[作文] 大笨狒的作文贴 [复制链接]

Dec.15  Idp: 45mins, 346 gross counts

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

It is famous quotes that doing exercise everyday, doctor keeps you away. Doing exercise protects us from the harmful diseases. However, more and more Americans have become obese as the result of lacking practice. As the ruler, the government should take measures to solve this spread problem. Therefore, i disagree that government should spend more and more money on arts museums and concert hell than the recreational entertainment like swimming pool or playground.

Knowing that the obesity has been becoming a serious problem in the American society is essential. Overweight not only is a personal issue, but also is big challenge which should be faced by those people surround the corpulent person. It helps nothing if the government just concerns the activities on art museums and concert hells. Instead of making useless decision, the governors should spend more money on providing different facilities to help denizen doing physical conditioning, such as swimming pools, gymnasiums and Golf training yard.

To spend more money on recreational entertainment has various kinds of advantages. On one hand, these places can assist people to have good body shapes. On the other hand, people may become healthy through using the facilities. Furthermore, building the entertainment facilities makes the society become harmonious thanks to the communication in these areas. I used to live in a silent road, yet it becomes quiet noisy now since a basketball court has built by the government for welcoming the 16th Asian Games. People now are gathering together and chatting or doing exercise. Because of the basketball court citizens become closer and closer. Almost everyone in the community appreciated the government due to the gradual increase of communications.

On the contrary, the result of spending money on art museums and concert halls may not as good as on recreational facilities. Like my roommate, she said she needs to swim every morning or she feels indisposed,but she didn't mentioned anything about the missed concert  cause she already had one CD of that musician.Therefore,I disagree with the following statement.Even though spending money on art mesumes and concert halls is fair enough,however it will be serviceable if those money are used for recreational facilities.

The shared topic of both the reading passage and lecture was the solution of endanger Torreya, which used to plant in Florida. However they differ in their points of view regarding this topic.

The lecture doubted the possibility of 3 types of solution which was mentioned in the reading. The instructor disagreed with the first perspective that to reestablish the plants. As the result of global warming, the wetlands in Florida have been becoming drier, also the changing microclimate become cooler. Torreya no longer lives in this area if the poor conditions do not alter. Not only the reestablishment, the instructor also disbelieved the suggestion of relocation. The expert compared Torreya with another tree, which is one kind of migrational species that finally destroyed the land and other planets since it grown up rapidly，the prodigious increase has threatened the security of that region. Third the instructor denied the third idea, which is researching the Torreya in a special place because of the disability of resisting diseases and the huge population. Moreover, scientists can not find a place of to contain all the researches.

Finally, the lecture cast doubt on the writer's ideas in the passage by suggestion that possibility of the solutions of preserving Torreya were actually not capable.

It is famous quotes（quote 做名词不适和书面表达，改为here is a famous quotation好些） that doing exercise everyday, doctor keeps you away.（which indicates改用从句加强连贯感） Doing exercise protects us from the harmful diseases. However, more and more Americans have become obese as the result of lacking practice. As the ruler, the government should take measures to solve this spread problem. Therefore, i disagree that government should spend more and more money on arts museums and concert hell than the recreational entertainment like swimming pool or playground.

整体感觉有些拖泥带水。开头最好简洁有力，表明观点。

Knowing that the obesity has been becoming a serious problem in the American society is essential.（句子结构头重脚轻，用个强调句会好些） Overweight not only is a personal issue, but also is big challenge（overweight is not only a personal issue, but also a big challenge） which should be faced by those people surround the corpulent person. It helps nothing if the government just concerns the activities on art museums and concert hells. Instead of making useless decision, the governors should spend more money on providing different facilities to help denizen(denizens 这个词用在这里不是很合适吧，一般强调一种内在的或外来允许的) doing（要不就是help sb with doing要不就是help sb do）
physical conditioning, such as swimming pools, gymnasiums and Golf training yard.

这段感觉没有展开，写得很无力，段首首先强调了其了解危害的重要性，第二句说是所有人面对的问题，第三句最后又重复了主观点。看不出想表达什么，本段是如何组织的，本段的分论点是什么

( D8 h5 \) `5 d

To spend more money on recreational entertainment has various kinds of advantages. On one hand, these places can assist people to have good body shapes. On the other hand, people may become healthy through using the facilities. Furthermore, building the entertainment facilities makes the society become harmonious thanks to the communication in these areas. I used to live in a silent road, yet it becomes quiet noisy（lively，noisy是个贬义词，要是不看下文完全会把你的意思理解反了） now since a basketball court has （been）built by the government for welcoming the 16th Asian Games. People now are gathering together and chatting or doing exercise.（这句表达上不好，改为In the wake of this, people begin to do exercise here and have more chances to chat and gather together） Because of the basketball court citizens become closer and closer. Almost everyone in the community appreciated the government due to the gradual increase of communications.

第一层和第二层完全可以合并成一层，使其内容充实而不干瘪。

/ h7 ^* s% \3 ~+ s% J9 X

On the contrary, the result of spending money on art museums and concert halls may not as good as on recreational facilities. Like my roommate, she said she needs to swim every morning or she feels indisposed(uncomfortable就好了这词用着不好),but she didn't mentioned anything about the missed concert  cause she already had one CD of that musician.Therefore,I disagree with the following statement.Even though spending money on art mesumes and concert halls is fair enough,however it will be serviceable if those money are used for recreational facilities.

尾段一般，例子有些牵强。

总体看，结构不是很清楚，展开不是很到位，语言用词不得体的地方有不少，句型变换和语言多样性有待提高

lz还需要多多练习

ps本人常年潜水，今日抽风冒次泡……