[a习作temp] argument61求狠拍 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-6-7 22:07:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

7/2考aw，今天第一次用awp173练，刚贴一个issue，再贴一个argument。求高人狠拍，主要请看看思路，结构，篇幅上有什么问题。多谢了！！！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT61 - The following appeared in a report by the School District of Eyleria.
"Nationally, the average ratio of computers to students in kindergarten through grade 12 (K-12) is 1:5. Educators indicate that this is very good ratio. This means that across the country, all students have access to and can use computers daily in their classrooms. In Eyleria's K-12 schools, the ratio of computers to students is 1:7. This number is sufficient to ensure that all of Eyleria's students, by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology. Thus, there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years."

WORDS: 355       TIME: 00:30:00       DATE: 2009-6-7 下午 09:39:05

The argument claims that there is no need to spend more money on computers or other technology for Eyleria's K-12. The reasons are as follows: 1. Educators  indicate the national ratio of computers to students is good. 2. The current ratio of computers to students of Eyleria's K-12 is sufficient to ensure the students a good command of computers. Although this is seemingly plausible, it has some inherent problems.

First, the average ratio of computers to students in K-12 at national leval is not an indicator of the ratio in Eyleria's K-12. Even educators claim that the national ratio is very good, it can not applied into every part of the country. Actually we can see in the material the ratio in Eyler's K-12 is lower than the national average ratio.

Secondly, the argument does not give a sufficient reason to the reader that the current ratio of computers to students of Eyleria's K-12 guarantees a good use of computers among the students. We do not know how the computer courses are set in Eyleria's K-12, including the course periods, the education quality on computers. With these information not given, it cannot be concluded that this ratio is sufficient.

Finally, even the current ratio in Eyleria's K-12 is really sufficient to ensure the students' good command of computers, it does not necessarily follows that the schoold will not spend any budget on computers or other technology in the next few years. Many parts of computers, such as the hard disk, the memory, and the internet connection and so forth, are something that need constant repairing and updating. There are bound to be money spent on that. Besides that, in today's world there are other technologies, like nanotechnology,  that may be important for the students to learn. And Eyleria's K-12 must take that into consideration.

To sum up, the argument is not sufficient to lead to the conclusion that Eleria's K-12 schools will not spend more money computers or other technology in the next few years.  With more detailed information about Eyleria' K-12 schools' teaching and learning on computers given, the argument can be more complete.