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[经典批改讨论] issue88 掐后改正版 [复制链接]

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发表于 2004-1-20 22:05:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
算是重新写的吧 不过观点没有改变~~~~
还是继续欢迎大家拍~~~
以前的帖子照旧 大家在那里还是可以继续跟偶拍板的说~~~~~


issue88
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influences but also, and more importantly, determines the social custom and ethics.

People, generally speaking, would not doubt the perspective that technology exercises enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolution, women in Britain were not allowed to work outside apart from some comparatively enlightened places; yet waves of women went into spinneries as cotton spinner after the jenny were universally utilized around Europe. The reason why factories preferred women rather than men in the Industrial Revolution lies in the development of technology, which decreased the physical weakness of women, raised the social awareness of the advantage of women worker such as more carefulness and patience, changed the traditional industrial configuration in the proportion of females and males, therefore transformed the cliche ban of women's outside working. Same analysis could be applied on feminism campaign. With the purpose of sexual equality and personality liberation, feminism campaign is based on the development and betterment of the equipment from this point of view. In a word, all these changes in social custom and ethics owe to the development of technology.

But why, someone may ask, should technology be mentioned as the determinate factor, not merely an infective ingredient? The answer comes from the difference between quantity of effects that influence and determination separately raise. As dictionary refers, the effect of influence is indirect and comparatively weaker; while that of determination is direct, basic and strong. From the examples given in the above paragraph, agreement may not be difficult to reach that the impact of technology on social custom is direct and enormous. Without technology in medical, people today might still hold the belief that spread of plague is the punishment from God and the sick are unforgivable sinners; in industry, the popular concept of global village and the social consciousness of racial equality might never exist; in sociology, women cannot get the opportunity to realize their own values as an independent individual through working. To sum up, technology is the determinative factor to change the social custom and ethics.

However, question may still be raised why it is the technology determines the social custom and ethics, rather than human beings or other factors. Admittedly, it seems much more of sense that human beings make the social custom and ethics by themselves. But it does not imply that human beings determine the trend of social custom, since the formation of a social custom and a principle of ethics is based on the level of technology at that time by which majority of people can measure what can be done while others cannot. Admittedly, often human activities such as Renaissance and World War 2 seem to influence the social custom more obviously and to a greater extent than technology does. But when considering why such activities happened on a specific time in a specific place, one still have to turn to technology for further understanding. Thus, the social custom actually should be regarded as fruits, if the human activities are taken as trunk; technology should be considered as the roots of the tree which determine whether the tree can live and what it can produce.

In fact, social custom and ethics feed back with the development of technology, resulting in either promotion or restriction. For an instance, acquirement for longer life nowadays is an increasingly popular social custom. This challenges the medical technology at present, thus stimulates the researchers to speed up their discovery for new medical treatment. Human cloning, for another instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics of society today. Therefore the further development of cloning technology in many countries almost halts. The influence of social custom and ethics on technology cannot be ignored.

In conclusion, this issue asserts that the technology influences the social custom and ethics so markedly that can be regarded as a determinative factor. Meanwhile, the social custom and ethics can reflect feedback toward technology. Technology can be metaphorized into a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics into the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures. The river determines the position of banks; while the banks control the direction of flow.


这次是把思路都写在这里
position:tech决定(已经包含了影响)social custom的发展
body:
1.tech影响了custom是大家有目共睹di
2.tech影响的程度之深范围之大 已经确定了它是所有影响因素中间最最重要的 足可以决定social

custom的作用(这两段是关键的说~~~~~~)
3.其他因素有时候也可以影响social custom但是没有tech那么厉害~~~主要针对反方human being决定的

观点加以辩驳
4.social custom可以反作用于tech
conclusion:
对不起大家我实在是喜欢用我心爱的比喻句 不过小改了一下 大家就勉为其难吧~~~~
而且我真的是想不出来别的那个结尾了~~~~

呵呵 最大的特点就是中间加了一段 把以前杂糅在一起的一些东西 给分散开来了~~~~
好象和一般的三段论有点出入 但是也算是一种大胆的尝试
大家看怎么样呢
可惜 这所有的东东横竖不可能到考场上写出来的说~~~~
字数是N多啊 都感觉不是在写issue是在写论文的说~~~

拍呀拍呀 拍猫猫~~~~~~~~~
GGJJ们都来拍~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: 要特别感谢dawnspeakerGG在原来的帖子里面替偶接那么两招 也谢谢他在线提出的N多advice~~~~~ 谢谢GG  :D
True love never runs smooth.
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沙发
发表于 2004-1-21 08:29:18 |只看该作者
赶了个早,呵呵。
先向大家问声新年好哦

首先是有一些拼写上的错误,这在word里面就能看得出来,我就不再提了。不过这说明你是在记事本或什么地方写的。鼓励鼓励,能出现如此之少的拼写错误(9红4绿;word2003 ;grammar only)让我又要羡慕猫的英文功底了——我写东西总是一片红,sigh。

有用词上几点:
cliché 是指陈腐的没有新意的,而不是指陈腐的封建的。而且这个词别用为好,因为这个“é” word里打得出来,考试的时候就只能写成e。万一ETS的猪儿犯了牛疯不认怎么办?

“all these changes in social custom and ethics owe to the development of technology”这儿all语气太强,太绝对。换一个柔和一下的就更好了

“Infective”这儿用的牵强的很。它在有的地方被翻译成“影响别人的”(垃圾词典),但这两个意思疯牛马不相及

“The answer comes from the difference between quantity of effects that influence and determination seperatively raise.” 这句话好像来自一个raise quantity of effects,什么意思?

Without technology in medical……an independent individual through working.这一大段排比好像是说科技在medical这一方面的进步导致了所有下面几项,这夸张吧。似乎只能导致第一项。

感觉这篇文章比上一篇要好得多的多,显然猫儿是费了不少心思,也确实有很大进步哦。
再接再厉。

Dawnspeaker – Justice of Lathander, the morninglord, God of Dawn
Quest for Good and Power
Learn to Labor and to Wait

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板凳
发表于 2004-1-21 15:40:30 |只看该作者
拼写上的错误已经改正过来了 呵呵 :D

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]cliché 是指陈腐的没有新意的,而不是指陈腐的封建的。而且这个词别用为好,因为这个“é” word里打得出来,考试的时候就只能写成e。万一ETS的猪儿犯了牛疯不认怎么办?[/B]

cliche是法语单词嘛 当时只想到它的感情色彩 没有多想 那如果这样的话 改成banal或者是mouldy怎么样?! 下次记住我一定能不用就不用了

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]“all these changes in social custom and ethics owe to the development of technology”这儿all语气太强,太绝对。换一个柔和一下的就更好了[/B]

意思是说上面举的那2个例子呀~~~
要不加一个above你看如何
或者 就干脆改成 most changes~~~~何如?!

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]“Infective”这儿用的牵强的很。它在有的地方被翻译成“影响别人的”(垃圾词典),但这两个意思疯牛马不相及[/B]

垃圾词典就是金山糍粑啦 呵呵
我本来的意思就是有影响的 但是已经用过influence了 而且influenceable 的意思是超级有影响力的那种 太过了 要不 用modified?!

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]“The answer comes from the difference between quantity of effects that influence and determination seperatively raise.” 这句话好像来自一个raise quantity of effects,什么意思?[/B]

呵呵 又是杂糅的句子
raise quantity of effects实际上是chinglish但我不知道怎么用中文说
差不多就是引起量变吧
算了我想我把它改掉好了 现在自己念的都别扭了~~~

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B]Without technology in medical……an independent individual through working.这一大段排比好像是说科技在medical这一方面的进步导致了所有下面几项,这夸张吧。似乎只能导致第一项。[/B]

是只能导致第一项啊 后面我不是用分号了吗 不过偷懒 把后面几个in industry(commerce)前边的without给吃进去了~~~

这一帖来捏的人好少了呀 呵呵
大家都过年去了
呵呵dawnspeakerGG新年快乐~~~~~~
偶等下也要出去了~~~~~
True love never runs smooth.

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地板
发表于 2004-1-21 20:02:34 |只看该作者
呵呵,偶过完节再来看吧。

不知道怎么的,看着dawnspeaker老想起猪头。:D
以上言论仅代表个人观点

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发表于 2004-1-22 16:01:18 |只看该作者
:D猪头是猪身上最聪明的部分了
大家猴年好哦
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发表于 2004-1-23 00:56:40 |只看该作者

I appreicate this essay.

so猫.
我读了你得文章,感觉你得文章结构严谨,思路清晰, 尤其是你得语言驾驭能力让我实在是佩服, 你得词汇量真够丰富, 而且你还大胆的使用一些国外的例子,
我是不愿用国外的例子的,我觉得我背那些例子记不住,记住了不一定能写出来尤其是地名人名的,还有即使记得住,写得出也未必用得上,用上了觉得不是很恰当。
所以我一般不用外国人的例子, 我就列举一些与我的专业有关的例子或身边发生的事情做例子。你有空多看看我的文章,提点宝贵建议给我。好不?
jxking

There can be miracles when you believe.Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can acheive. When you believe somhow you will. You will when you believe.

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RE: issue88 掐后改正版 [修改]
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