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[a习作temp] argument140 请ILOVEISSUE 帮忙看看,谢谢 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-4-4 11:54:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

In this report, the author claims that Elm City University (ESU) should raise the salary of Professor Thomas and promote her to Department Chairperson of botany to prevent her leaving ESU. However, close scrutiny of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.

First of all, the facts that Professor Thomas's ability to teach the largest class and bring more money of the last two years do not mean she is worth a $60000 annual salary.  We should check the situations conditionally. It is probably true that Pro Thomas is teaching the basic discipline of the university or she usually gives students high scores, that could explain why her classes are one of the largest classes of the university. In addition, we have no idea how much money she has brought in research. Is it possible that money is less than $60000? If it is the case the raise would be unreasonable. We also do not know the time limits of the money. It is entirely possible that her research money is just for two years limits, she will not have that money this year after. Without knowing the above information, the raise to her salary is questionable.

Besides, the author fails to give the evidence that Pro. Thomas is qualified to be a Department Chairperson. Common sense tells us a person's ability in teaching and research does not mean he would be a good leader. It is entirely possible that professor Thomas lacks the ability to be a leader. Or perhaps there are other professors in the academy who are more qualified than her. Moreover, if Professor Thomas is promoted to that position,there still has problems. Such problems include how much time she will spend in the teaching and research, Is that time enough? Is it helpful to her teaching and research? Without knowing the information of Professor Thomas herself, the promotion is open to doubt.

Finally, Granted that above assumptions are valid, the author also fails to give any evidence that the promotion and raise of salary would prevent Professor Thomas from leaving. On one hand, we should consider the personal inclination of the professor. It is entirely possible that she is tired of working in the university after 17 years of work, she just wants to have a change, perhaps to some better university or to a company, thus the she has lost the interest of the promotion and raise of salary. On the other hand, we should also consider the other factors, such as whether the raise of salary is high enough, the promotion is good enough. It is entirely possible that the other university offers more salary and higher position than ESU, the means that ESU will take would not help prevent Professor Thomas from leaving.

In sum, the report is not convincing as it stands. To bolster it, the author should provide sufficient evidence that raise of salary and promotion is necessary and adequate to keep the professor staying in ESU. To better evaluate the report, I need more information about Professor Thomas herself and other environmental factors.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-4-4 13:58 编辑 ]
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发表于 2007-4-4 13:26:31 |只看该作者
In this report, the author claims that Elm City University (ESU) should raise the salary of Professor Thomas and promote her to Department Chairperson of botany to prevent her leaving ESU. However, close scrutiny of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it lends little credible support to the conclusion.最好不以和别人的写的一模一样,However可以改成nevertheless,close scrutiny可以改成careful examination很多地方可以改

First of all, the facts that Professor Thomas's ability to teach the largest class and bring more money of the last two years do not mean she is worth a $60000 annual salary.完全没有把握作者的逻辑主线  We should check the situations conditionally.什么意思 It is probably true没见过的用法 that Pro Thomas is teaching the basic discipline of the university or she usually gives students high scores, that could explain why her classes are one of the largest classes of the university.作者提出这个论据是为了证明popularity in the students应该要提及In addition, we have no idea how much money she has brought in research. Is it possible that money is less than $60000?。。。汗,能说明什么? If it is the case the raise would be unreasonable. We also do not know the time limits of the money. It is entirely possible that her research money is just for two years limits, she will not have that money this year after.举出的反例都强词夺理,为什么以前搞得多,今后就没有了?让读者不能信服。最好写比如过去两年国家教科委比较重视植物学,因此给的钱多,而以后热门过去了,就没钱了 Without knowing the above information, the raise to her salary is questionable.
还是一点,写举出的反例不知要反驳那一点
不能为举反例而举反例,要有适当的reasoning让别人知道举反例的目的

Besides, the author fails to give the evidence that Pro. Thomas is qualified to be a Department 作者怎么没有给出证据?前两条论据都是作者给的证据,最多说fails to give sufficient evidenceChairperson. Common sense tells us a person's ability in teaching and research does not mean he would be a good leader.(这句话做为ts可能效果会好一点) It is entirely possible that professor Thomas lacks the ability to be a leader.光说一句lack the ability等于什么都没说,leader需要哪些ability?都应该指出,细节万岁。 Or perhaps there are other professors in the academy who are more qualified than her这句话是围绕哪句话展开的?common sense tells me…?没有关系吧。. Moreover, if Professor Thomas is promoted to that position,there still has problems.sigh,一递进,就不能围绕ts.ts说的是没有资格做chairperson,递进怎么就成为影响科研? Such problems include how much time she will spend in the teaching and research, Is that time enough? Is it helpful to her teaching and research? Without knowing the information of Professor Thomas herself, the promotion is open to doubt.

Finally, Granted that above assumptions are valid, the author also fails to give any evidence that the promotion and raise of salary would prevent Professor Thomas from leaving. On one hand, we should consider the personal inclination of the professor.不错 It is entirely possible that she is tired of working in the university after 17 years of work, she just wants to have a change, perhaps to some better university or to a company, thus the she has lost the interest of the promotion and raise of salary. 这个反例还不错,只是逗号不能连接句子,要用and连接On the other hand, we should also consider the other factors, such as whether the raise of salary is high enough, the promotion is good enough.人家教授目光就这么短浅,sigh…最好说说其他学校环境怎么怎么样,科研能力怎么怎么样,光给钱时不能解决问题的,人家喜不喜欢做chairperson,如果人家一心搞科研,做个chairperson麻烦死了,还不如换学校 It is entirely possible that the other university offers more salary and higher position than ESU, sigh…给钱多就走,position高就走,也许吧。。。the means that ESU will take would not help prevent Professor Thomas from leaving.这段比前两段逻辑好多了

写得时候要把握作者的逻辑主线
1.        最大的课——〉在学生中流行——〉教育能力
所以第一个批点就是上课的人多不一定流行,即使流行也不能说明教育能力高
2.        钱搞得比工资高——〉钱搞得很多——〉研究能力
第二个批点:钱搞得比工资高不能说明钱搞得很多跟别人比,即使多,也和研究能力无关搞钱可能只是社交能力强,不说明科研能力
3.        1,2——〉promotion
第三个让步,即使承认research ability 和 teaching ability,也不一定能做Leader,再让步,即使有这些能力,其他的professor呢?
4.        不promotion他就会走
第四个批点,没说会走,即使要走,光加钱就有用吗?

Anyway进步很大,继续加油

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发表于 2007-4-4 13:55:07 |只看该作者
太谢谢了,豁然开朗,我本来准备先攻击不promotion 也未必会走,即没有evidence表明Thomas对她的Salary 和Position不满意。其次teaching and reasearch ,然后说promotion, 最后说是否会走的问题。只是时间紧不好写,不知这样会怎么样。
Is it possible that money is less than $60000?。。。隐含的是如果Money前去salary不足10000,为什么要涨10000工资呢.
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RE: argument140 请ILOVEISSUE 帮忙看看,谢谢 [修改]
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