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[i习作temp] issue 17正规教育限制思维那一篇，求指导【已批改 by版主ok奇&版友ReFormK】 [复制链接]

loly_he
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-4-27 20:33:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-7 21:49 编辑

17 Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
正规教育往往遏制学生的思维和精神，而不是解放思维和精神。

What influence does formal education exert on our mind and spirit: restrain them or set them free? The speaker recognizes and overstates the restraining while overlooking the assistance role of formal education. To illustrate the influence of formal education on setting mind free, it is a helpful method to analyze the theme in different stages---stages before and after university.

First, admittedly, the formal education may restrain our mind, as its elementary object doesn't emphasize on setting minds free before university. The reason that government making education formal is to ensure most people for gaining comprehensive knowledge and education level, which could make them beneficial to society. To reach that goal, uniform curriculum, regular instruction and requirement of completeness are necessary. Then, it is impossible for children to devoted most of the time on interest out of class. In that case, our mind and spirit seemly are repressed into homework and formal knowledge, lacking of enough space for recreation. However, it is actually impolitic to development one's own interest regardless of fundamental learning when he is still bemused and ignorance about the world. Absence of crucial education, as to learning skills, morality and social engagement skills, one might be vulnerable in the society.

Second, while it is hard to develop our interest out of class, formal education does provide channels to set one's mind free in class. In history class, the requirement to students is not just recite information on book, but to digest and explain them, in all thinking aspects, by contrast the past and future. In art class, students are encouraged to open mind and create their own masterpiece at the same time they are showed the classical works and formal skills. Even in the rigorous math class, students need to divergent their thinking on the base of use formulas deftly. Otherwise, they could not meet the requirement that figure out problems independently.

Third, after people entering the university and society later, the formal education he or she accepted earlier become a solid backing for setting minds and spirit free. In 2011, a 22-year old Chinese young man in Zhongnan University was employed as senior researcher of the university, after broking the Theta Pan Conjecture assumed by a British mathematical logician last century. We can't imagine him to reach this fantastic goal without tact preparing he made during formal education. Another example is about the architect, Rem Koohas, who is applauded for his imagination and creation. Nevertheless, by analyzing his fantastic architecture, people could always remind of rigorous knowledge of construction and formal meaning of classical architecture aesthetic theory, with which are absolutely imbued during his studying in The Cornell University.

In sum, the period of formal education is like the period that a plane taxies on the ground before lifting off to the sky. The speaker's preference properly causes the risk of aggrandizing the disadvantage of formal education, while effacing and ignoring its crucial role to both individual and society. After all, in a world in which our very development as a whole depends on widespread education, the importance of formal education is without a doubt.

有个问题想向各位大侠请教：Second, while it is hard to develop our interest out of class, formal education does provide channels to set one's mind free in class.这一句，我想用does表示强调，但是word给我划了绿线说语法错误，可不可以这样用呢？

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okqishi
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沙发

发表于 2012-4-27 23:54:29 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-4-28 00:03 编辑

What influence does formal education exert on our mind and spirit: restrain them or set them free? The speaker recognizes and overstates the restraining while overlooking the assistance【/assistant】 role of formal education. To illustrate the influence of formal education on setting mind free, it is a helpful method to analyze the theme in different stages---stages before and after university.

First, admittedly, the formal education may restrain our mind, as its elementary object doesn't emphasize on setting minds free before university. The reason that government making education formal is to ensure most people for gaining【have the chance to gain】 comprehensive knowledge and【higher】 education level, which could make them beneficial to society.【这句话感觉很别扭，或许可以这样说：which could give them potential advantages ,and the ability to make contributions for the society】 To reach that goal, uniform curriculum, regular instruction and requirement of completeness are necessary. Then【/Thus】, it is impossible【/unrealistic】 for children to devoted most of the time on interest out of class. In that case, our mind and spirit seemly are repressed into homework and formal knowledge, lacking of enough space for recreation. However, it is actually impolitic to development one's own interest regardless of fundamental learning when he is still bemused and ignorance【ignorant】 about the world. Absence of crucial education, as to learning skills, morality and social engagement skills, one might be vulnerable in the society.

Second, while it is hard to develop our interest out of class, 【the】formal education does provide channels to set one's mind free in class. In history class, the requirement to students is not just 【to】recite information on book, but to digest and explain them, in all thinking aspects, by contrast【constrasting】 the past and future. In art class, students are encouraged to open mind and create their own masterpiece at the same time they are showed the classical works and formal skills. Even in the rigorous math class, students need to divergent【divert】 their thinking on the base of use formulas deftly. Otherwise, they could not meet the requirement that figure【figures】 out problems independently.

Third, after people entering the university and society later, the formal education he or she accepted earlier become a solid backing for setting minds and spirit free. In 2011, a 22-year old Chinese young man in Zhongnan University was employed as senior researcher of the university, after broking the Theta Pan Conjecture assumed by a British mathematical logician last century. We can't imagine him to reach this fantastic goal without tact preparing he made during formal education. Another example is about the architect, Rem Koohas, who is applauded for his imagination and creation. Nevertheless, by analyzing his fantastic architecture, people could always remind of rigorous knowledge of construction and formal meaning of classical architecture aesthetic theory, with which are absolutely imbued during his studying in The Cornell University.

In sum, the period of formal education is like the period that a plane taxies on the ground before lifting off to the sky. The speaker's preference properly causes the risk of aggrandizing the disadvantage of formal education, while effacing and ignoring its crucial role to both individual and society. After all, in a world in which our very development as a whole depends on widespread education, the importance of formal education is without a doubt.

1.lz需注意一些基本的语法错误和用词错误（特别是词性错误）

2.关于lz的问题：可以在formal education前面加个the

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loly_he
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板凳

发表于 2012-4-28 10:51:48 |只看该作者

2# okqishi

谢谢版主认真批改！版主辛苦了~~~~

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ReFormK
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地板

发表于 2012-5-7 16:09:47 |只看该作者

楼主的文章总的来说还是不错的，不知楼主练了多少篇了？
但有几个问题
第一段
我觉得你心中的教育系统可能是定义在了中国的范围内了，所以你用了作业比较多的这个例子，这里可能与出题人的意图上会有一点偏离，因为美国的大学前教育是很轻松的，可能考官希望我们从其他的角度来说明他的道理吧
第三段
我觉得中南大学的那个例子并不能够说明 the formal education he or she accepted earlier become a solid backing for setting minds and spirit free。因为他获奖的更重要的原因是因为兴趣，After all 这么多国人都接受了良好的系统教育，而真正获奖的却极少，所以这个例子和正规教育的联系并不大，而且中南大学是central south U哦~