[a习作temp] Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习by mymuro [复制链接]

mymuro
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发表于 2009-7-14 23:02:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 mymuro 于 2009-7-14 23:05 编辑

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 475 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-7-14 22:14:13

In this argument, the arguer concludes that electronic monitoring software should be installed to detect employees' Internet use so as to set up a well work ethic and increase their profits. In his measure, those who use the Internet should be punished because they might use it on entertainment. Examine the arguer's point of view, we will find several flaws lacking of credibility.

In the first place, using Internet in workstation does not mean wasting time on recreational activities. In contemporary society, Internet is now widely used all over the world. Therefore, it is completely possible that employees use Internet as a reliable way to find useful information or contact their clients. Only those who use Internet for personal entertainment can be identified as wasting time. However, the arguer cannot provide the evidence that employees can finish their jobs without the help of Internet and the number of employees who use Internet for personal things. Thus, we have not sufficient evidence to prove that using Internet in workstation is just wasting time and does nothing helpful for company.

Secondly, we cannot assure that wasting time will not exist after installing monitoring software to detect Internet use.In spite of using Internet, there are many other ways for people to waste time in working place, for instance, phone calling, reading newspaper or even sleeping. Perhaps this kind of measure to detect Internet use can prevent a part of time-wasting activities, however, others time-wasting activities may become more popular in the company. Thus, if we want to decline the number of people who waste time in workstation, hiring someone to supervise other employees' working may be a more practical measure instead of just preventing Internet use.

Last but not least, even if installing software can reduce the number of work hours wasted, we cannot simply draw a conclusion that work ethic will be improved and overall profits will increase. This kind of software may transmit a message to employees that their boss does not trust them. Moreover, they may feel themselves working in a place without freedom and privacy. Carrying such dangerous emotion, we cannot expect a better work ethic will be foster. Besides, there is no evidence to prove that overall profits will increase by installing software to detect Internet use. Profit is the excess of selling price of goods over the cost. It is influenced by many factors such as the cost of material and salary. Just to install a set of software will not have obvious effects on profits.

In the final analysis, as the reasons mentioned above, the arguer simply draw a conclusion that work ethic and profits can be improved through installing a software without considering feasibility of this measure. In order to have a wonderful result, sufficient researches is needed and in the meanwhile, many other factors should be carefully considered.

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newletter2002
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-15 22:32:18 |只看该作者

In this argument, the arguer concludes that electronic monitoring software should be installed to detect employees' Internet use so as to set up a well work ethic and increase their profits. In his measure, those who use the Internet should be punished because they might use it on entertainment. Examine the arguer's point of view, we will find several flaws lacking of credibility.(独立主格结构，examine->examining)

In the first place, using Internet in workstation does not mean wasting time on recreational activities. In contemporary society, Internet is now widely used all over the world. Therefore, it is completely possible that employees use Internet as a reliable way to find useful information or contact their clients. Only those who use Internet for personal entertainment can be identified as wasting time. However, the arguer cannot provide the evidence that employees can finish their jobs without the help of Internet and the number of employees who use Internet for personal things. Thus, we have not sufficient evidence to prove that using Internet in workstation is just wasting time and does nothing helpful for company.

Secondly, we cannot assure that wasting time will not exist after installing monitoring software to detect Internet use.In spite of using Internet, there are many other ways for people to waste time in working place, for instance, phone calling, reading newspaper or even sleeping. Perhaps this kind of measure to detect Internet use can prevent a part of time-wasting activities, however, others time-wasting activities may become more popular in the company. Thus, if we want to decline the number of people who waste time in workstation, hiring someone to supervise other employees' working may be a more practical measure instead of just preventing Internet use.（这个提议不错，我怎么没有想到过）

Last but not least, even if installing software can reduce the number of work hours wasted, we cannot simply draw a conclusion that work ethic will be improved and overall profits will increase. （感觉应该被动）This kind of software may transmit a message to employees that their boss does not trust them. Moreover, they may feel themselves working in a place without freedom and privacy. Carrying such dangerous emotion, we cannot expect a better work ethic will be foster. Besides, there is no evidence to prove that overall profits will increase by installing software to detect Internet use. Profit is the excess of selling price of goods over the cost. It is influenced by many factors such as the cost of material and salary. Just to install a set of software will not have obvious effects on profits.

In the final analysis, as the reasons mentioned above, the arguer simply draw a conclusion that work ethic and profits can be improved through installing a software without considering feasibility of this measure. In order to have a wonderful result, sufficient researches is needed and in the meanwhile, many other factors should be carefully considered.
个人认为这篇A的结构很紧凑，逻辑性很强，一些比较关键的点作者都有攻击。
其中有一些语法错误，可能下次要小心吧如果你也认同的话

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