改了，非常感谢。我自己写完也觉得结构不是很好，看来下笔之前还是需要列个大概的提纲，这样结构不容易脱缰。回头再好好看~

我的意见见附件，以修订标记修改~

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littlekuo
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8楼

发表于 2010-7-28 19:32:44 |只看该作者

不好意思，由于我是新人，现在还没有上传附件得权限，我就先暂且简单说一下。其实我觉得你的文章逻辑不错，想的论点很好，我有时候甚至对想不出来合适得论点发愁，即使想出来合适得论点，有没有好的例子支持，最后只能编出来一个什么my friend啊，my uncle的什么事，后来我读了你作文发现，其实这些例子就在我们日常生活中，由其是你说的这个McDonald的例子，我觉得真的很不错。再说论点，文章的第三段那个fast和convenient的说的也很好，很有说服力。
我的建议仅供参考，我觉得假如我们每一段论证结束之后，要是再有那么一两句话总结一下，起到再次强调的作用我觉得也许会更好。

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	9楼发表于 2010-7-29 11:49:29 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	10楼发表于 2010-7-30 11:12:34 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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wendychueng
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11楼

发表于 2010-7-30 17:02:18 |只看该作者

9# wangruitong24
修改后的作文

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cocojames
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12楼

发表于 2010-7-31 12:47:12 |只看该作者

9# wangruitong24

The high fluidity of today's job market lies in the high frequency of job transition. Young people nowadays would like to try several different jobs before staying in a long term career. Some criticize this behavious for they believe too many change of jobs would reduce working efficiency. While I believe experience of various field could assist young people to find their dreaming career as well promote their skills. Therefore, it is a good idea for young people try a bunch of other jobs before taking a long term career.+

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Admittedly,one could gain higher achievement if s/he stays in one business for longer time. Practice makes perfect. As long as one could gain more experience in one field, s/he would be able to promote the productivity in that area by concluding errors and faults before. Take my friend, Tony who is a software engineer, for example. At the very beginning of his job, Tony always makes mistakes for the unfamilarity of the software grammar. With time going by and more experienc being gained, Tony is able to handle his work at high efficiency. Staying in one career and long term working in one field could promote the working s

However, young people could find out what they really are interested in and what fits them better by trying different jobs. In this way, they could avoid the unfortunate situation of sticking to the field they have no interest. Immature as young people are, they may probably falls into the fields that are not attractive to them on earth. Without switching job, they have to stick in(stick in有道上的解释是“在家”，我不大清楚你具体是想说粘在这份工作，还是坚持这份工作） them in the whole life time and consequently it would lead to unhappiness. The great business history expert Alfred Chandler starts his career his a（as a) engineer. Once finding out engineering fit him best, he switches focus to history. With all the passion and energy, Chandler gain great acievement in history expert. Imagine what a loss to the world, if Chandler sticks in engineering for the whole life.

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What is more, experience in other fields could somehow contribute to the success in the final job young people would stay long. Most of the subject relates to each other in some degrees(好像没有s）, the knowledge got from one field might be applied in the other. The dean of economic department in our college, Daniel, once majors in physics. The solid mathematics education background makes him outstanding among other economists and enables him make the use of statistical data fluently. Knowledge from former career contributes to the success in current field., l+ s( B- V, i9 z

Although keep staying in one field could makes one more familar and experienced in that area. However, one could not guarentee that s/he picks up the right job at beginning. In addition, experience in other area would promote the productivity in long-term job.

分析得很到位哦

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13楼

发表于 2010-8-1 20:21:15 |只看该作者

The globalization makes the world becomes (become)smaller and smaller, people from every corner of the earth has(have) already learned to respect the other cultures and been trying to learn more about a foreign country. And the problem on how to study a foreign country comes with it. Though some argue that newspapers and magazines provide sufficient information on it, I believe that they are not the best methods of foreign culture studying, because they could barely provide information in every perspective.
Admittedly, people could come to learn a foreign country through newspapers and magazines. Take the magazine National Geography for example. Reading National Geography, one is able to capture the basic information of certain country, from the climate to culture of that area. (这一段论证不是很充分，可以继续论证一下）
However, newspapers and magazines could not provide the information of an area in all perspectives. Newspapers and magazines are the works of editors; they would only represent stuffs that editor（editors） want the public to know. By mass media, one could only learn the facts that the editor endows him/her to reach. (水平有限，不太明白这句的意思） For example, about thirty years ago in China, the media restriction is even more strict than Today. If one gets the information on the rest of world through them, one could barely get anything that reflects the true lives of foreigners. Even in places where there is no such media restriction, the readers could receive the same news in various edition based on the taste of editors. As mass media could hardly provide candid information, newspapers and magazines are not the best ways to learn a foreign country..
If one wants to fully capture a foreign country and its culture, the best way is to settle in that place for a while and communicate with local residences there. Take my friend Tony, who lives in America for a couple of year(years), for example. Before coming to the U.S, what Americans in his mind is mostly sandwich, football, and TV series Friends. Settling there and communicating with local residences for years, now he learns Americans much more, from their attitude towards life to daily routine of them. He tells me that the best way to understand a foreign country is to live there, because only by this can one truly get into the inside of one culture. Otherwise, what one knows is only the appearance.

先赞一个，语言很好，值得学习；逻辑也很清晰，很不错啊~貌似错误都是细小的单三问题，考试时要注意啊~

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serena-blue
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14楼

发表于 2010-8-3 08:34:25 |只看该作者

7.31
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign

The globalization makes the world becomes smaller and smaller, people from every corner of the earth has(have) already learned to respect the other cultures and been trying to learn more about a foreign country. And the problem on how to study a foreign country comes with it. Though some argue that newspapers and magazines provide sufficient information on it, I believe that they are not the best methods of foreign culture studying(study), because they could barely provide information in every perspective.

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Admittedly, people could come to learn a foreign country through newspapers and magazines. Take the magazine National Geography for example. Reading National Geography, one is able to capture the basic information of (a)certain country, from the climate to culture of that area.

However, newspapers and magazines could not provide the information of an area in all perspectives. Newspapers and magazines are the works of editors; they would only represent stuffs that editor(s) want the public to know. By mass media, one could only learn the facts that the editor endows him/her to reach. For example, about thirty years ago in China, the media restriction is even more strict than Today. If one gets the information on the rest of world through them, one could barely get anything that reflects the true lives of foreigners. Even in places where there is no such media restriction, the readers could receive the same news in various edition based on the taste of editors. As mass media could hardly provide candid information, newspapers and magazines are not the best ways to learn a foreign country.

If one wants to fully capture a foreign country and its culture, the best way is to settle in that place for a while and communicate with local residences there. Take my friend Tony, who lives in America for a couple of year(years(, for example. Before coming to the U.S, what Americans in his mind is mostly sandwich, football, and TV series Friends. Settling there and communicating with local residences for years, now he learns Americans much more, from their attitude towards life to daily routine of them. He tells me that the best way to understand a foreign country is to live there, because only by this can one truly get into the inside of one culture. Otherwise, what one knows is only the appearance.8 M) w l; k5 u1 t0 k! ~2 w
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Newspapers and magazines enable one to learn other culture without stepping outside. Through them, however, people only learn the appearance of certain area. To understand the core of one culture, the best way is to live there and communicate with local people.
首先很抱歉修改的太迟了，最近忙着做翻译交稿，呵呵，抱歉啦。
你的文章很流畅，论证也很清晰，向你学习啦！

不放弃，不灰心

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	15楼发表于 2010-8-3 10:38:39 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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