[i习作temp] ISSUE83 [WINNER]小组第五次作业 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-8-9 07:43:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 453 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2007-8-9 0:21:27

At the age of industrialization and globalization, the environment that we live in is increasingly getting worse. More and more wilderness areas which once was home of various wild animals have been disappearing with the great development of the civilization. Therefore, a lot of wild animals lost home and some species are endangered at present and even worse many species have been extinctive now. Moreover, human beings are losing their wild friends, in order to protect environment and save ourselves, government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state.

Admittedly, all the beings in the world beside human beings live together and construct the harmonious ecosystem. It is known that, each species of the world is in the chain of beings and play a very important role in the ecosystem. For example, grass and leaves of other plants are the food of rabbits, however, rabbits can be preyed by wolves, at the same time tigers can eat wolves in order to live. If there are no grass and other plant in the world, there will be no human beings, for the reason that we can not find food and meat. Therefore, people and government in every country should make great efforts to protect the wildness areas as like protect themselves.

We should also see the value in preserving the publicly owned wilderness areas in the long tem. It is true that the effort to protect the wild areas is not only the problem of money, but also the problem of materials. In the short run, the government consumes a large amount of money and employs a lot of people to manage the environment problem, but we and our offspring will benefit from this policy. We and our scions can live more comfortably, have fresh water, and inspire fresh air and so on. We and our scions can live harmoniously with wild animals which are certainly our good friends in the world.

Not only the government but also the citizens are responsible for the preserving of publicly owned wilderness areas. Perhaps, we can donate some money to the wild protection organization or remind the people around us stint the energy and resources. To protect the wildness areas, we can economize one paper a day from now on. If people all over the world can realize the problem, we can save a lot of forests one year and reduce the deforestation.

In sum, preserving and protecting of wild areas is not only the responsibility of government but also the obligation of any citizen in the world. We should protect our environment as protect ourselves. In order to leave a prosperous and harmonious world to our offspring, we should make efforts from now on.

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沙发

发表于 2007-8-9 14:54:07 |只看该作者

At the age of industrialization and globalization, the environment that we live in is increasingly getting worse. More and more wilderness areas which once was home of various wild animals have been disappearing with the great development of the civilization(这个好像是文明的意思，城市化是citification？). Therefore, a lot of wild animals lost home and some species are endangered at present and even worse (感觉不对，what is even worse？)many species have been extinctive now. Moreover, human beings are losing their wild friends, in order to protect environment and save ourselves, government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state.（觉得开头有点罗唆，前面说因为人类使野生动物减少灭绝，感觉应该属于论述的范畴，而如果作为统领全文的原因又显得太单薄，这个只是一个方面，不如把最后一句提到前面，然后简单列举一下原因）

Admittedly, all the beings in the world beside（besides？） human beings live together and construct the harmonious ecosystem（可能是我理解错了，为啥是除了人类之外的生物住在一起啊。。。人也是啊。。。）. It is known that, each species of the world is in the chain of beings and play a very important role in the ecosystem. For example, grass and leaves of other plants are the food of rabbits, however, rabbits can be preyed by wolves, at the same time tigers can eat wolves in order to live. If there are no grass and other plant in the world, there will be no human beings, for the reason that we can not find food and meat. （meat包含在food里。。）Therefore, people and government in every country should make great efforts to protect the wildness areas as like protect themselves. (这段主要说食物链的问题，从而体现出wilderness的重要性，但是觉得有点片面，在对环境的作用方面，wilderness还有调节气候等重要作用啊～)

We should also see the value in preserving the publicly owned wilderness areas in the long tem（term）. It is true that the effort to protect the wild areas is not only the problem of money, but also the problem of materials. In the short run, the government consumes a large amount of money and employs a lot of people to manage the environment problem, but we and our offspring will benefit from this policy. We and our scions can live more comfortably, have fresh water, and inspire fresh air and so on. We and our scions can live harmoniously with wild animals which are certainly our good friends in the world.（这段说长远好处，但是感觉说的是保护环境的结果，论述少了点，如果再说说如果不保护会怎样，从正反两个方面说明从长远的利益上看的重要性，再者，感觉主要说的是保护环境，而没有突出保护wilderness areas）

Not only the government but also the citizens are responsible for the preserving of publicly owned wilderness areas. Perhaps, we can donate some money to the wild protection organization or remind the people around us stint the energy and resources. To protect the wildness areas, we can economize one paper a day from now on. If people all over the world can realize the problem, we can save a lot of forests one year and reduce the deforestation.(角度不错，但是感觉还是环保，而不突出wilderness areas。。。)

In sum, preserving and protecting of wild areas is not only the responsibility of government but also the obligation of any citizen in the world. We should protect our environment as protect ourselves. In order to leave a prosperous and harmonious world to our offspring, we should make efforts from now on.

整体感觉是再说环保的重要性，而没有突出主题wilderness areas，以及remote and accesible for only a few people，显得论述不充分，主题不突出
语言还不错，逻辑上再清晰一些，论述再全面一些就好了～
一起加油～
个人拙见，请多包涵哈～

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