[a习作temp] ARGUMENT117 [小鸡快跑作文小组2.28作业] 求拍 [复制链接]

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 -The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores. "Over70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they arerequired to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were inthe past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supplydepartments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend byincreasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such asprinters, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will alsoincrease stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With thesechanges, our office-supply departments will become the most profitablecomponent of our stores."WORDS:409          TIME: 0:30:00         DATE: 2007-3-1Theauthor asserts that the office-supply departments will become the mostprofitable component of Valu-Mart stores based on some evidence such as theincreasing of work at home from a recent survey. （短小精悍，我喜欢，我也学习一下啦。）Actually, thisassertion is soundless and need to be reevaluated.（这句没有信息量，容易雷同，请小心,hiahia, 我同样在警告自己的，刚才还被组长给批了）In thefirst place, the premise of the argument is that the home office machines ofoffice-supply departments in Calu-Mart（拼写错误，考官会为你难过的，e-rater 也会发飚的） stores will haveimpressive sales due to the increasing of work at home. Actually this premiseis unreasonable. Though there is the trend that most people are required totake more work at home（带回家 take work home）, we cannot say that they needmore home office machines. It is entirely possible that these workers haveenough home office machines at home and they do not need to buy any more. Andsince the survey did not provide the worker’s （workers’）working characterdistribution, it is hard to say that most of those people who would take moretime to work at home(spend more time on working at home|| the work taken homecost more time 说法总觉得怪怪的；我个人觉得，take 这个小词比较难用 ) need only office machines, maybe they need more other kinds of machineswhich do not belong to the office-supply department.In thesecond place, the arguer unjustifiably asserts that the office-supplydepartments will become profitable. Even if the increasing of work at homemakes that the home office machines become best sales, the office-supplydepartment cannot assure to be profitable. Because the office-supply departmentnot only include home office machines but also something like enterprise officemachines. If the latter one cannot be sold well, the department may not beprofitable.（画外音：营业额会增加，但是由于库藏花费抵掉了利润额度，所以获利艰难） In addition, the argumentarbitrarily increase the stock of supplies such as papers, pens and staplers isreasonless. As we all know, this kind of stock is very common and maybe themarket has been saturated.（emm, 我没有想到市场饱和的事情，牛啊你）Finally,the evidences of the argument are insufficient and the conclusion isopinionated. The survey does not supply to what expand（这个地方是什么意思ni？调查范围或者规模可以用 size 吧） it was conducted andhow many more people are required to take work at home relative to the past.Moreover, even if the office-supply department will be profitable, it may notbe the most profitable one. The performance of other departments of Valu-Martstores determines the rank of the performance of office-supply department.（nodding）Therefore, to convince me that the office-supplydepartment will be profitable the arguer should provide a more detailed surveywhich should include the distribution of the workers who are required to takework at home and other information on the market shares of office machines ofValu-Mart stores.