[a习作temp] argument146 明天考试啦～求拍～有拍必回 [复制链接]

infant~
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-8-19 12:35:58 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT146 - The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper.

"The librarians in our town's school system have reported that the number of trips that our students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recent years. For example, the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times last year, but four of those visits were part of required classroom activities. This shows that our students are reading less than in the past. To address this problem, our town needs to improve the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places in which to work. If students view the libraries as uncomfortable, then they are unlikely to want to spend much time there."
WORDS: 421 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2008-8-19 12:20:33

The argument is concerned with the decreased trips that students voluntarily go to school library. Reasoning from several facts, the author suggests that improve the atosphere of the libraries would sufficiently address this problem. However, careful scrutiny of the argument reveals several problems that the author needs to take into consideration in order to better and effectively solve the problems.

First and foremost, the author partly relies on a report involving limited sample and time span to make a general conclusion that students are having fewer trips to school libraries. As we know, the total students in a town cover far more than only the seventh-grade. Perhaps this particular group appears to spend less time in school library duo to their curriculum needs which require them to participate more in social activities. Or perhaps this group of students simple cannot find proper books and resources that satisfy their needs. More importantly, we do not know the portion of the seventh-grade students in the whole population students in the town. The smaller this portion is, the less reliable the reports are. After all, with reports only concern a small group of students it is possible that other students are doing oppositely. In addition, the time span is too short to make a broader generelization. What if last year is speical with harsh weather that influences trasportation to school libraries, or with significantly demographic shifts in students?

Even if the reports truthfully refelct the current condition, less trips to school libraries are not necessarily indicate less reading time. It is entirely possible that students turn to spend time reading at home where Internet assistance are more accessible, or bookstores where information are more fresh. It is also possible that students start to purchase books rather than borrow them by virtue of improved economic condition.

Last but not least, before carrying out the recommended course of action, the author needs to make specific research so as to know the real reason caused the undesired decrease mentioned above. Instead of bad atmospere fo the libraries, there are other possiblities like that library keepers are impolite and impatient to students, or that libraries fail to keep in pace with ever-changing information that students need more, or that libraries are doing bad job in advertising themselves that new students in the school do not know even where libraries are.

The argument has some merits in concerning students' fewer trips to school library. However, to better solve the problem, the author needs more contemplation and research before action.

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xtaugduaqq
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沙发

发表于 2008-8-19 14:24:53 |只看该作者

回复 #1 infant~ 的帖子

把你email给我，我改完了，但批注复制不过来

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xtaugduaqq
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板凳

发表于 2008-8-19 14:28:07 |只看该作者

原帖由 xtaugduaqq 于 2008-8-19 14:24 发表
把你email给我，我改完了，但批注复制不过来

The argument is concerned with the decreased trips that students voluntarily go to school library. Reasoning from several facts, the author suggests that improve the atmosphere of the libraries would sufficiently address this problem. However, careful scrutiny of the argument reveals several problems that the author needs to take into consideration in order to better and effectively solve the problems.

First and foremost, the author partly relies on a report involving limited sample and time span to make a general conclusion that students are having fewer trips to school libraries. As we know, the total students in a town cover far more than only the seventh-grade. Perhaps this particular group appears to spend less time in school library due to their curriculum needs which require them to participate more in social activities. Or perhaps this group of students simple cannot find proper books and resources that satisfy their needs. More importantly, we do not know the portion of the seventh-grade students in the whole population students in the town. The smaller this portion is, the less reliable the reports are. After all, [url=]with reports only concern a small group of students it is possible that other students are doing oppositely.[/url][a1] In addition, the time span is too short to make a broader generelization. [url=]What if last year is special with harsh weather that influences transportation to school libraries, or with significantly demographic shifts in students?[/url][a2]

Even if the reports truthfully reflect the current condition, less trips to school libraries are not necessarily indicate[url=] less reading time.[/url][a3] It is entirely possible that students turn to spend time reading at home where Internet assistance are more accessible, or bookstores where information are more fresh. It is also possible that students start to purchase books rather than borrow them by virtue of improved economic condition.
(演绎的不错)

[url=]Last but not least[/url][a4] , before carrying out the recommended course of action, the author needs to make specific research so as to know the real reason caused the undesired decrease mentioned above. Instead of bad atmospere of the libraries, there are other possiblities like that library keepers are impolite and impatient to students, or that libraries fail to keep in pace with ever-changing information that students need more, or that libraries are doing bad job in advertising themselves that new students in the school do not know even where libraries are.

The argument has some merits in concerning students' fewer trips to school library. However, to better solve the problem, the author needs more contemplation and research before action.

（由于我的水平有限，有些地方还请包涵）
[a1]虽然我懂这个意思，但总觉得有点不顺，你再好好想想吧

[a2]最好别用疑问句结尾，各段的结尾都是有个总结，启下的作用

[a3]感觉有汉翻的痕迹在，可以写成
That the reading time inclined

[a4]这句用的不也错哦

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