[a习作temp] argument38 有人写argument吗？还是应该贴在其他地方啊？ [复制链接]

zhujing
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-12-2 15:46:13 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

argument38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council. 【38】
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor /consulting <consulting the doctor in event of being infected with common cold>/ home-remedy/the cost for consulting the doctor may be unaffordable for them/ for such a common cold only once or twice frequency per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent /cure colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences presence/ slack/excuse from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

In this argument, the innovative usage of fish for reducing absenteeism in schools and workplaces was recommended. Based on a study, which indicated a low frequency of consulting doctor of East Meria residents for cold, the author seems to logically arrive his assertion.

However, the assertion is premised on an unfair assumption that fish consumption is directly responsible for effective cold prevention. Despite the fact that there is low rate of visiting doctors for East Meria residents, there is no causal relation between fish in dietary and people’s fitness. Various other factors should be counted. It is possible people in East Meria prefer family-remedy, since they do not take it serious for such a mild illness, or they are reluctant to pay for doctor consulting; also, maybe it is the good lifestyle of people living there contribute more to their health status than eating fish, like keeping regular exercises and moderate diet habit. In addition, even if we assume fish dish is helpful to prevent the event of colds, there is no evidence to justify a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil could have the same effect as fish. Common sense informs us, compositions of derivate of fish oil are surly different from that of fish, but the author made no effort to study on this matter, therefore his suggestion is unpersuasive.

Another problem is the author made a false analogy. There is no sufficient explanation about West Meria and East Meria are similar in climate and environment. What are the climates in these two places? What is the surrounding near residential districts? It is possible that weather in East Meria is mild while that in West Meria is changeable; it is also possible that environmental protection in East Meria is much better than West Meria, for instance, more gardens or better air condition. In either cases, people in East Meria would generally keep fit therefore less likely to catch cold, no matter they eat fish or not. But, if people in West Meria take the recommendation of the author, they may not effectively prevent the occurrence of cold.

Finally, the author arrived at the conclusion that the usage of Ichthaid could reduce absenteeism. Is suffering from cold the true reason that people be absent from school or work? From our everyday experience, catching cold may be an excuse for people to skip study or work, and the real reason lies in their slack other than health problems. In this matter, it is useless of the author’s suggestion to enhance people’s presence at work.

Conclusively, this argument is not thoroughly convincing. We need to more evidence to substantiate the fish dietary is effective to prevent colds and Ichthaid could be a substitute for fish. Also, we need to know if fish treatment as the author mention would be useful for people in West Meria. Finally, to strengthen his conclusion, the author should do more close study on the real reason of absenteeism in West Meria.

When you're on a golden sea
You don't need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone---------'island in the sun' from Weezer

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一朵盛开的牛粪
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-2 23:57:13 |只看该作者

妹妹发文章够快啊，几月考啊，这么快就argument了！！

生命是一种太好的东西，好到你无论选择什么方式度过都象是一种浪费

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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开水~~烫烫烫~~~
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板凳

发表于 2004-12-3 00:12:26 |只看该作者

开水偶来了，等着哦，烫.....

比较@蔫@状态中...

喜欢凉白开，偶gg？哼，看你还敢！偶可是咕嘟咕嘟，沸腾腾地开水，烫死你个乱插足。。。

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开水~~烫烫烫~~~
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地板

发表于 2004-12-3 02:20:24 |只看该作者

来了，开烫啦！
注：虽然偶叫kaishui，可是偶自认比较lenient啦，别怕怕，烫不坏地，xixi

In this argument, the innovative usage of fish for reducing absenteeism in schools and workplaces was recommended. Based on主语是the author，要么换主动要么换主语a study, which indicated a low frequency of consulting doctor of East Meria residents for cold, the author seems to logically arrivearrive at? his assertion.觉得还是加一句自己的观点的话较清楚些

However, the assertion is premised onbe premised on，稀饭，^o^an unfair assumption that fish consumption is directly responsible for effective cold prevention.assertion,premise,assumption,consumption,prevention，这一句话中的这些抽象词偶都稀饭，用得很顺的感觉 Despite the fact that there is low rate of visiting doctors for East Meria residents, there is no causal乍看成了casual，老眼昏花，气愤 relation between fish in dietary and people’s fitness. Various other factors should be counted.这句和上句衔接得不太好，上句是不是还没有说开来 It is possible people in East Meria prefer family-remedy, since they do not take it serious for such a mild illness, or they are reluctant to pay for doctor consulting; also, maybe it is the good lifestyle of people living there 少了that or 其他想用得词contributecontributes more to their health status than eating fisheating fish does, like keeping regular exercises and moderate diet habit.总算看到了句号，这句话，啊，长就一个字，幸好意思不难理解，可能是写得随意且这点上有好多话想说所致，是不是分开一下In addition, even if we assume fish dish is helpful to prevent the event?of colds, there is no evidence to justify a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil could have the same effect as fish. Common sense informs us前加as or 后加that, compositions of derivate of fish oil are surlysurely，笔误，surly是另外一个词呢，看来mm的gre词汇不错地different from that of fish, but the author made no effort to study on this matter, therefore his suggestion is unpersuasive.这一段感觉内容太多了，是不是想要说明的点太多了呢

Another problem is thatthe author made a false analogy. There is no sufficient explanation about 换成thatWest Meria and East Meria are similar in climate and environment. What are the climates in these two places? What is the surrounding near residential districts? It is possible that weather in East Meria is mild while that in West Meria is changeable; it is also possible that environmental protection in East Meria is much better than that inWest Meria, for instance, more gardens or better air condition. In either cases in either case, people in East Meria would generally keep fit therefore less likely to catch cold, no matter they eat fish or not. But, if people in West Meria take the recommendation of the author, they may not effectively prevent the occurrence of cold这句话有些弱.

Finally, the author arrived at the conclusion that the usage of Ichthaid could reduce absenteeism. Is suffering from cold the true reason that people be虚拟了？ absent from school or work? From our everyday experience, catching cold may be an excuse for people to skip study or work, and the real reason lies in their slack other than health problems这句话内的转折关系没出来，连词导致，换！没得说. In this matter, it is useless of the author’s suggestion to enhance people’s presence at work.

Conclusively, this argument is not thoroughly convincing. We need to omit！more evidence to substantiate稀饭这个词 the fish dietary is effective to prevent colds and Ichthaid could be a substitute for fish. Also, we need to know if fish treatment as the author mentionmentioned would be useful for people in West Meria. Finally, to strengthen his conclusion, the author should do more close study on the real reason of absenteeism in West Meria.

整体结构不错地呀，说理也还清楚，mm继续加油

另外，这个'there is no...'和 'it is possible...'有么有啥可替换的结构，都用这个？

比较@蔫@状态中...

喜欢凉白开，偶gg？哼，看你还敢！偶可是咕嘟咕嘟，沸腾腾地开水，烫死你个乱插足。。。

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