[a习作temp] argument238 [METTLE] [复制链接]

macaw
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-7-29 21:35:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

ARGUMENT238
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 580       TIME: 01:00:00       DATE: 2007-7-27 15:40:14
前提一，MV的学生不好找工作
前提二，两门课程对找工作有帮助
结论，MV应该加这两门课，用来提高就业率。

In this argument, the arguer conclusion that  in order to help Mira Vista(MV)'s graduates find employment, they must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help student with their resumes and interviewing skills. To bolster this conclusion the arguer assumes that Green Mountain (GM) College, which has more business course and more job counselors than MV has higher graduating rate than MV. In addition the arguer provides several comparisons to these two colleges. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, the arguer assumes that GM College which 90 percent of student had job offer due to their enough business and computer technology course. As we all know, different persons will fit for different domains; it is not assume that learning business and computer technology could in favor of further jobs. Perhaps GM has more entire curriculums which can help graduates to get good offers. Or perhaps, GM’s graduating seniors are fit for society with their practice subjects or their communicated abilities.  are more fit for society with their subjects or their ability.Thus, the arguer needs to provide more warranted evidence to convince that the two aspects have causal relationship.
and computer techology
Moreover, only comparing with this existing graduating rate can not assume that MV’s graduating seniors lack competitionis weak in this areasipnes. The arguer provides a pair of number to prove this assumption that GM has 90 percent higher than the MV's 70 percent. Yet, these numbers were absent persuasion. We cannot evaluate a college only with the graduating rate, perhaps the total number of MV is much bigger than GM, and its graduates spread all over the nation, their 70 percent is much more larger than the 90 ones. Or perhaps, these 70 percent of student have better jobs rather then those 90 percent ones. So, a detail with two Colleges is what we required.

It is true that 70 percent graduating rate seems to be likely smaller than the 90 ones, the arguer also shown an uncompleted comparison. Careful considering this comparison, we can find several flaws which are provided by the arguer restrict to MV College: (1) these 70 percent of seniors have been informed the placement office. (2) They had found the full-time jobs within three months. (3) Half of them were employed in their major field of study. The arguer fails to consider the problems which mention above to GM College. No evidence the arguer provides which circumscribes does the GM’s graduating rate have. Thus, we cannot convince that the MV College needs to increase their courses, until the arguer provide more about it.

On the other hand, perhaps MV is a college of science, these two courses already includes in their curriculum, and there have other problems which lead to this number. Perhaps they have excessive requirement with the quality of jobs, or most of them select to further education such as Master or PhD, not to work immediately. It entirely possible that the other 30 percent MV's graduates who lack mentioned in the argument could find their well job after this period. So, without ruling out the other possible reasons, the arguer’s assumptions remain need to be more reasonable.

In sum, considering the evidence that mention above, the arguer fails to justify that MV College need to enhance their graduating senior’s employment by adding to two courseseri ing seniors declineoner or later. To support this conclusion the arguer has to provide more credible reason about the two colleges. To convince us that it is a fact.

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werecat
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-30 00:17:59 |只看该作者

In this argument, the arguer conclusion that in order to help Mira Vista(MV)'s graduates find employment, they must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help student with their resumes and interviewing skills. To bolster this conclusion the arguer assumes that Green Mountain (GM) College, which has more business course and more job counselors than MV has higher graduating rate than MV. In addition the arguer provides several comparisons to these two colleges. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, the arguer assumes that GM College which 90 percent of student had job offer due to their enough business and computer technology course. As we all know, different persons will fit for different domains; it is not assume that learning business and computer technology could in favor of further jobs. Perhaps GM has more entire curriculums which can help graduates to get good offers. Or perhaps, GM’s graduating seniors are fit for society with their practice subjects or their communicated[communication] abilities. are more fit for society with their subjects or their ability. Thus, the arguer needs to provide more warranted evidence to convince that the two aspects have causal relationship. [句子不完整吧]
and computer technology[哪里来的句子？]
Moreover, only comparing with this existing graduating rate can not assume that MV’s graduating seniors lack competitionis weak in this areasipnes[拼错了]. The arguer provides a pair of number to prove this assumption that GM has 90 percent higher[90% higher表示GM是MV的190%，应该说GM is 90 while MV is 70] than the MV's 70 percent. Yet, these numbers were absent persuasion. We cannot evaluate a college only with the graduating rate, perhaps the total number [number of what?]of MV is much bigger than GM, and its graduates spread all over the nation, their 70 percent is much more larger than the 90 ones.[解释得不清楚] Or perhaps, these 70 percent of student have better jobs rather then those 90 percent ones. So, a detail with two Colleges is what we required.

It is true that 70 percent graduating rate seems to be likely smaller than the 90 ones, the arguer also shown an uncompleted comparison. Careful considering this comparison, we can find several flaws which are provided by the arguer restrict to MV College: (1) these 70 percent of seniors have been informed the placement office. (2) They had found the full-time jobs within three months. (3) Half of them were employed in their major field of study. The arguer fails to consider the problems which mention above to GM College. No evidence the arguer provides which circumscribes does the GM’s graduating rate have. Thus, we cannot convince that the MV College needs to increase their courses, until the arguer provide more about it.[这一段只是列举了几个事实，基本没有什么argue嘛。。。]

On the other hand, perhaps MV is a college of science, these two courses already includes in their curriculum, and there have other problems which lead to this number. Perhaps they have excessive requirement with the quality of jobs, or most of them select to further education such as Master or PhD, not to work immediately. It entirely possible that the other 30 percent MV's graduates who lack mentioned in the argument could find their well job after this period[what period？应该明确指出3个月]. So, without ruling out the other possible reasons, the arguer’s assumptions remain need to be more reasonable.

In sum, considering the evidence that mention above, the arguer fails to justify that MV College need to enhance their graduating senior’s employment by adding to two courseseri ing seniors declineoner or later. To support this conclusion the arguer has to provide more credible reason about the two colleges. To convince us that it is a fact.

[几个攻击点比较零散，没有从最突出的错误开始攻击，而且后面几点攻击有些重复]

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