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[i习作temp] 【15日急速冲刺小组】第一次作业,issue221 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-3-29 08:01:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
221"The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."

People nowdays always believe that globalization and the flourish of information are bring us into a totally new age of human history, a future no individual can assert gloom or bright, since our fathers rarely have guidance for this generation who are confronting the realm they could not ever imagine of. However, I agree with the speaker on the issue that knowledges from history will rather teaching us common groud between periods of time, than emphasising the differences-which are ill-holded by most people.

First of all, basically, history is like a pop-music song played repeatedly in our walkman player, especially on the personal level. Stories alike are carried onto the stage time and time, with the basic human nature-our desires and motives, fears and other basic characteristics-those have remained constant. Among them there is one can never be denied, LOVE, the touching emotions between men and women. Consider, for example, teenagers start to chasing romances when they realize the needs for another part of their lives. Boy stands by the window where is the girl he loves; passion in heart is translated into rhyme in the air, just like Romeo and Julia, which are described as steroetype during the period of Revival of Learning. For what is changed is not the desire for trully love, but only the instrument in hand, from violin to eletronic guitar. One might say that love is becoming incredible, as marriages become short, and single parents that we can see all around. I would argue that although with the increase of people's richness that we can choose to live alone,  the one who convinces us that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for us to open is the very thing we are going to seek for whole lives.

What is more, people present invariabilty in social realm. Ever since human beings appeared on the earth, we are defined in diverse groups but not single person. No one can keep away from people surrounded only if he/she is left onto a desert island by an air-crush accident, and it is believed that he/she will lost the human nature of self-defination with the terrible reality that there is no one to speak with. The genre tends to be deeply conservative-politically, cuturally, psychologically. We need safety, the safety that we can be categoried into certain groups. Nowadays, people are seperated by the songs'name on the ipods' screen. We may go to the concert for the same band as we go to the church for the same God. Although today the word "personality" is on the frontpage of our dictionaries, only by the people with same features can we show differences. Actually, the framework of groups is not fading, but being lined again, with bold.

However, admittedly, many situations we are facing today were unbelievable to our fathers in their period. Individuals are not only receivers as before, but also deliverers of news, paintings and songs, or even literatures. All of these should thank to the internet, which connect people all over the world, allowing us exchange variable information, and meanwhile signing the qualified licenses for manufacturing counterproducts, that may include irrational and porn or materials alike that are harmful to kids and people vulnerable to circumstance around. Competing with a mass caused by new technology is the problems raised in social structure. People can live much longer, as the development in healthing system and medical care. At the same time, married couples that were parents already refuse to have children with the establishment of endowment insurance, which is thought to substitute the support from offspring. As a result, nations especially western developed countries confront the aging problem-fewer youngsters are under the pressure of old men/women in increasing number.

To sum up, I concede history can not teach us exactly what to do, but it can tell what we could refer to. Although In the study of history we can not learn the methods for solving problem, we can absorb passion, bravery and responsability. People in 21st century are not the first generation in the face of unprecedence; unprecedence is common to every generation in their own times. When step into the history of Initiation, Industry Revolution and World War, we apprehend that there is little difference between people today and our ancestors, with the honor as the master of our date.

大家多拍,我觉得问题还是很多的

[ 本帖最后由 zllgrubby 于 2007-3-29 12:22 编辑 ]
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沙发
发表于 2007-3-29 08:54:25 |只看该作者
确实有问题
结构上
貌似你用的是修锐老师很不提倡的一种开头,而且结尾深化了一下。不过这种方式是我在托福中经常用的……
分论点上
第一个没问题,就是TS句写的有些含蓄,一般这句写明白些,容易读下去。结尾句读的不明白,感觉和TS句没什么关系
第二个貌似说的是group的事情
第三个也没问题

中间就没细看
奥特曼中国联盟
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板凳
发表于 2007-3-29 12:05:20 |只看该作者
给你个建议,呵呵,以后段与段直间最好空一行,呵呵,真正考试的时候也是要这样的,现在也方便其它人看哦.

加油~~
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地板
发表于 2007-3-29 12:25:24 |只看该作者
谢谢大家的建议都很中肯,awe的文章就是应该写得清楚一些,这样逻辑上才看起来漂亮。尽快写出第二篇给大家看看。

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RE: 【15日急速冲刺小组】第一次作业,issue221 [修改]
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