In this analysis, the arguer claims that Professor Thomas should receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson considering her demonstrated teaching and research abilities. To verify the claim, the arguer provides the evidence, which is used to illustrate the teaching and researching abilities of Thomas, that her classes are among the largest at the university and the research grants she has brought to the university has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. In addition, another assumption that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college if salary rising and promotion are not provided is also considered. The arguer commits several critical flaws.
(首段分析非常全面,语言好)
First of all, the mere facts that Thomas' classes are among the largest at the university and the money she has brought in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years is(前文是facts,此处应该是are吧) insufficient evidences to demonstrate her teaching and research abilities. Firstly, there may be other factors which could influence the size of the classes, for example, the amount of students who have to take that course, also the number of teacher who lectures on that course and so on. It is a possible reason for the large size of Thomas classes that a large amount of students who must take this course while only Thomas is lecturing on it. Therefore, without taking into account such kind of factors, the conclusion of her popularity among students is premature. Secondly, the money Thomas brought in research grants tells little about her research ability. The research ability is not reflected by the research grants only; it may also be evaluated by some other factors, for example, the number and the quality of the papers. The arguer unfairly concludes that Thomas has great research ability only from the perspective of the amount of the research grants.
(建议将该段分成两段来写,层次更加分明些,写在一起读以来很冗杂)
Secondly, it is not well reasoned that if(似乎该用whether) Thomas is suitable for the position of the Department Chairperson. Even if her teaching and research abilities are demonstrated, whether she has the characteristics of a leadership is still open to doubt. Except the responsibility of leading the department in the field of academic, a Department Chairperson is also required to deal with a few work of administration(a few似乎不太好,说服力不强啊,既然很少,那就没必要要求ability of management). Although Thomas has a great ability of teaching and researching, when it comes to the management, perhaps she could not perform very well.
Finally, the assumption that Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college without such a raise and promotion is unwarranted. Excluding the salary and position, other factors may also affect the choice of Professor Thomas. There is possibility that because she has been in the Elm City University for seventeen years and be accustomed and satisfied to her current life, she may not choose to transfer to another college.
(这段说理不够充分,我觉得应该说no evidence表明Thomas会离开or other University welcome her) To sum up, the arguer should produce more evidence to illustrate Thomas' teaching and research abilities. Meanwhile, except for Thomas' achievement in academic, other characteristics of her which are essential for Department Chairperson should also been claimed. Additionally, only if the assumption of Thomas' possible transferring is well reasoned, will the argument be more convincing.
总的来说说理充分,分析透彻,组长的语言非常好。
[ 本帖最后由 linshao 于 2007-7-22 16:49 编辑 ] |