[i习作temp] Issue130<彼岸小组第二次作业>by melody-qu [复制链接]

melody-qu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-12-10 20:28:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

I notice the speaker expresses dual claims on the issue. The first claim is that society’s destiny is relied on how children are socialized, and the second claim is that we have not yet find a good way to raise children who can create a better society. I disagree with the speaker’s opinion from these aspects as follows.

First, the speaker holds a limited attitude towards a qualified child who can take up the responsibility of the future society. Admittedly, the young generation is the hope of our society, the nursing and education of whom will play a significant role in leading the nation forward. Social ability, including how to get on well and cooperate with others, how to listen to different voices and exchange ideas, how to understand others from their respective and how to make friends in a new environment, etc, is an inevitable part of the education which will enable children to adapt to the society quickly and easily. However, we can’t assert that it is the only standard we judge a child, for many other personalities such as honesty, creativity, friendliness and accountability are also what we cherish. It is hard to imagine a child with only social skill but lack of the other fundamental qualities can make a contribution to the society. Only with an integral character can a child be a qualified person as successor of the future world. Over-emphasis on social ability will cause the imbalance in education and finally may hamper the comprehensive development of the children.

What’s more, the destiny of the society can’t be determined only by the young generation’s sociality. Human resource is a decisive factor influencing the direction of further development on condition that it take the history and traditions, the culture heritages, the political systems and the status quo into the consideration.

The speaker criticizes sharply that we have not a good way to cultivate children, which I think is groundless. Different as the education modes of every country might be, there are some common cultural essences regarding as the treasure of human wisdom lying in each mode. By absorbing these thoughts and spirits passing down from generation to generation, we human being come to today’s modern world. Denying the essence of the education is to neglect the progress and fruits of human being so far. We keep on looking for better ways to improve education, but never do we fail to educate our kids.

Last but not least, since the definition of “a better world” varies from person to person, it is unreasonable to claim that the next generation can’t do a good job. If our society is open and tolerant enough, we should encourage every child to grow up as he is and makes his specific contribution to the society. Consider，for instance, a child always thinks his own fancies and does the things he is interested in instead of playing with others. For such a child, can we say that he can’t make a contribution to a better world?
They may be a great thinker in the future and even change people’s mind! The examples of some scientists and psychologists like Einstein can aptly demonstrate my point. Another example is the so called 80’s and 90’s generations who have instinct personalities and quite strong self- awareness. In some people’s eyes, it is the failure of education that leads to an arrogant and assertive generation. However, different generations hold different attitude toward a better society. From another respective, they are confident, brave enough to pursue their dreams and never hesitate to try new ways. They may bring to us a brand new world which is hard to say no better than today’s.

In sum, I think the speaker come to the conclusion with little evidence. On one hand, we’d better educate the children with an integrated character and all-rounded skills, and on the other hand, we should encourage our children’s natural instincts and always have faith in them to build a better world.

第一高频啊，欢迎大家很拍！

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muzhihao1
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沙发

发表于 2010-12-12 17:42:26 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 muzhihao1 于 2010-12-12 17:46 编辑

I notice the speaker expresses dual claims on the issue. The first claim is that society’s destiny is relied on how children are socialized, and the second claim is that we have not yet find a good way to raise children who can create a better society. I disagree with the speaker’s opinion from these aspects as follows.（写成argument的开头了，北美的开头是列自己的观点）

First, the speaker holds（take好点） a limited attitude towards a qualified child who can take up the responsibility of the future society. Admittedly, the young generation is the hope of our society, the nursing and education of whom will play a significant role in leading the nation forward. Social ability, including how to get on well and cooperate with others, how to listen to different voices and exchange ideas, how to understand others from their respective and how to make friends in a new environment, etc, is an inevitable（感觉不是很对，我会用indispensable） part of the education which will enable children to adapt to the society quickly and easily. However, we can’t assert that it is the only standard（+ by which） we judge a child, for many other personalities such as honesty, creativity, friendliness and accountability are also what we cherish. It is hard to imagine a child with only social skill but lack of the other fundamental qualities can make a contribution to the society. Only with an integral character can a child be a qualified person as successor of the future world. Over-emphasis on social ability will cause the imbalance in education and finally may hamper the comprehensive development of the children.

What’s more, the destiny of the society can’t be determined only by the young generation’s sociality. Human resource is a decisive factor influencing the direction of further development on condition that（知识浅，看不懂这个从句。。） it take the history and traditions, the culture heritages, the political systems and the status quo into the consideration. 明白你的意思，但是感觉很human resource出现得很突兀，逻辑我不是很清楚

The speaker criticizes sharply that we have not a good way（怪） to cultivate children, which I think is groundless. Different as the education modes of every（different） country might be（感觉还是怪）, there are some common cultural essences regarding （regarded）as the treasure of human wisdom lying in each mode. By absorbing these thoughts and spirits passing down from generation to generation, we human being come to today’s modern world. Denying the essence of the education is to neglect the progress and fruits of human being so far. We keep on looking for better ways to improve education, but never do we fail to educate our kids.

Last but not least, since the definition of “a better world” varies from person to person, it is unreasonable to claim that the next generation can’t do a good job. If our society is open and tolerant enough, we should encourage every child to grow up as he is and makes his specific contribution to the society. Consider，for instance, a child always thinks his own fancies and does the things he is interested in instead of playing with others. For such a child, can we say that he can’t make a contribution to a better world?（这里的逻辑是每个人对于一个好的世界的定义不同，所以任何人都能做一些对他们认为的好的世界有帮助的是，感觉牵强了。而且TS讲的是我们这一代人不能说下一代人不能做好，我认为按这个思路，应该论述每个时代对好的社会的理解不同，导致对一个对社会有帮助的小孩的理解也不同。）
（虽然下面你也提到这点，但是前面下来你论点的基调似乎是一个社会对于问题孩子的接纳，到后面出现时代不同就变成只是对问题小孩观点的支持）
（问题应该在于TS上说因为对一个更好世界的定义不同，应该改成对一个能使世界更好的孩子的认识不同）
They may be a great thinker in the future and even change people’s mind! The examples of some scientists and psychologists like Einstein can aptly demonstrate my point. Another example is the so called 80’s and 90’s generations who have instinct personalities and quite strong self- awareness. In some people’s eyes, it is the failure of education that leads to an arrogant and assertive generation. However, different generations hold different attitude toward a better society. From another respective, they are confident, brave enough to pursue their dreams and never hesitate to try new ways. They may bring to us a brand new world which is hard to say no better than today’s.（整篇下来，感觉写得太抒情了）

In sum, I think the speaker come to the conclusion with little evidence. （issue当然没有evidence啦=_=）On one hand, we’d better educate the children with an integrated character and all-rounded skills, and on the other hand, we should encourage our children’s natural instincts and always have faith in them to build a better world.

你用词和句子真的很让我羡慕啊。。文采比我好多了
不知道改得对不对，整体思路没什么建议，就改改小错
你自己看看我的建议对不对，不对的希望你能跟我讨论，让我知道我哪些观点错了

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hanhongwei90 UID：2894262 hanhongwei90 当前离线最后登录 2014-6-29 在线时间 98 小时寄托币 606 声望 20 注册时间 2010-8-31 阅读权限 5 帖子 11 精华 0 积分 464 UID 2894262 禁止发言声望 20 寄托币 606 注册时间 2010-8-31 精华 0 帖子 11 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	板凳发表于 2010-12-12 17:55:54 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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