[i习作temp] 丑闻是有用的，是因为他们用一种。。。求狂拍！！感谢！【已批改 by 版友Smile】 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-5-2 00:34:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-7 07:59 编辑

4. Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaks or reforms ever could.
As is described in the issue, the author concludes that scandals are useful because scandals focus our attention on problems that no speakers and reforms ever could. It is really imperative that the reason and result be thoroughly analyzed before we get the conclusion. To begin with, the reason may not hold true in some situations. In addition, although sometimes scandals focus our attention on problems, it is far from being sufficient to get the conclusion that scandals are useful. My opinion will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.
To begin with, in some areas that survival is main problem, scandals cannot focus our attention to problems. As we all know Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization, physiological needs are placed in the first and foremost place than anything else. In some areas such as Ethiopia, where food is far from satisfied, scandals cannot focus their attention. What really can arouse their attention is food and water. It is only in a law-abiding society rather than one in chaos that sandals can focus our attention.
What's more, although in some situation that scandals focus our attention on problem that no reformers and speakers ever could, it is not sufficient to get the conclusion that scandals are useful. Marilyn Momroe did reportedly have affair with President John Kennedy and his brother senator Robert Kennedy before she died. And it is highly assumed that the brothers are associated with her death because they are afraid of Momroe's revealing the details. Since the scandals are not convicted and Kennedy was able to improve the economic in a high speed that GDP expanded by an average of 5.5% with low inflation rate, Kennedy was deemed as a national hero rather than a criminal. The unconfirmed scandals are overshadowed by the achievements of Kennedy and far from useful.
From the analysis above, simply based on the inadequate reason that scandals are useful because they focus our attention to problems that no speakers and reformers could, it is irrational to reach an conclusion that scandals are useful.

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沙发

发表于 2012-5-6 20:10:04 |只看该作者

As is described in the issue, the author concludes that scandals are useful because scandals focus our attention on problems that no speakers and reforms ever could. It is really imperative that the reason and result be thoroughly analyzed before we get the conclusion. To begin with, the reason may not hold true in some situations. In addition, although sometimes scandals focus our attention on problems, it is far from being sufficient to get the conclusion that scandals are useful. My opinion will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.
To begin with, in some areas that survival is main problem, scandals cannot focus our attention to [on] problems. As we all know [is] Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization, physiological needs are placed in the first and foremost place than anything else. In some areas such as Ethiopia, where food is far from satisfied, scandals cannot focus their attention. What really can arouse their attention is food and water. [原因和例子似乎不够有力：何以见得scandal相关的境况一定与生理需求无关呢，比如在水源和食物极度匮乏的地区，官员借助权力倒卖食物以谋暴利，也一定会得到极度关注的] It is only in a law-abiding society rather than one in chaos that sandals can focus our attention. [同上]
What's more, although in some situation that scandals focus our attention on problem that no reformers and speakers ever could, it is not sufficient to get the conclusion that scandals are useful. Marilyn Momroe did reportedly have affair with President John Kennedy and his brother senator Robert Kennedy before she died. And it is highly assumed that the brothers are associated with her death because they are afraid of Momroe's revealing the details. Since the scandals are not convicted and Kennedy was able to improve the economic in a high speed that GDP expanded by an average of 5.5% with low inflation rate, Kennedy was deemed as a national hero rather than a criminal. The unconfirmed scandals are overshadowed by the achievements of Kennedy and far from useful. [感觉这里对useful的概念没有定义清楚：丑闻或许是有用的，因为它让人觉得这个总统作风不好，但这并不妨碍他改善宏观经济状况的能力。看看这样行不：即使丑闻能够吸引公众注意，但有时这种注意力仅仅是把事件作为一种茶余饭后的谈资，而对于实际问题无能为力。比如肯尼迪兄弟和梦露的丑闻，即使有人怀疑梦露之死和他们有关，这件事也终究成为悬案。]
From the analysis above, simply based on the inadequate reason that scandals are useful because they focus our attention to problems that no speakers and reformers could, it is irrational to reach an conclusion that scandals are useful.

[另外作者是根据批判原因和批判结论的思路写的，虽然这样思路很清晰，但只有两层，会对篇幅有限制。建议可以在每一层再细分几个点来写，比如在什么情况下丑闻吸引注意而什么情况下不会，什么情况下有效，什么情况下无效。。。]

个人意见，不敢说是很科学的的，仅供参考，也希望大家多多指点。