[i习作temp] 【辉太郎杀G大队】7/22业 Issue56 by MC dragonfly [复制链接]

lmcdragonfly
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-7-23 00:35:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."

With the advancement of human civilization, more and more problems which influence social stability and sustainable development appear to obsess governments all round the world. It is a controversial issue to decide which should be focused more, immediate problems or anticipated problems. As for me, the chief principle of the government to make decision is to focus more on the more important one, not the immediate ones or anticipated ones.

Basically, how shall we define the importance of the problem? Sometimes it seems to be a question that people's idea varies from one to another because of different standpoints and sense of value. However, it is generally accepted that a problem that, if not solved, will endanger the social stability, general welfares and perspectives of human beings.

Many immediate problems are very urgent so important. If they are not solved in time, even a disastrous result will be caused. The earthquake happened in Sichuan, China last year is an extreme but vivid example of this. If the Chinese government wouldn't have concentrated on the resume work of this disaster, far more people would have lost their lives and the living victims of earthquake would also cause serious problems which influence the social stability. Similarly, the high unemployment rate and crime rate will certainly be serious social problems which affect the public interest. The government should focus on these immediate problems as a matter of course.

However, there is also current problems which are stubborn in society are not so important if they are under control. Take the unemployment, poverty and crime for example again. Common sense tell us that it is normal of a society have certain rate of unemployment, crime and poverty. They are social phenomenon as well as problems. If they are under control, they will not harm the entire society seriously and they are not as important as other problems in this sense. Although the government should concentrate on control these problems in a proper extent, it is unnecessary and also impossible for the government to focus too much on solving the problems thoroughly.

What's more, some anticipated problems are also important, for they are associated with the future of human beings. For instance, the government allocates funds to develop the new origin of energy to solve the anticipated lack of resource. The anticipated global warming is also a disaster of our descents and many countries are on their cooperation to fight against it.
The efforts towards the conservation of biodiversity are also the reflections to the anticipated extinctions of various species on earth. In contrast, some so-called anticipated problems deserve the further research to prove and it is necessary to allocate the limited funds wisely.

To sum up, it is too hasty for the speaker to claim which problems should be focused on more problems. The priority of problems to solve are not decided by it is immediate or anticipated, but by the principle of what is important. In the light of this, the government will allocate their concentrations on the different social problems more wisely.（505）

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hdsf2003
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-23 10:51:01 |只看该作者

With the advancement of human civilization, more and more problems which influence social stability and sustainable development appear to obsess governments all round the world.（建议分成两句话） It is a controversial issue to decide which should be focused more, immediate problems or anticipated problems. As for me, the chief principle of (for) the government to make decision is to focus more on the more important one, not the immediate ones or anticipated ones.

Basically, how shall we define the importance of the problem (problems)? Sometimes it seems to be a question that people's idea varies from one to another because of different standpoints and sense (senses) of value. However, it is generally accepted that a problem that, if not solved, will endanger the social stability, general welfares and perspectives of human beings.

Many immediate problems are very urgent so (and) important. If they are not solved in time, even a disastrous result will be caused. The earthquake happened in Sichuan, China last year is an extreme but vivid example of this. If the Chinese government wouldn't have concentrated on the resume work of this disaster, far more people would have lost their lives and the living victims of earthquake would also cause serious problems which influence the social stability. Similarly, the high unemployment rate and crime rate will certainly be serious social problems which affect the public interest. The government should focus on these immediate problems as a matter of course.

However, there is (are) also current problems which are stubborn in society are (but) not so important if they are under control. Take the unemployment, poverty and crime for example again(删除，前面没有提到，所以不必要有again). Common sense tell us that it is normal of a society have certain rate of unemployment, crime and poverty. They are social phenomenon
(phenomena) as well as problems. If they are all under control, they will not harm the entire society seriously and they are not as important as other problems in this sense. Although the government should concentrate on control (controlling) these problems in (to) a proper extent, it is unnecessary and also (删除，绕口) impossible for the government to focus too much on solving the problems thoroughly.

What's more, some anticipated problems are also important, for they are associated with the future of human beings. For instance, the government allocates funds to develop the new origin （types）
of energy to solve the anticipated lack of fuel resources. The anticipated global warming is also a disaster of our descents and many countries are on their cooperation (are cooperated) to fight against it. The efforts towards the conservation of biodiversity are also the reflections （s去掉）
to the anticipated extinctions (s去掉) of various species on earth. In contrast, some so-called anticipated problems deserve the further research to prove （删除） and it is necessary to allocate the limited funds wisely. （意思没有表达清晰）

To sum up, it is too hasty for the speaker to claim which problems should be focused on more problems. The priority of problems to solve （be solved）
are (is) not decided by it is immediate or anticipated, but by the principle of what is important. In the light of this, the government will (should) allocate their concentrations on the different (some urgent and critical) social problems more wisely (删除，不然很含糊，要肯定自己的观点，就是注重重要的社会问题).（505）

评语：
观点很好，文章结构还不错

我想提几点建议：
1。在正文段或开头提出重要性的定义或者范畴，这样就避免在文章中多次重复什么问题是重要的
2。段内的内容组合还要进一步加强，这一点我做的也不好，导致了文章中心过于分散
3。语法错误，稍微有点多，注意句子的完整性和可读性，不要过于迂回或者强调，因为你的后文并没有强调的语句支撑.

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