[i习作temp] 【辉太郎杀G大队】7/18 作业by Aliciasun [复制链接]

AliciaSun
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-7-18 00:31:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 517
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 7/18/2009 00:04:46

The 20th century has witnessed the blooming advancement of science and technology, especially in its last several decades. Video camera, as popular as all the other at hand digital products at the contemporary time, has gradually become acquainted in every corner of this world and undoubtedly play a more and more important role to record our vital and passion life. However, the popularity of video camera doesn't account to the diminishing values of written records, and the research on which one is more important is of no need.

Firstly, video camera accurately records the treasured moments in our life with the capability to re-play the things previously happened. Being able to capture the still images sequently, camera has the outstanding advantage to reflect the dynamic events. What the current parents usually do is utilizing the video camera to record how their kid is given birth, how it smiles, how it touches the mom's hand. In addition, the video camera has the unique virtue to collect the information from acoustic side. Without camera, the Olympic music "You and me" can never be able to be enjoyed by the people all over this world. Just because of these multifaceted documenting characters, video camera as a result of technological intelligence is on its way to make our life more beautiful.

Secondly, the written records, with the strong history background, cannot be ignored for its tremendous significance in many areas. As the manifestation of business processes, paper-format documents play control roles in the internal management of a business process. Contracts, orders, and bills, are signed and preserved as evidences and illustrates certainly with papers. Similar, in the government and law realm, the unchanging aspect of document is quite crucial to the consistent communication of policy and administration of law to citizens. Meanwhile, at the religion area, paper-documents constitute canonical content. Taking the example of the Bible for consideration, can we imagine how the life of Christians will look like if the paper format documentation is lost for this book? Thus, written records, at least in a very long-term future, cannot be replaced by any of the other documenting measures.

Now let's turn to another point of the assertion, which one is more important between the video camera and the written records? Just as the questions, "who is more important in a family, husband or wife?"" Who is more important in the stability of a society, law or moral? ""Which is more important in the activities inside a group, cooperation or competition? “, from the perspective of dialectique, there are no certain answers in regard to such kind of questions. Which one is more important thoroughly depends on whom to judge them and in which surroundings the judgment would happen. Will travelers think that paper notebooks will be more of importance compared to video cameras when he is on the top of a mountain? Will a political officer will think the cameras will be more important when he is going to sign a international agreement with the country's partner nation? This is a time which is tolerant for together existing, and on the other hand essentially rest on these varieties.

To sum up, both video cameras and written records are of great merits in the contemporary life, with their respective virtues and values. The two medias can build upon each other to constitute useful measures for us to use, without stepping on each other's toes.

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hdsf2003
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-18 11:48:56 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 hdsf2003 于 2009-7-18 11:54 编辑

The 20th century has (现在21世纪了，还用has?) witnessed the blooming advancement of science and technology, especially in its last several decades. Video camera, as popular as all the (the去掉) other at hand （portable） digital products at the contemporary time, has gradually become acquainted in every corner of this world and undoubtedly play (is playing or plays) a more and more important role to record our vital and passion (换成形容词passional) life. However, the popularity of video camera doesn't account to the diminishing values of written records, and the research on which one is more important is of no need. (这里还是要突出其中一点，或者强调两者都重要，这样写让读者很无奈，你说下面的内容，阅卷人还会认真看吗？no need 不要出现在开头，如你帖子说的一样，这样开头比较容易丢分，你不是想这样的，对吗，要知道你一直是我的偶像哦。。。。)
Firstly, video camera accurately records the treasured （precious or wonderful or significant） moments in our life with the capability to re-play (replay) the things previously happened. Besides being able to capture the still (stationary更好) images sequently(删除), camera has the outstanding advantage to reflect the dynamic events. （这样显示camera的功能更为强大） What the current parents usually do is utilizing （employing） the video camera to record how their kid is given birth, how it (哈哈,有嫌疑把孩子当小动物了) smiles, how it touches the mom's hand. In addition, the video camera has the unique virtue to collect the information from acoustic side（可以简洁点， save the voice together with the images）. Without modern camera, the Olympic music "You and me" can never be able to(删除,与can 重复) be enjoyed by the people all over this world. (声音是另一种信息通道，与视频并重，没有视频，一样有音乐, 加上modern 可以稍微降低这样的一个常识错误)
Just because of these multifaceted documenting characters,（你最擅长用这个词，我老是借用不上，呵呵） video camera，as a result of technological intelligence，（逗号隔开更显句子层次）is on its way to make our life more beautiful.
Secondly, the written records, with the strong history background, cannot be ignored for its tremendous significance in many areas. As the manifestation of business processes, paper-format documents play control （dominant） roles in the internal management of a business process. Contracts, orders, and bills, are signed and preserved as evidences
and illustrates certainly with papers. (比我表达的好，学习了) Similarly, in the government and law realms, (realm, areas ,fields都不错，我就是不会换着用，你怎么就能呢) the unchanging aspect of document is quite crucial to the consistent communication of policy and administration of law to citizens. Meanwhile, at（in） the religion area, paper-documents constitute canonical （standard, 你这个词我还真不认识，莫笑话我，你知道我害羞。。。） content. Taking the example of
（删除） the Bible for consideration, can we imagine how the life of Christians will look like if the paper format documentation is lost for this book(删除)? Thus, written records, at least in a very long-term future, cannot be replaced by any of the other documenting measures. （结论很有力道）
Now let's turn to another point of the assertion, which one （删除） is more important between the video camera and the written records? Just as the questions, "who is more important in a family, husband or wife?"" Who is more important in the stability of a society, law or moral? ""Which is more important in the activities inside a group, cooperation or competition? “, from the perspective of dialectique, there are no certain answers in regard to such kind of questions. Which one is more important thoroughly depends on whom to judge them and in which surroundings the judgment would happen. Will travelers think that paper notebooks will be more of importance compared to video cameras when he is on the top of a mountain? Will a political officer will think the cameras will be more important when he is going to sign a international agreement with the country's partner nation? This is a time which is tolerant for together existing, and on the other hand essentially rest on these varieties. 排比句用非常好，很有说服力。。。不过这里与开头对应，建议还是不这么写。。。不然，题目变成无病呻吟了，否定了所有的issue
To sum up, both video cameras and written records are of great merits in the contemporary life, （这点观点很好）with their respective virtues and values （删除一个，重复）. The two medias can build upon each other to constitute useful measures for us to use, without stepping on each other's toes. （自己写的，还是。。?
有意思。。）

看你这次计时了，所以感觉和不计时的有区别，不过你的语言还是非常值得我学习，还有就是思路宽阔．．．好多我就想不到．．．对了，你的argument呢．．哈哈　

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AliciaSun
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板凳

发表于 2009-7-18 22:49:18 |只看该作者

2# hdsf2003

点评的都很到位。。。我的a没写，，丢人。。。然后今天还继续请假了。。。这几天进入低潮期，觉得自己很犯懒。看你每天都能很早交作业，真是羡慕年轻人精力旺盛。。

最后一句话公司里面一个老美的manager有一次写的。。我偷来用用。不要说我是偶像，，我无地自容了快。

你的单词背的如何了？我现在每天压力好大啊，以至于状态很不好。不过今天跟以前的同学聊天，说起之前的一些同学申请都顺利拿到offer了，所以还是振奋一下。相信只要努力就会有结果！加油。

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