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Issue147 【模考限时成功】求狠拍
TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 487 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2007-7-26 14:51:49
Are tradition and modernization incompatible, the author claims so, and states that we must choose one between them. However, in my opinion, although tradition and modernization have much contradiction, they could be consistent to some extend.
Admittedly, modernization contradicts tradition in many areas in today's life. We are enjoying the benefits of the development of science (科技的发展,这是你这段的基调)and meanwhile we have to change something traditional in order to catch up with the pace of today's world. Both of them has influence in people's minds, for supporting example, we need not look further than the example of the status improving of women in society. In the past, women do not have the rights to be educated and to work out of home, even Chinese women in the past should follow her fathers, her husbands, and even her children. They have no freedom(这个例子和科技有关么?至少你没有提及,偏离了你的论点). But today, women have the equal rights to men in education, in work, in all realms. Additionally, the two differs in life styles. For instance, we only celebrate our festivals in the past, while we now also celebrate other country’s.(后面这2句没看懂,想证明什么?另外你对例子没有分析,摆出来就完了么?你不分析下,怎么能说明你的观点?不证自明不存在于aw)
However, although they have so much contradiction in almost every realm, they could be consistent in some extent, as they still share community in essence. Take the modern education as a supporting example. Although we teach much more knowledge through education than our ancestors, the objective of education remains the same as before, to initiate knowledge and prepare the students to society. Moreover, no matter how modernize we become, how prosperity we will achieve, some essence in tradition could not substitute for modernization(没看出这层和上层有什么区别,上层其实就是教育的essence) such as fealty to parents, loyalty to nation, endeavor to individuals. Furthermore(in addition吧), modernization could resort to tradition when it suffers from some difficulties in development(这一层完全可以作为一个单独的段落来论述了). Just like merchant could derive thoughts from Sun'zi Art of War in commercial fight; artist could get inspiration through the research of tradition; architects could add traditional elements in the architecture. Many new cross fields achieve success though this way. Consider our popular music, many hot topics are the one with classical style; and we still resort to Confucianism in education and even politics. So, we could combine modernization with tradition, if we spread our efforts to find the similar essence of the two, not be covered by their contradiction.(分析还是一样不足,为什么有些传统能保留,有些不能,完全可以从其包含的价值入手进行说明)
Finally, as materials of past society, tradition has its own limitation, which should be identified in our combination of the two, as the limitation will impede our development. Such as some fatuous ideas discriminate against women and superstition, which could not consist with modern ideas at all. All these demerits should be avoided in the way of combination, so that we could get the positive assistance from tradition.(。。。。这段和第一个主题段合并下不好么?基本讨论的是一个内容,说的还是不相容的问题)
So, as a conclusion, tradition and modernization are compatible, we may make them consistent. And this need us to try our best to discard the dross and select the essential from tradition in the way of modernization, with some essence unchangeable.
比较大的问题就是层次不清晰和缺少论证说明,在思路上多下下功夫吧 |
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