[i习作temp] ISSUE144 同主题第一期,Pewcg8未限时作品 [复制链接]

pewcg8
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2006-7-12 19:47:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 626 TIME: 1:05:11 DATE: 2006-7-12
留链互拍!
提纲:
观点：采取综合的平衡观点，但侧重立批评家，因为艺术家创造社会价值这一观点是社会主流，所以着力立不太被接受的批评家，最后达到观点上的平衡．
正文段１：论点：艺术的创造和灵感提供给社会长久的价值．
论证：艺术家进行艺术创作，或反映生活现状，或影射作者内心世界，或揭露社会阴暗面，或歌颂英雄人物，各种的艺术家们以不同的方式反映社会的变化和现状，预示社会的未来发展，从比较小的方面看，艺术家的作品为我们提供了欣赏和收藏的对象，启发我们对生活和社会的感悟，所以说艺术家的创作为我们提供了社会和个人的双重价值．
正文段２论点：但是，批评家可以对艺术家进行＂监督＂指引人们更好的理解艺术　
论证：艺术家的创作是靠灵感的，但是我们的社会更注重理性，所以批评家的存在使我们在艺术和现实之间找到了一个切入点，在欣赏艺术的同时又不脱离社会实际．批评家可以从更高的置身事外的角度分析艺术作品，挖掘作品内涵，评价作品优劣．更好的反映艺术的价值．
正文段３：论点：同时，批评家的批评可以使艺术家更好的审视自己的作品和创作理念，去粗取精．
论证：艺术家毕竟是人，人无完人，那么艺术家的创作就没有完全的完美，批评家其实本身就是艺术家，他们的专业性的评价可以使得艺术家的下一次创作或者作品更加的充满活力，可以说，是艺术家和批评家共同将艺术展现在世人面前的！

Different cultures view art in their respective aspects, but there is and has always been a shared character in their opinions about art. Art is creations with great inspiration as well as fully originality, creative artists make their work not only convey their feeling about life and society but also leave the public something precious. When a work of art come out, critics follow, those evaluations made by critics are also valuable. Though not creative enough, they are both critical and objective and therefore make great contributions to the society as well.

When we discuss about value, or especially the value of art, we would always mention creative thinking and originality of those famous artists. From the birth of human-beings when people begin to convey their true feelings, to the fast moving and developing contemporary society, when art has been indispensable in our daily life, the work of artist would be the best way for them to reflect the inner world and meanwhile let other people share their feelings. Obviously, the artists have provides our society with dual value, on one hand, those creations of artists offer us works to appreciate and collect and at the same time, they inspire our true sentiment about life and society. On the other hand, art as a whole has recorded the changes in people's mind and in the society. When artists use different ways such as novel, music, and painting to reflect those changes, these works of art have become the best history books and dossiers.

But anyone who insists on considering issues on a holistic plane would advise people to think about those critics. As far as I am concerned, those critics are also indispensable to art, and people would likely to view them as "supervisors" and "instructors" of art and artists. As we all know, art emphasize inspiration while our society think much of reality. How to make a balance between art and society? The critics come out as the best solution. Critics can judge these works and art styles on a more objective aspects while those artists can not. As I just mentioned, artists emphasize inspirations and creations, and in this situation, they might be too subjective and completely follow their heart, and therefore their works and feelings might be in some aspects not valuable or even harmful to the society. These critics can analyze those works, dig up their connotations and assess the merits and the shortcomings of the works of art. Only in this way can any work of art better serve to give the society lasting values.

Moreover, the critics can be best catalysts to those artists. The criticisms made by them will induce artists to better value their work and their conception about art and therefore make greater efforts to look into people's life and feeling, investigate the society and therefore publish more valuable works. Since there are never perfect art work and no perfect artist, these critics, some of them are artists as well, will lead art to a more objective and representative kind of human creation. Imagine a society without critics but with only artists, people's taste and interest in art will be ruined by endless coarse and disorder art works. When artists begin to create whatever they want regardless of the society, those works made by them will make few if there are any contributions to the society, not to mention something of lasting value.

In sum, only artists and critics as a whole can produce great fortunes in art and leave the society will creation and originality as well as creative thinking. Those works made by sedulous artists and evaluated by conscientious critics will have a long-lasting value both to people and our society and even human history.

[ 本帖最后由 pewcg8 于 2006-7-12 19:55 编辑 ]

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expire7
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沙发

发表于 2006-7-12 22:13:55 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 626 TIME: 1:05:11 DATE: 2006-7-12
留链互拍!
提纲:
观点：采取综合的平衡观点，但侧重立批评家，因为艺术家创造社会价值这一观点是社会主流，所以着力立不太被接受的批评家，最后达到观点上的平衡．
正文段１：论点：艺术的创造和灵感提供给社会长久的价值．
论证：艺术家进行艺术创作，或反映生活现状，或影射作者内心世界，或揭露社会阴暗面，或歌颂英雄人物，各种的艺术家们以不同的方式反映社会的变化和现状，预示社会的未来发展，从比较小的方面看，艺术家的作品为我们提供了欣赏和收藏的对象，启发我们对生活和社会的感悟，所以说艺术家的创作为我们提供了社会和个人的双重价值．
正文段２论点：但是，批评家可以对艺术家进行＂监督＂指引人们更好的理解艺术　
论证：艺术家的创作是靠灵感的，但是我们的社会更注重理性，所以批评家的存在使我们在艺术和现实之间找到了一个切入点，在欣赏艺术的同时又不脱离社会实际．批评家可以从更高的置身事外的角度分析艺术作品，挖掘作品内涵，评价作品优劣．更好的反映艺术的价值．
正文段３：论点：同时，批评家的批评可以使艺术家更好的审视自己的作品和创作理念，去粗取精．
论证：艺术家毕竟是人，人无完人，那么艺术家的创作就没有完全的完美，批评家其实本身就是艺术家，他们的专业性的评价可以使得艺术家的下一次创作或者作品更加的充满活力，可以说，是艺术家和批评家共同将艺术展现在世人面前的！

Different cultures view art in their respective aspects(different cultures own respective and special outlooks about art), but there is and has always been a shared character in their opinions about art. Art is creations with great inspiration as well as fully originality,(句号) creative artists make their work not only convey their feeling about life and society but also leave the public something precious.(creative works not only convey artists feeling about life and society, but also…) When a work of art (is) come out, critics follow, those evaluations made by critics are also valuable. Though not creative enough, they are both critical and objective and therefore make great contributions to the society as well. (废话挺多的，一大部分都在说artists。即然提纲写得是平衡类观点，着墨应该尽量接近。开头这样多话，真是费劲。4句话就搞定了。呵呵。而且没有一句话总论你的观点。)

When we discuss about value, or especially the value of art, we would always mention creative thinking and originality of those famous artists. From the birth of human-beings when people begin to convey their true feelings, to the fast moving and developing contemporary society, when art has been indispensable in our daily life, the work of artist would be the best way for them to reflect the inner world and meanwhile let other people share their feelings. (有堆砌的嫌疑，句式还不错)Obviously, the artists have provides our society with dual value, on one hand, （缺少连词）those creations of artists offer us works to appreciate and collect(,) and(,) at the same time, they inspire our true sentiment about life and society. On the other hand, art as a whole has recorded the changes in people's mind and in the society. When artists use different ways such as novel, music, and painting to reflect those changes, these works of art have become the best history books and dossiers. (过火的句式和低级的错误交替出现，扣分的大忌阿)

But anyone who insists on considering issues on a holistic plane(,) would advise people to think about those critics. As far as I am concerned, those critics are also indispensable to art, and(besides) people would likely to view them as "supervisors" and "instructors" of art and artists. As we all know(和上面的as far as重复), art emphasize（s） inspiration while our society think(put much emphasis on) much of reality. How to make a balance between art and society? The critics come out as the best solution.(best??逻辑错误吧。别说太满。类似几处注意一下) Critics can judge these works and art styles on a more objective aspects while those artists can not.（why?逻辑错误。A可以批很多出来噢。其实后面就是一个原因） As I just mentioned（去掉，for）, artists emphasize inspirations and creations, and in this situation, they might be too subjective and completely follow their heart, and therefore their works and feelings might be in some aspects not valuable or even harmful to the society. These critics can analyze those works, dig up their connotations and assess the merits and the shortcomings of the works of art. Only in this way can any work of art better serve to give the society lasting values.

Moreover, the critics can be best catalysts to those artists. The criticisms made by them will induce artists to better value their work and their conception about art and therefore make greater efforts to look into people's life and feeling, investigate the society and therefore publish more valuable works.（长句不一定就好的） Since there are never perfect art work and no perfect artist, these critics, some of them are artists as well, will lead art to a more objective and representative kind of human creation. Imagine a society without critics but with only artists, people's taste and interest in art will be ruined by endless coarse and disorder art works. When artists begin to create whatever they want regardless of the society, those works made by them will make few if there are any contributions to the society, not to mention something of lasting value.

In sum, only artists and critics as a whole can produce great fortunes in art and leave the society will creation and originality as well as creative thinking. Those works made by sedulous artists and evaluated by conscientious critics will have a long-lasting value both to people and our society and even human history.（结论问题不大）
1. 语言上还不够好，还需要磨练。
2. 看到后面很累了，就没有看的很仔细了。
3. 其实不错的文章，不过离好还需要努力。
;)

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pewcg8
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板凳

发表于 2006-7-13 00:17:56 |只看该作者

收到,我拿来好好消化一下,自己也觉得是小错误比较多.
看了儿郎的修改,我确定了几个修改的方向:
1.开头段的背景的论述放在正文段正观点的时候再说,缩减开头段行数,突出主题.
2.用简练的表意明确的短句把我用的过多的长句分割开.
3.全面纠正动词和介词的搭配.
4.减少重复的废话,同时注意语言的逻辑性.

[ 本帖最后由 pewcg8 于 2006-7-13 00:58 编辑 ]

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