[a习作temp] argument233(第二篇) G89互助社 10日同主题写作严重超时,大家帮我想想办法 [复制链接]

niuniu1983
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-8-10 17:11:33 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument233  第7篇让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：44分2秒    532 words
从2005年7月10日16时25分到2005年7月10日17时44分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a company that builds shopping malls throughout the country.
'The surface of a section of Route 101, paved two years ago by McAdam Road Builders, is now badly cracked and marred by dangerous potholes. In another part of the state, a section of Route 66, paved by Appian Roadways more than four years ago, is still in good condition. Appian Roadways has recently purchased state-of-the-art paving machinery, and it has hired a new quality-control manager. Because of its superior work and commitment to quality, we should contract with Appian Roadways rather than McAdam Road Builders to construct the access roads for all our new shopping malls.'
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In this argument, the arguer claims that we should contract with Appian Roadways rather than McAdam Road Builders to construct the access roads for all our new shopping malls. To justify the conclusion, the arguer provides the evidence that according to the comparison, a section of Route 66 which paved by Appian Roadways more than four years is in good condition while a section of Route 101has been cracked. In addition, the arguer assumes the action of purchasing new machine and hiring new quality- control manager will result in its advantage. For several reasons ,the arguer fails to provide adequate supports to the recommendation.

In the first place, the author unfairly assumes the fact a section of Route 101 which paved two years ago is now badly damaged results from the low quality-control of McAdam Road Builders. However, the evidence offered is insufficient to support the claim. It is possible that, there are a lot of tracks going through a section of Route 101 and meanwhile in a section of Route 66, people in this area do not like drive cars for the reason that they think riding bicycle do much more benefit to their health rather than driving. Without ruling out this possible, the author cannot convince me that McAdam Road Builders's low quality control contribute to the damage in a section of Route 101.

In the second place, the author assumes that the conditions in Route 101 is similar with Route 66.  However this is not the necessary the case. It is entirely possible that a section of Route 101 is an industrial area where pollution is much more dangerous than a section of Route 66, a natural protection area. For that matter, the comparison by the author amounts to poor.

Furthermore, the argument suffer from "either -or " reasoning. Based on the assumed fact that superior work and commitment to quality of Appian Roadways, the author unfairly concludes that they must be in favor of Appian Roadways. However, the author overlooks the possiblity that another company maybe much better than Appian Roadways not only in quality but also in price to construct the access roads for all new shopping malls.

Finally, no evidence has been offered to lend the support to the assumption that the actionof buying a new machine and hiring a new quality-control manager is the reason to high project quality of Appian Roadways. While good machine and quality-control manager contributing factor to a superior, it is not the only factor. Perhaps, this manager who is hired newly is just the one  McAdam Road Builders once hired and sent in his jacket for his unqualified ability.

In sum, the author fails to validate the conclusion that they should contract with Appian Roadways rather than McAdam Road Builders. To solidify the argument, the author should demonstrate that the reason for low qualify in a section of Route 101 contribute to McAdam Road Builders and a good conditon in area of Route 66 is due to superior work of Appian Roadways. In addition, the arguer would have to provide more concrete evidence to illustrate the new machine and manager will certainly help sever Appian Roadways to enhance its quality.

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niuniu1983
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-10 17:14:40 |只看该作者

up 一下,求助

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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wsdeg
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-11 11:42:10 |只看该作者

In this argument, the arguer claims that we should contract with Appian Roadways rather than McAdam Road Builders to construct the access roads for all our new shopping malls. To justify the conclusion, the arguer provides the evidence that according to the comparison, a section of Route 66 which paved by Appian Roadways more than four years is in good condition while a section of Route 101has been cracked. In addition, the arguer assumes the action of purchasing new machine and hiring new quality- control manager will result in its advantageadvancements of Appian Roadways. For several reasons ,the arguer fails to provide adequate supports to the recommendation.

In the first place, the author unfairly assumes the fact that a section of Route 101 which paved two years ago is now badly damaged results from the low quality-control of McAdam Road Builders. However, the evidence offered is insufficient to support the claim. It is possible that, there are a lot of tracks going through athis section of Route 101 and meanwhile in a section of Route 66, people in this area do not like drive cars for the reason that they think riding bicycle dodoesmuch more benefit to their health rather than driving. Without ruling out this possiblepossibilities, the author cannot convince me that McAdam Road Builders's low quality control contribute to the damage in a section of Route 101.

我觉得这段按照false comparison 写比较好，这样可以对应superior work, 重点好像在比较，而不是 quaility-control

In the second place, the author assumes that the conditions in Route 101 is similar with Route 66. However this is not the necessary the case. It is entirely possible that a section of Route 101 is an industrial area where pollution is much more dangerous than a section of Route 66, a natural protection area. For that matter, the comparison by the author amountsturns out tobe poor.

Furthermore, the argument suffer from "either -or " reasoning. Based on the assumed fact that superior work and commitment to quality of Appian Roadways, the author unfairly concludes that they must be in favor of Appian Roadways. However, the author overlooks the possiblity that another company maybe much better than Appian Roadways not only in quality but also in price to construct the access roads for all new shopping malls.

Finally, no evidence has been offered to lend the support to the assumption that the actionof buying a new machine and hiring a new quality-control manager is the reason to high project quality of Appian Roadways. While good machine and quality-control manager contributingcontributes factor to a superior work, it is not the only factor. Perhaps, this manager who is hired newly is just the one McAdam Road Builders once hired and sent in his jacket for his unqualified ability.
不大对啊，这里应该列举他因，因为你说不是only factor

上面两段颠倒一下，逻辑上比较好

In sum, the author fails to validate the conclusion that they should contract with Appian Roadways rather than McAdam Road Builders. To solidify the argument, the author should demonstrate that the reason for low qualify in a section of Route 101 contribute to McAdam Road Builders and a good conditon in area of Route 66 is due to superior work of Appian Roadways. In addition, the arguer would have to provide more concrete evidence to illustrate the new machine and manager will certainly help sever Appian Roadways to enhance its quality.

加油啊！！ :victory::victory:
共勉:handshake:handshake

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