[习作点评] issue第67篇，写作指导真的是很痛苦啊。。 [复制链接]

niblet1019
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发表于 2014-5-21 03:08:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

issue第67篇，写作指导真的是很痛苦啊。。求各位大牛帮我看一下。。607一战。。谢谢大家了！
Some people believe that society should try to save every plant and animal species, despite the expense to humans in effort, time, and financial well-being. Others believe that society need not make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
Do we have to spend a lot of money to save every plant and animal species despite how much humans in efforts, time, and financial well-beings? I concede that we should save the extinct animals to save the biological diversity, however, we should also consider the degree that we can afford.
To developed country, they have enough energy and humans in efforts and time, also, the financial well-beings to protect the extinct species. In this whole world everybody have their responsibilities to protect our living environment, especially with the rapidly advancement of technology which must left some pollution that will endanger the creatures’ rehabitants , food and water which is caused only by human beings. The polluted water may let the fish have no place to stay, the food within the heavy metal is poisoned to animals and the lack of trees make cause the bird have no place to shroud themselves. Also, not only just the awareness of citizens, but also the government should implement some policies for protecting animals in their native country such as cleaning the polluted water and building more trees, and so on. But all of this doing above, we should not betray the nature’s axiom which is the weak one will be lost and the strong one will be kept.mo
To the developing country, they don’t have enough money , humans in efforts and financial well-being for advancing their country, not to speak of protecting animals. But during the period in developing country there must some sacrifice in environment but this kind of country can bottom out this sacrifice to ensure that not as much as possible will face extinction because of development. Also, those kind of developing countries can build some nature protecting area which do not cost much but can keep animals and plants in the most original situation, in that case, this maybe the best way for savings species. May the developed country do not have the best factor to save the species but they have the best time, moreover, what the developing country should do now is to decrease the pollution as the most as they can do.
In conclusion, all the things I mentioned above is articularly point out my opinion which is that we have responsibilities to saving our animal and plant species but which is based on our abilities. Also, the best way to save animal and plant is that protect them when they are not being disturbed.

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sherry_luo
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沙发

发表于 2014-5-26 01:42:39 来自手机 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sherry_luo 于 2014-5-26 10:37 编辑

优点:结构比较清晰简明。重点说一下我所认为的不足之处。
你这个第三段的观点深度不够，内容泛泛而谈了。
看到你快一战了，好吧，我也是。那你可以在剩下的几天里深化思想。不行就看别人怎么想的，然后你再综合创新一下。思想是最重要的。句子的话你可以多多使用插入语，倒装句，虚拟语气，增强句子的丰富性。不过这方面我自己也苦手……嗯，随他吧！

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