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[i习作temp] Issure41 同主题十一怎么写才能不偏题啊? 汗! [复制链接]

Kangxiaolu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-4-10 09:11:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.

B1，非主流领域能满足部分人类需求，例如对未来的探索和自信心和自我满足
B2, 没有substantial证据证明非主流领域的真实性，也不能启示我们如何进步，我们不能在非主流领域投入太多时间精力
B3, 人类的本性使得更容易被非主流领域伤害（这点好像偏题了，大家帮忙看看该怎么写）

Hundreds years ago, as a beginning of the controversy between mainstream areas and nonmainstream areas, people try to explain mysteries by astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits. I fundamentally agree that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits partially satisfied human needs. However, the successors of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry have not found substantial evidence yet—let alone about establish the structure of academic institution and play a vital role in society.

People’s curiosity of the future leads them to figure out what will happen in the future eagerly. Biologists try to find the answer by researching from the beginning of creature’s life; chemist eager to decipher the mystery by analyzing the composition of the university, however, so far, no scientist could tell us about the future affirmatively and exactly. In contrast, people believed in astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits describe the future by predicting the future with the inspiration of the star and the alleged supernatural power, then satisfied People’s curiosity that are not addressed by mainstream science. For example, Astrology, a key science in classical China, Greece, and Rome, connected the dynasty changes with the movement of the starts’ pattern. Moreover, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits also satisfy human vanity, especially those who alleges he have magic six sense.

However, achievements of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give us nothing but the feel of self-confidence and self-satisfaction. A popular example of the inspiration of fortune-tell is the case of a woman who claims that her impairment from her dream prevented each of her five children from serious disaster, and it is acknowledged women usually have acute intuition than man. However, no substantial evidence supports support the rationality of fortune-tell. How can we get benefits from these specious theories, and invest our time and energy merely because we get the inspiration in our dream or acquire insight into events through magic or contact with the supernatural.

Furthermore, humans seem naturally driven to suspect the theory accepted by most people and more likely to agree the theory which satisfies his needs. So, without distract process to validate the legitimacy of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry, researchers who fight with them even might suspect the rationality of science and become self-deception. For instance, during the Second World War, the period full of disappointment, make it is possible that Parapsychology, a kind of nonmainstream areas of inquiry, encroached the belief of people. A human being is quite a frail creature, and needs to be more firm with the truth.

In sum, I concede that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits offer people the self- confidence and self-satisfaction. However, we cannot live only with self-confidence and self-satisfaction, reason and logic cannot be substituted by psychological benefits and over-approach to these nonmainstream areas makes people become vulnerable to self-deception, fantastic ideas, and even delusions.

4，29 成都，必回拍
我会用心拍你的作文，以感谢你的帮助

Issure30 同主题十一非主流领域
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=263757

Argument38 鱼和感冒
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=263758

Issure30 同主题十技术进步与休闲时间
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.p ... 1352670#post1352670

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glassfrog
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沙发

发表于 2005-4-11 14:20:26 |只看该作者

Hundreds years ago, as a beginning of the controversy between mainstream areas and nonmainstream areas(C: I don’t think they are that “mainstream” or “nonmainstream” at that very beginning. I mean, the nonmainstream inquiry is actually mainstream then.), people try to explain mysteries by astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits. I fundamentally agree that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits partially(C: OK, the thesis sentence) satisfied human needs. However, the successors of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry have not found substantial evidence yet(C: there is a famous saying: you can never prove the existence of God. Those nonmainsteams don’t need evidence, actually.)—let alone about establish(R: establishing) the structure of academic institution and play a vital role in society.

People’s curiosity of the future leads them to figure out what will happen in the future eagerly. Biologists try to find the answer by researching from the beginning of creature’s life; chemist eager to decipher the mystery by analyzing the composition of the university(R: universe), however, so far, no scientist could tell us about the future affirmatively and exactly. In contrast, people believed in astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits describe the future by predicting the future with the inspiration of the star and the alleged supernatural power, then satisfied People’s curiosity that are not addressed by mainstream science. (C: I just got confused here.)For example, Astrology, a key science in classical China, Greece, and Rome, connected the dynasty changes with the movement of the starts’ pattern. Moreover, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits also satisfy human vanity(C: satisfy vanity? I don’t think this word is proper.), especially those who alleges he have magic six sense.

However(R: On the other hand), achievements of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give us nothing but the feel of self-confidence and self-satisfaction. A popular example of the inspiration of fortune-telling is the case of a woman who claims that her impairment from her dream prevented each of her five children from serious disaster, and it is acknowledged women usually have acute intuition than man. However, no substantial evidence supports support the rationality of fortune-tell. How can we get benefits from these specious theories, and invest our time and energy merely because we get the inspiration in our dream or acquire insight into events through magic or contact with the supernatural.

Furthermore, humans seem naturally driven(R: being driven) to suspect the theory accepted by most people and more likely to agree the theory which satisfies his needs. So, without distract process to validate the legitimacy of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry, researchers who fight with them even might suspect the rationality of science and become self-deception. For instance, during the Second World War, the period full of disappointment, make it is possible that Parapsychology, a kind of nonmainstream areas of inquiry, encroached the belief of people. A human being is quite a frail creature(C: frail? Are you describing “frail” before? I don’t think so), and needs to be more firm with the truth.

In sum, I concede that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits offer people the self- confidence and self-satisfaction(C: It is not true. Take a look at the eschatology). However, we cannot live only with self-confidence and self-satisfaction, reason and logic cannot be substituted by psychological benefits and over-approach to these nonmainstream areas makes people become vulnerable to self-deception, fantastic ideas, and even delusions. (C: Too long a sentence.)

C: A simpler, but more precise word is better than a abused GRE word from red bible.

我是一只青蛙，主要由圆形构成。

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猫猫624
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板凳

发表于 2005-4-11 16:42:01 |只看该作者

占位!

05年6G特邀总结贴之二：猫猫624GRE作文备考体会

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点点滴滴走过
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地板

发表于 2005-4-11 17:01:18 |只看该作者

顶一个

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Kangxiaolu
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5楼

发表于 2005-4-11 22:26:47 |只看该作者

回复大家

谢谢大家的支持...
谢谢glassfrog的修改，以后一定注意，特别是语法错误！
Issure52没写过，在看，明天发给你！

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猫猫624
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6楼

发表于 2005-4-12 00:21:52 |只看该作者

Hundreds of years ago, as a beginning of the controversy between mainstream areas and nonmainstream areas,感觉这句有点怪，古代没有什么mainstream 吧 people try to explain mysteries by astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits. I fundamentally agree that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits partially satisfied human needs. However, the successors of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry have not found substantial evidence yet—let alone about establish the structure of academic institution and play a vital role in society. people have not found any substantial evidence to prove success of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry, let alone…….

People’s curiosity of towardthe future leads them to figure out what will happen in the future eagerly. Biologists try to find the answer by researching from the beginning of creature’s life; chemist eager to decipher the mystery by analyzing the composition of the university,这两句放在这里什么意思，ts是帮助预知未来。和ts不符 however, so far, no scientist could tell us about the future affirmatively and exactly. In contrast, people believed believing in astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits describe the future by predicting the future with the inspiration of the star and the alleged supernatural power, then satisfied People’s curiosity that are not addressed by mainstream science. For example, Astrology, a key science in classical China, Greece, and Rome, connected the dynasty changes with the movement of the starts’ pattern. Moreover, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits also satisfy human vanity, especially those who alleges he have magic six sense.

However, achievements of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give us nothing but the feel of self-confidence and self-satisfaction. A popular example of the inspiration of fortune-tell is the case of a woman who claims that her impairment from her dream prevented each of her five children from serious disaster, 这个例子我没有看明白，麻烦解释一下and it is acknowledged women usually have acute intuition than man. However, no substantial evidence supports support the rationality of fortune-tell. How can we get benefits from these specious theories, and invest our time and energy merely because we get the inspiration in our dream or acquire insight into events through magic or contact with the supernatural.

Furthermore, humans seem naturally driven to suspect the theory accepted by most people and more likely to agree the theory which satisfies his needs. So, without distract process to validate the legitimacy of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry, researchers who fight with them even might suspect the rationality of science and become self-deception. For instance, during the Second World War, the period full of disappointment, make it is possible that Parapsychology, a kind of nonmainstream areas of inquiry, encroached the belief of people. A human being is quite a frail creature, and needs to be more firm with the truth.这篇感觉有点怪，你的意思是想说非主流给人带来危害，重新组织一下

In sum, I concede that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits offer people the self- confidence and self-satisfaction. However, we cannot live only with self-confidence and self-satisfaction, reason and logic cannot be substituted by psychological benefits and over-approach to these nonmainstream areas makes people become vulnerable to self-deception, fantastic ideas, and even delusions.结尾写的不错
总的说来用词造句都不错，但是有些用的不合适.。但是感觉行文的逻辑性不强，感觉你的思想有些跳跃。

05年6G特邀总结贴之二：猫猫624GRE作文备考体会

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7楼

发表于 2005-4-12 13:01:16 |只看该作者

回复猫猫624

谢谢修改，说得很对，大家加油。。。

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8楼

发表于 2005-4-22 08:21:02 |只看该作者

No.1 Issure41 同主题十一怎么写才能不偏题啊? 汗!
Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.

B1，非主流领域能满足部分人类需求，例如对未来的探索和自信心和自我满足
B2, 没有substantial证据证明非主流领域的真实性，也不能启示我们如何进步，我们不能在非主流领域投入太多时间精力
B3, 人类的本性使得更容易被非主流领域伤害（这点好像偏题了，大家帮忙看看该怎么写）

Hundreds years ago, as a beginning of the controversy between mainstream areas and nonmainstream areas做谁的什么成分，没太看懂, people try to explain mysteries by astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits. I fundamentally agree that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits partially satisfied human needs. However, the successors of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry have not found substantial evidence yet—let alone about establish the structure of academic institution and play a vital role in society.

People’s curiosity of the future leads them to figure out what will happen in the future eagerly. Biologists try to find the answer by researching from the beginning of creature’s life; chemist eager to decipher the mystery by analyzing the composition of the university, however, so far, no scientist could tell us about the future affirmatively and exactly. In contrast, people believed in astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits describe the future by predicting the future with the inspiration of the star and the alleged supernatural power, then satisfied People’s curiosity that are not addressed by mainstream science. 这句话是不是语法有问题啊？For example, Astrology, a key science古时候是科学吗？不清楚 in classical China, Greece, and Rome, connected the dynasty changes with the movement of the starts’ pattern. Moreover, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits also satisfy human vanity, especially those who alleges he have magic six sense此处似乎还是成分有问题. 这段的缺点是力求证明满足人们部分需求，但没有充分论证。至少要说明满足什么需求，没有展开，因而显得很无力

However, achievements of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give us nothing but the feel of self-confidence and self-satisfaction. A popular example of the inspiration of fortune-tell is the case of a woman who claims that her impairment from her dream prevented each of her five children from serious disaster, and it is acknowledged women usually have acute intuition than man. 这个例子不够典型，你也没进一步论证为什么只是带来了self-confidence and self-satisfactionHowever, no substantial evidence supports support the rationality of fortune-tell. How can we get benefits from these specious theories, and invest our time and energy merely because we get the inspiration in our dream or acquire insight into events through magic or contact with the supernatural. 这段的TS也有问题，没有涵盖however以后的部分

Furthermore, humans seem naturally driven to suspect the theory accepted by most people and more likely to agree the theory which satisfies his needs. So, without distract process to validate the legitimacy of these nonmainstream areas of inquiry, researchers who fight with them even might suspect the rationality of science and become self-deception. For instance, during the Second World War, the period full of disappointment, make it is possible that Parapsychology, a kind of nonmainstream areas of inquiry, encroached the belief of people. A human being is quite a frail creature, and needs to be more firm with the truth.倒是看懂了，你是想说由于人的天性的弱点，非主流有时会引起巨大的危害。但你说的有些太晦涩了，也没有给出必要的解释，这不知道会让多少人绕进去呢，

In sum, I concede that these nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits offer people the self- confidence and self-satisfaction. However, we cannot live only with self-confidence and self-satisfaction, reason and logic cannot be substituted by psychological benefits and over-approach to these nonmainstream areas makes people become vulnerable to self-deception, fantastic ideas, and even delusions.

啊呀，老兄，优点我还是按照老规矩，不提了。
有待进一步提高的地方主要体现在文章结构上：
1，论证不够充分，似乎也有欠严谨。论点没有通过例证或其他论据给予有效支持；有时还谈谈便跑掉了
2，段与段之间的衔接不好，逻辑上也不是特别清晰
逻辑很重要，下次动笔之前要好好构思一下，相信水平会有飞跃的。
胡言乱语啊，偶水平比较凹。
上次欠老兄一篇文章不觉已近十日，但愿还来得及，先说声抱歉吧。

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