[a习作temp] argument44 hand-in-hand [复制链接]

dzg2006
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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-1-15 18:51:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

argument44
44The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Monarch Books should open a café in its store to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened a café. Monarch, which has been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer following because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Opening the café would clearly attract more customers. The café would require relatively little space. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will likely become less popular given that the last national census indicated a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten." (阐明观点，预测事物的发展，并且给出理由)

Outline:
1. The manager fails to prove that opening the cafe would clearly attract more customers.
2. The manager fails to give adequate evidences to discontinue the children's book selection.
3. The manager fails to analyze the some extra negative effects of opening new cafe in the book store.

In the argument, the business manager claims that Monarch Books should open a new cafe in the store. The argument seems reasonable but several critical flaws undermine the conclusion.

In the first place, the manager fails to prove that opening the cafe would clearly attract more customers. Although the author mentioned that Regal Books recently opened a cafe, no further effects about the new cafe are provided. For example, what is the increment of the book selling in Regal Books? If there is no obvious increment or even declination in their business, the idea of opening new coffee in the book store is a bad decision.

In the second place, the manager fails to give adequate evidences to discontinue the children's book selection. Apparently, the time of the national census is not given. If the recent national census was done in ten years ago, the declination in population of children, who are under age ten, cannot be applied here because it is possible that current children population has increased significantly. Furthermore, even if the national census is done within this year, the manager fails to give the exact percentage of the declination. Moreover, because Monarch Books is famous for its wide selection of books on all subjects, people probably change their good impressions on Monarch Books if certain book selections of children are discontinued and thus they may go to other book shops instead.

Last but not least, the manager fails to analyze the some extra negative effects of opening new cafe in the book store. Firstly, although the extra cafe only requires small areas, the operational cost of the book store will be increased since the book store needs to hire extra waiters to take care of the cafe store. Secondly, the cafe opened in the book store may make books dirty because if a customer picks a book and goes to the cafe corner to enjoy coffee or tea at the same time. It is likely that the book will become dirty. This will cause extra burdens to the book maintenance because people do not want to books with certain coffee or tea spots. Thirdly, not all people like to have food and drinks flavor in the book shop. Therefore, a survey can be carried out to determine customers’ attitudes towards new café in the book shop.

In conclusion, the argument is not well reasoned. In order to make the argument more persuasive, the manager needs to show evidence that the cafe corner helps Regal Book to increase its book selling performance. In addition, the manager should provide adequate evidences to discontinue the children's book selection and identify the potential costs of new café. Last but not least, the manager should conduct a survey to determine customers’ attitudes towards the new café in the book shop.

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happypearl
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沙发

发表于 2006-1-15 19:33:29 |只看该作者

In the argument, the business manager claims that Monarch Books should open a new cafe in the store. The argument seems reasonable but several critical flaws undermine the conclusion. 这次开头怎么如此简单，我觉得适当的理由引述是需要的，当然要简练，我也在努力

In the first place, the manager fails to prove that opening the cafe would clearly attract more customers. Although the author mentioned that Regal Books recently opened a cafe, no further effects about the new cafe are provided写得好. For example, what is the increment of the book selling in Regal Books? If there is no obvious increment or even declination in their business, the idea of opening new coffee in the book store is a bad decision. 可以再加一点说M即使开咖啡厅也不一定会吸引更多顾客

In the second place, the manager fails to give adequate evidences to [justify the benefits of discontinuing] discontinue the children's book selection. Apparently, the time of the national census is not given. If the recent national census was done in ten years ago[既然是recent怎么会十年前呢？last national census], the declination in population of children, who are under age ten, cannot be applied here because it is possible that current children population has increased significantly. Furthermore, even if the national census is done within this year,the manager fails to give the exact percentage of the declination. Moreover, because Monarch Books is famous for its wide selection of books on all subjects, people probably change their good impressions on Monarch Books if certain book selections of children are discontinued and thus they may go to other book shops instead. 这一段集中了三个逻辑错误[兰色]啊，可以分段写

Last but not least, the manager fails to analyze the some extra negative effects of opening new cafe in the book store. Firstly, although the extra cafe only requires small areas, the operational cost of the book store will be increased since the book store needs to hire extra waiters to take care of the cafe store. Secondly, the cafe opened in the book store may make books dirty because if a customer picks a book and goes to the cafe corner to enjoy coffee or tea at the same time. It is likely that the book will become dirty. This will cause extra burdens to the book maintenance because people do not want to books with certain coffee or tea spots. Thirdly, not all people like to have food and drinks flavor in the book shop. Therefore, a survey can be carried out to determine customers’ attitudes towards new café in the book shop. 咖啡厅的消极影响是要考虑的，但是我感觉假设信息又太多了，像在写TOEFL作文反对开咖啡厅

In conclusion, the argument is not well reasoned.[总结逻辑错误] In order to make the argument more persuasive, the manager needs to show evidence that the cafe corner helps Regal Book to increase its book selling performance. In addition, the manager should provide adequate evidences to discontinue the children's book selection and identify the potential costs of new café. Last but not least, the manager should conduct a survey to determine customers’ attitudes towards the new café in the book shop. 建议可以再简单写

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