[a习作temp] argument137 [into the fire] by zyp8756 [复制链接]

zyp8756
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-6-7 19:42:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In the argument, the editorial says that the Mason City residents who are surveyed like recreational activity do not like to play in Mason river since the river is not clean. And the author asserts that the M city council needs to increase the budget to improve the publicly owned lands of MR. At first glance, the argument seems reasonable. However, after a careful test, there are a host of flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author provides no evidence that the survey is statistically reliable. In order to establish the correction between the river pollution and residents' entertainment, the survey's samples must be sufficient in size and representative of overall population of water sports. Lacking sufficiently reprehensive samples, whatsoever the author can not justifiablely rely on the study to draw any conclusion.

Even if there is no doubt about the survey, it still can not conclude that the city council need to improve the publically owned lands. The editorial says the river pollution results in that the civilians do not do water sports as often as before. It is entirely possible that other vogue entertainments attract them as TV and other forms of sports or it is also possible that the river is far from the city that one lead to retard the residents. Thus, lacking evidence concludes that it is necessary increase the improvement budget.

And even if the pollution of the river equally retard the passion of civilians, there is lacking evidence to support the necessary condition of increase the budget of publicly owned lands. Perhaps the land is perfect and do not need to improve any more, or perhaps there are many places waiting for imbursement in the poor city. It is no sufficient evidence to support the budget,

To sum up, the author's argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the author should supply the related information concerning the survey and the evidence why residents do not play in the river. To assess the argument better, i also need to acquire the publically owned land condition and the life standard of the city.

choose,do and never give up.

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snail8843
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-15 14:48:13 |只看该作者

1# zyp8756

Snail8843改zyp8756 Argument137
In the argument, the editorial says that the Mason City residents who are surveyed like recreational activity(定语从句语法错误) do not like to play in Mason river since the river is not clean. And the author asserts that the M city council needs to increase the budget to improve the publicly owned lands of MR. At first glance, the argument seems reasonable. However, after a careful test(thought吧), there are a host（不是大量的）of flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author provides no evidence that the survey is statistically reliable. In order to establish the correction(causal relationship) between the river pollution and residents' entertainment, the survey's samples must be sufficient in size and representative of overall population of water sports. Lacking sufficiently reprehensive samples, whatsoever the author can not justifiablely（拼写错误） rely on the study to draw any conclusion.(这个句子很奇怪)

Even if there is no doubt about the survey, it(the author) still can not conclude that the city council need to improve the publically owned lands. The editorial says the river pollution results in（result in 可以加从句么?） that the civilians do not do water sports as often as before. It is entirely possible that other vogue entertainments attract them as TV and other forms of sports or it is also possible that the river is far from the city that one lead to retard the residents.（这几个可能性分开写）
Thus, lacking evidence concludes that it is necessary（to） increase the improvement budget.
And（and 删掉） even if the pollution of the river equally retard the passion of civilians, there is lacking evidence to support the necessary condition of increase the budget of publicly owned lands.（句子别扭…） Perhaps the land is perfect and do not need to improve any more, or perhaps there are many places waiting for imbursement in the poor city. It is no sufficient evidence to support the budget,(论证的没有说服力，特别是第二个可能性)

To sum up, the author's argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the author should supply the related information concerning the survey and the evidence why residents do not play in the river. To assess the argument better, i（I） also need to acquire the publically owned land condition and the life standard of the city.

总结：总计感觉，逻辑错误挑的比较明确，形成了让步攻击的攻击体系，但觉得论证过程不是很充分，从字数看也有所体现，350字的论证有些少。还有一个问题就是个别句子看着有些奇怪，不地道。

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zyp8756
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-16 16:04:04 |只看该作者

Snail8843改zyp8756 Argument137
In the argument, the editorial says that the Mason City residents who are surveyed like recreational activity(定语从句语法错误)[how to change, give me a hand] do not like to play in Mason river since the river is not clean. And the author asserts that the M city council needs to increase the budget to improve the publicly owned lands of MR. At first glance, the argument seems reasonable. However, after a careful test(thought吧), there are a host（不是大量的）[yes]of flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author provides no evidence that the survey is statistically reliable. In order to establish the correction(causal relationship) between the river pollution and residents' entertainment, the survey's samples must be sufficient in size and representative of overall population of water sports. Lacking sufficiently reprehensive samples, whatsoever the author can not justifiablely（拼写错误）[这词的副词没找到。。。] rely on the study to draw any conclusion.(这个句子很奇怪)

Even if there is no doubt about the survey, it(the author) still can not conclude that the city council need to improve the publically owned lands. The editorial says the river pollution results in（result in 可以加从句么?）【网上查了很多句子，鲜有接句子的，慎用】 that the civilians do not do water sports as often as before. It is entirely possible that other vogue entertainments attract them as TV and other forms of sports or it is also possible that the river is far from the city that one lead to retard the residents.（这几个可能性分开写）
Thus, lacking evidence concludes that it is necessary（to） increase the improvement budget.
And（and 删掉） even if the pollution of the river equally retard the passion of civilians, there is lacking evidence to support the necessary condition of increase the budget of publicly owned lands.（句子别扭…）【要是可以提下怎么别扭就更好了】 Perhaps the land is perfect and do not need to improve any more, or perhaps there are many places waiting for imbursement in the poor city. It is no sufficient evidence to support the budget,(论证的没有说服力，特别是第二个可能性)

To sum up, the author's argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it, the author should supply the related information concerning the survey and the evidence why residents do not play in the river. To assess the argument better, i（I） also need to acquire the publically owned land condition and the life standard of the city.

2# snail8843

choose,do and never give up.

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