[i习作temp] issue144【文以载道一月小组】第一周作业11月17日 Xiny85 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-11-17 22:59:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

144 "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
1) 艺术家优雅的坐在或者站着，笔杆或镜头在眼前飞舞，思维在跳跃，他们用文字或图画向我们传达一种思想，传达着他们那个年代的世界观与方法论，看着m在微笑，我们惊叹d的巧妙，在充满书香气的图书馆里，我们体念着各种环境，或许那是一个遥远的年代，但他却如此的渊源流唱到如今。音乐厅里b的音符在跳动，那种强有力的感觉依然存在。。。不可否认，艺术家们give society sth of lasting value.
2) 艺术的存在，必然导致评论家的存在，评论让我们更进一步的了解艺术的价值，一件没有任何评论的艺术，将不会被人们记住，对这个社会也是没有价值的，评论家让我们更直接的了解这个社会，了解各个群体。他从侧面创造a lasting value.他的价值已经深深的蕴藏在我们的思维里面。
3）艺术家与评论家是两个平行的群体，他们共同创造一种持久地价值。

What is "give society the lasting value"? First, I focus on the word "give", it means not only creating a fresh thing for the society but also discovering or brought an existing thing to the society. If the artist who creates the value works may not show them to the society. We cannot say that he giving the society the value things. And a person who excavates a valuable article for our society will be regarded to give the society worthy. Secondly, the word "society" attracts my attention. The articles which are accepted and realized by the society just can be lasting; otherwise they have no value to the society. Sometime, it is just the critic who takes the bridge between artists and the society. In my view, when we discussing the problem of who really give the society the lasting value, we cannot neglect the critic's role as well as the artist's.

Firstly, I affirm the status of the artists who are the original of the lasting value, and a lot of their artworks are preserved till now because of their powerful value. Artists use word, music or picture to show us how it is about their period or what it is the thought of them. Considering the beauty of some works which are lasting to recent, it will let us know that artists really give the society the value. It is the smile of Mona Lisa that not only tell me the lady’s beauty of Vinci’ time, but also surprise us on the artful skill. Moreover we benefit from the V’s painting skill and create many other wonderful paintings by learning of it; We quietly sitting in the library smell the aroma of book and immerse in the faraway ages. We can feel the love or emotion of the ancients because it is so strong to impress our mind. Julia and Romeo vividly created by Shakespeare are tearing in our mind. Meanwhile, the Beethoven’s symphonies wander beside our ears and we can feel our life is dancing; It is Van Gogh who painted the "sun flower" that show people the sense hope. All of these valuable works give us hope, power, love and beauty and so on, they used a unique way to tell me how to present our mind and how to solve and face problems. Most of these articles are transformed from generations to generation, it is the way that indicate their durable.

There's no doubt that it's the artists that create great art works containing lasting values; however, to convey these values to the society, critics play a crucial role. What does the critic do? Most of them spends many time on research the artworks and other things relevant to the arts (the author’s living situation and his social background, social status, the culture of the author’s time). After deeply studying an art, the critic comments on it. The comment does not only include positive view but also critical view. Of course sometimes it may appear some irrational comments, but if the art has real value, there would be other critic continued to research it, there is one day that the correct views come and are accepted by most people. Because of the critic and his comment, we know more about the art and its value, moreover, we can learn more from it and improve our ability.

It is true that some artists is a art genius but a worse Missionaries, imaging that if without the critic, what does the society know about several artworks? Perhaps nothing we can get, since we do not know it’s existing. Obviously there is no value of an art which has no comments on it, since it has no chance to show its value. It is the critic that attracts our attention on the art. Without them, most of the arts would quietly stay on their position or are destroyed, moreover we do not know the soul hindered under the appearance. Taking the Van Gogh for example, if without the later critic, maybe his pictures still hidden in a corner of the world, also we cannot know the soul of his picture which is filled with hope. In addition, the critic helps us how to understand the value of art.

Value gained from the artist or the critic is worth perceiving and insightful. Whether it is lasting depends on the both.

结尾不知道怎么写好啊，请多指教啊 xin

[ 本帖最后由 xiny85 于 2008-11-18 13:09 编辑 ]

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cadget
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沙发

发表于 2008-11-18 16:09:16 |只看该作者

What is "give society the lasting value"? First, I focus on the word "give", it means not only creating a fresh thing for the society but also discovering or brought an existing thing to the society.（带来的定义） If the artist who creates the value works may（does） not show them to the society， we can (could) not say that he giving the society the value things. And a person(这里直接说critics,和文章题目相呼应) who excavates a valuable article for our society will be regarded to give the society worthy. Secondly, the word "society" attracts my attention. The articles which are accepted and realized by the society just can be lasting（这句话是想说只有被社会接受认可的艺术品才能永恒吗？）; otherwise they have no value to the society. Sometimes（我觉得用usually更好）, it is just the critic who takes the bridge between artists and the society（和上一句逻辑关系不清楚，换一种说法更好：是批评家把优秀的艺术品推向社会，使之被接受认可，因此批评家是连接艺术家和社会的桥梁）. In my view, when we discussing the problem of who really give the society the lasting value, we cannot neglect the critic's role as well as（你这里表达的意思是两个角色都容易被忽略？） the artist's（第一段交代带来的定义并说明批评家的角色，为文章的展开限定背景，值得学习。我有两个建议：一是再讨论下持久价值，二是我个人倾向于把这个背景的讨论放在第二段，第一段简洁明了阐述观点，第二段讨论问题背景）

Firstly, I affirm the status of the artists（艺术家，而不是艺术家的身份） who are the original of the lasting value, and a lot of their artworks are preserved till now because of their powerful value.（艺术家是名作的原创人） Artists use word, music or picture to show us how it is about their period or what it is the thought of them. Considering the beauty of some works which are lasting to recent, it will let us know that artists really give the society the value（逻辑关系模糊，不妨这么说：艺术家根据自己的感觉，用高超的艺术手段和独特的风格创作出伟大的作品）. It is the smile of Mona Lisa that not only tell me the lady’s beauty of Vinci’ time, but also surprise us on the artful skill. Moreover we benefit from the V’s painting skill and create many other wonderful paintings by learning of it; We quietly sitting in the library smell the aroma of book and immerse in the faraway ages. We can feel the love or emotion of the ancients because it is so strong to impress our mind. Julia and Romeo vividly created by Shakespeare are tearing in our mind. Meanwhile, the Beethoven’s symphonies wander beside our ears and we can feel our life is dancing; It is Van Gogh who painted the "sun flower" that show people the sense hope（前面素材的写法都存在同样的问题，不能有力证实主题句：是艺术家带给我们珍贵的作品，重点强调艺术家。而你前面的例子可以强调一个观点：艺术品带给我们很多宝贵的财富，重点在艺术品上。所以不妨用这一句的表达方式做一个排比，既强调主题，又有力证明主题）. All of these valuable works give us hope, power, love and beauty and so on, they used a unique way to tell me how to present our mind and how to solve and face problems（仅仅从你的例子来看，推不出这样的结论，你的例子没有说明他们的艺术手段如何独特，也没有说明如何表达观点，更没有说明如何解决问题）. Most of these articles are transformed from generations to generation, it is the way that indicate their durable（这一句语法有问题，我也没看出想表达的内容）.

There's no doubt that it's the artists that create great art works containing lasting values; however, to convey these values to the society, critics play a crucial role（批评家把艺术品推向社会）. What（从你后面那一句来看用How准确些） does the critic do? Most of them spends many time on research the artworks and other things relevant to the arts (the author’s living situation and his social background, social status, the culture of the author’s time（有深度）). After deeply studying an art, the critic comments on it. The comment does not only include positive view but also critical view（很有说服力，能产生共鸣）. Of course sometimes it may appear some irrational comments, but if the art has real value, there would be other critic continued to research it, there is one day that the correct views come and are accepted by most people（刚说批评家的正面影响，立刻写负面影响，不是要削弱自己的论证吗？后面又写批评家的正面影响，拐两次弯，感觉不太好，不妨把这一句放到最后，先说正面影响，再让步到负面影响。这一句有一点语法问题）. Because of the critic and his comment, we know more about the art and its value, moreover, we can learn more from it and improve our ability.（再来一点例证会好一些）

It is true that some artists is a art genius but a worse Missionaries, imaging that if without the critic, what does the society know about several artworks（批评家扮演传播者的角色）? Perhaps nothing we can get, since we do not know it’s existing. Obviously there is no value of an art which has no comments on it, since it has no chance to show its value（没有计划展示价值不代表没有价值，而是没有实现价值）. It is the critic that attracts our attention on the art. Without them, most of the arts would quietly stay on their position or are destroyed, moreover we do not know the soul hindered under the appearance（这里批评家扮演解说员的角色，和本段主题不符）. Taking the Van Gogh for example, if without the later critic, maybe his pictures still hidden in a corner of the world, also we cannot know the soul of his picture which is filled with hope. In addition, the critic helps us how to understand the value of art（这一句不妨放在句首，批评家扮演传播者和解说者双重身份）.
Value gained from the artist or the critic is worth perceiving and insightful. Whether it is lasting depends on the both.

1. 中心思想明确，主题句鲜明，论证充分
2. 我觉得写的挺有深度，在论证的时候稍微注意下逻辑关系，说明一个问题的时候不能随便下另一个结论
3. 结尾结合各段的论证，把你的中心思想用另外一个手法表达出来啊

[ 本帖最后由 cadget 于 2008-11-18 16:16 编辑 ]

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