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[i习作temp] issue22 高频, 限时的苦恼 [复制链接]

sixsense
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-13 18:09:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

兄弟姐妹们，我下月9日考作文，已经写了四篇issue高频题了，但一直对时间感觉非常苦恼。听从G友前辈们的教导，我从写第一篇文章时就用pp3限时，总是写不完，因为有时间的压力，根本无暇顾及文采。特别是开头，如果不用模版而根据每个issue发挥来写，就会浪费很多时间，更不用说body部分了。我的每篇issue用45分钟写完后都是四六级的白话水平，然后再用1个多小时修改和润色，才感觉能对得起自己。大家是不是也是这样呀？如何能改进呢？实在是太苦恼了。。。。

Issue22: Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals.

题纲：
1-开题:两方面都会影响人的minds and attitude的形成
2-个人和小团体对人的thoughts and attitude 的影响
3-社会作为整体对人的thoughts and attitude 的影响
4-总结

Which is the determinant factor to shape a person's thoughts and attitudes during his or her grow-up? There is much controversy over this issue for a long time. Some people claim that a few individuals or small groups exert critical influence on thought and attitude defining, while others assert society as a whole play the most important role. In my point of view, each individual is under dual impact of both society as a whole and small groups as a part.

After born in the world, human have been living in relationships of individuals and small groups. We have parents, brother and sisters, teachers, friends, classmates and workmates. All of these individuals and small groups play great important role in shaping our personality, mind and attitudes. Brought up by our parents, we learn to walk, to talk and to develop fundamental ethics and social behavior. Parents are our original teacher to help us to touch and fell the world and the best guider for our future development both in personality, study and career. When we attend schools, we are taught and enlightened by teachers; even classmates can mutually influence, encouraging each other or causing psychological hurts to some extent, not to say our friends. When we step into the society after graduation, we are influenced more or less by bosses, team members and co-partners. There are many real stories around us that people’s career or destiny got sharply changed when they came across a person who encouraged them to change their mind and attitude and take action to dramatically change the life. My exact experience can serve as a vivid illustration. Today I still owe great gratitude to my professor David Liu. It’s his speech and encouragement changed my career attitude at college and galvanized me to pursuit my real career development instead of returning to my hometown after graduation. “Life is in your own hand” – his encouragement dramatically changed my attitude and life, and will corroborate me for future challenges and dilemma.

On the other hand, society as a whole exerts great influence on our thoughts and attitudes development. Individuals and small groups constitute the whole society, and the society represents and influence their minds and thoughts as well. We are imparted with social conventions and ethics from childhood. We are taught what is right and wrong to conform to socially accepted thoughts and behaviors. Moreover, our thoughts and behaviors, though largely derived from those who we admire, or familiar with such as family member, teachers or friends, are also the result of diversified or totally different thoughts and behaviors that filling out everyday life of the society. With the advent of information era, media’s influence is omnipresent - TV, Internet, newspaper and radio become part of our life and keep conveying social ideas to everybody thus gradually define people’s thoughts and behavior during the osmosis.

In sum, people shape and modify their thoughts and behaviors under diversified influence not only from their parents, friend, teachers and other individuals and small groups, but also from the society as a whole. It is the dual impact that causes people to think and behave in the way they do.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-14 at 15:23 ]

我的美国留学博客: http://richardrenchunbo.blog.sohu.com/

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G10T5
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-14 13:15:28 |只看该作者

作文失败，只好申请MIT了，谁让它不要GRE呢？

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2005-7-14 13:26:41 |只看该作者

谢谢，今天没时间了。回头看一下你的文章。我要去新东方上课了。
那个例子中的教授是我编的，呵呵。

我的美国留学博客: http://richardrenchunbo.blog.sohu.com/

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地板

发表于 2005-7-14 21:03:19 |只看该作者

Which is the determinant factor to shape a person's thoughts and attitudes during his or her grow-up? There is much controversy over this issue for a long time. Some people claim that a few individuals or small groups exert critical influence on thought and attitude defining, while others assert society as a whole play the most important role. In my point of view, each individual is under dual impact of both society as a whole and small groups as a part.

After born in the world, human have been living in relationships of individuals and small groups. We have parents, brother and sisters, teachers, friends, classmates and workmates. All of these individuals and small groups play great important roles in shaping our personality, mind and attitudes. Brought up by our parents, we learn to walk, to talk and to develop fundamental ethics and social behavior. Parents are our original teacher to help us to touch and fell the world and the best guiders for our future development both in personality, study and career. When we attend schools, we are taught and enlightened by teachers; even classmates can mutually influence, encouraging each other or causing psychological hurts to some extent, not to say our friends. When we step into the society after graduation, we are influenced more or less by bosses, team members and co-partners. There are many real这个词好像用得不是很好，再推敲一下吧 stories around us that people’s career or destiny got sharply changed when they came across a person who encouraged them to change their mind and attitude and take action to dramatically change the life. My exact experience can serve as a vivid illustration. Today I still owe great gratitude to my professor David Liu. It’s his speech and encouragement changed my career attitude at college and galvanized me to pursuit my real career development instead of returning to my hometown after graduation. “Life is in your own hand” – his encouragement dramatically changed my attitude and life, and will corroborate me for future challenges and dilemma. 这个例子确实没什么力度，尽量拎点名人出来吧^_^

On the other hand, society as a whole exerts great influence on our thoughts and attitudes development. Individuals and small groups constitute the whole society, and the society represents and influence their minds and thoughts as well. We are imparted with social conventions and ethics from childhood. We are taught what is right and wrong to conform to socially accepted thoughts and behaviors. Moreover, our thoughts and behaviors, though largely derived from those who we admire, or familiar with such as family member, teachers or friends, are also the result of diversified or totally different thoughts and behaviors that filling out 这个短语用的对吗？我不确定 everyday life of the society. With the advent of information era, media’s influence is omnipresent - TV, Internet, newspaper and radio become part of our life and keep conveying social ideas to everybody thus gradually define people’s thoughts and behavior during the osmosis.

In sum, people shape and modify their thoughts and behaviors under diversified influence not only from their parents, friend, teachers and or? other individuals and small groups, but also from the society as a whole. It is the dual impact that causes people to think and behave in the way they do.

总体感觉文章里的小bug不少，虽然无关大局还是需要注意！例子的说服力也不太好，尽量再找贴切一点的名人吧，感觉这方面的例子应该还是能找到的。再就是用词还可以多变一些，例如shape这个词出现了多次，可以试着替换

我还没开始写issue，提不出什么有价值的意见，还请多多包涵

[ Last edited by ring0130 on 2005-7-15 at 09:15 ]

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5楼

发表于 2005-7-15 09:41:44 |只看该作者

我也写了这篇`
我会仔细看你的文章的
先贴上我的，你可以看看我们之间分析的不同的地方
后天给你回帖
以后你再要写什么题目，先发给我啊。
我们一起写啊。

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6楼

发表于 2005-7-15 09:45:27 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;highlight=%2BiPod

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7楼

发表于 2005-7-17 10:27:49 |只看该作者

Which is the determinant factor to shape a person's thoughts and attitudes during his or her grow-up? There is much controversy over this issue for a long time. Some people claim that a few individuals or small groups exert critical influence on thought and attitude defining, while others assert society as a whole play the most important role. In my point of view, each individual is under dual impact of both society as a whole and small groups as a part. [又是提问式的开头，而且是中庸的写法。只是这两者都不太好掌握，特别是到了真正考试的时候。不过能掌握好就吊啦]

After born in the world,[改成after come to this world会不会好一点？] human have been living in relationships of individuals [有这种说法吗？living related to 行不行呢？] and small groups. We have parents, brother and sisters, teachers, friends, classmates and workmates. [好~那个的一句话哦，自己改改吧] All of these individuals and small groups play great important role in shaping our personality, [+ies] mind [+s] and attitudes. Brought up by our parents, we learn to walk, to talk and to develop fundamental ethics and social behavior. [觉得用被动比较好，因为我们是被父母教大的，应强调父母的influences啊] Parents are our original teacher to help us to touch and fell the world [看不懂这里] and the best guider for [to] our future development both in personality, study and career. When we attend schools, we are taught and enlightened by teachers; even classmates can mutually influence, encouraging each other or causing psychological hurts to some extent, not to say our friends. When we step into [好词组] the society after graduation, we are influenced more or less by bosses, team members and co-partners. There are many real stories around us that people’s career or destiny got sharply changed when they came across a person who encouraged them to change their mind and attitude and take action to dramatically change the life. My exact experience can serve as a vivid illustration. Today I still owe great gratitude to my professor David Liu. It’s his speech and encouragement changed my career attitude at college and galvanized me to pursuit my real career development instead of returning to my hometown after graduation. “Life is in your own hand” – his encouragement dramatically changed my attitude and life, and will corroborate me for future challenges and dilemma. [用自己的例子可以，但这里在最后应该总结一下吧，不要甩完例子就写下一段]

On the other hand, society as a whole exerts great influence on our thoughts and attitudes development.[加个as well as individuals好不好？也是给后面做铺垫] Individuals and small groups constitute the whole society, and the society represents and influence their minds and thoughts as well. We are imparted with social conventions and ethics from childhood. We are taught what is right and wrong to conform to socially accepted thoughts and behaviors. [其实这也是individuals教的啊，这里不严密] Moreover, our thoughts and behaviors, though largely derived from those who we admire, or familiar with such as family member, teachers or friends, are also the result of diversified or totally different thoughts and behaviors that filling out everyday life of the society. With the advent of information era, media’s influence is omnipresent - TV, Internet, newspaper and radio become part of our life and keep conveying social ideas to everybody thus gradually define people’s thoughts and behavior during the osmosis. [不要说多余的话，你要强调的是社会的影响，这里是说信息让我们更了解社会，你觉不觉得这里跟你的TS有偏差？这一小节用在科技类的ISSUE里就很好了，不要用在这里。而且这一整段你的论证is neither够有力 nor 够严密。不好意思，说的直接了点，请谅解啊。]

In sum, people shape and modify their thoughts and behaviors under diversified influence not only from their parents, friend, teachers and other individuals and small groups, but also from the society as a whole. It is the dual impact that causes people to think and behave in the way they do.

总结一下吧，这篇你丢掉了你最厉害的analytical thinking，文章分析得不够有力，彻底。例子也需加强。而且ETS最要求的EFFECTIVE WRITING 你没有做到，用词要直切主题，一针见血。反正一句话，这篇文章没有persuade and convince me.要努力啊。
关于时间的问题，不要太在意的。刚开始都这样，不怕你笑话，我的第一篇还写了4个多小时呢。后来也是逐渐的找到门路，时间字数才都上去的。（时间是下去哦）你现在先套mold,这是节省时间的好办法。等你写一段时间，大约6~8篇以后，效果就出来了。什么事情都是循序渐进的。是不是？
不要担心啊，接着写下去才是硬道理啊。加油！

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