[a习作temp] 【☆09GRE作文冲刺组】圣斗士2月23日作文Argument53 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-2-23 22:44:24 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：ARGUMENT53
(45mins..)无语了，又超时
In this argument, the author concludes that it is the melanin- a hormone known to affect some brain functions- that due to people's shyness and this shyness will continues in whole life. Afterward, the arguer points out a study of 25 infants who had show signs of distress to support his or her conclusion. However, after close scrutiny, I find this argument unconvincing as it stands.

To begin, this argument rests on an unreasonable causal relationship between the increased levels of melatonin and signs of mild stress in the infants. The merely fact that these infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn can prove nothing about the effect of melatonin. After all, the author provides no specific information to ensure that this kind of hormone has directly influence with people's shyness. In addition, we only know the melatonin affect some brain functions to some extent; however, we can not confirm the kind of brain functions just means the shyness. Also, there is no evidence showing that whether the melatonin indeed influence the infant. Perhaps, maybe the melatonin actually will only affect the mother instead of the infant.

Similarly, the causal relationship between signs of mild stress and shyness is also unfounded. In common sense, most adults probably show the sings of mild distress when they smell some unusual odor or unknown voice, not to mention the infants. Therefore, whether this experiment is reasonable and scientific still needs to be further judged.

Another problem with this argument is the study itself. First, the sample volume of 25 infants is not large enough that cannot represent all the infants in the world. Secondly, the arguer does offer us any specific information about the whole process of these infants' growth. So that, we cannot ignore other potential factors which will influence the result of study. For example, the person's educational situation, living environment, family condition and so on all may result in the shyness of individuals. Thirdly, the result of study comes from those teenagers' identities of themselves. However, we do not know whether their answers are accurate and exactly. Either of these séances will weaken this argument.

Finally, even though the study is reliable, it is too superficial to confirm that this shyness will continue into these children’s later lives. We know that everything is changeable. When they grow up, they will touch with more people in society and get further education. Both of their physical and mental health will be improved in the later lives, which may exceed our imagination. Thus simply making the conclusion about these teenagers’ future is unwise.

To sum up, the argument has several fallacies which make it unreasonable any more. To strengthen it, the author must prove that the study of 25 infants is reliable and effective. Also, the arguer provides more information about the melatonin to make sure its function on people’s brain. In order to better evaluate this argument, I also need to get more information about these children’s growing condition and environment.

You can call me a dreamer, but I am not alnoe

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沙发

发表于 2009-2-26 20:50:48 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author concludes that it is the melanin- a hormone known to affect some brain functions- that due to people's shyness and this shyness will continues in whole life. Afterward, the arguer points out a study of 25 infants who had show signs of distress to support his or her conclusion. However, after close scrutiny, I find this argument unconvincing as it stands.

To begin, this argument rests on an unreasonable causal relationship between the increased levels of melatonin and signs of mild stress in the infants. The merely fact that these infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn can prove nothing about the effect of melatonin. After all, the author provides no specific information to ensure that this kind of hormone has directly influence with people's shyness. In addition, we only know the melatonin affect some brain functions to some extent; however, we can not confirm the kind of brain functions just means the shyness. Also, there is no evidence showing that whether the melatonin indeed influence the infant. Perhaps, maybe the melatonin actually will only affect the mother instead of the infant. （一段内指出了很多逻辑错误，语言也都很好，如果可以将主要错误进行更深入一点的论证就更好了）

Similarly, the causal relationship between signs of mild stress and shyness is also unfounded. In common sense, most adults probably show the sings of mild distress when they smell some unusual odor or unknown voice, not to mention the infants. Therefore, whether this experiment is reasonable and scientific still needs to be further judged.

Another problem with this argument is the study itself. First, the sample volume of 25 infants is not large enough that cannot represent all the infants in the world. Secondly, the arguer does (not)offer us any specific information about the whole process of these infants' growth. So that, we cannot ignore other potential factors which will influence the result of study. For example, the person's educational situation, living environment, family condition and so on all may result in the shyness of individuals. Thirdly, the result of study comes from those teenagers' identities of themselves. However, we do not know whether their answers are accurate and exactly. Either of these séances will weaken this argument.

Finally, even though(even if) the study is reliable, it is too superficial to confirm that this shyness will continue into these children’s later lives. We know that everything is changeable. When they grow up, they will touch with more people in society and get further education. Both of their physical and mental health will be improved in the later lives, which may exceed our imagination. Thus simply making the conclusion about these teenagers’ future is unwise.

To sum up, the argument has several fallacies which make it unreasonable any more. To strengthen it, the author must prove that the study of 25 infants is reliable and effective. Also, the arguer provides more information about the melatonin to make sure its function on people’s brain. In order to better evaluate this argument, I also need to get more information about these children’s growing condition and environment.

前两天在火车上，返校，呵呵今天才来，不好意思
论证的内容都很好，基本按主次顺序来驳论，各个点反驳得比较平均，个人建议可以将一些很主要的逻辑错误分析得更深刻一点的话可能会更好。

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