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KiKi~淇水滺滺
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-8-19 21:59:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 KiKi~淇水滺滺于 2009-8-24 21:33 编辑

I still remember one sentence in the first text in my high school English book very clearly: “We need friends to share happiness and sorrow, and that it is important to have someone to care about”. Just as this sentence shows, we cannot live alone in the society, especially in a world people need cooperate and work together to survive. Unless being home educated, children have already stepped into the society in the school whether they like it or not. Children’s socialization is very important to create a better society and we need to find a way to make children better socialized.

However, I think most people do not know what socialization and a better society really is. Without considering well about these two, we cannot know how to raise the future of our society.

Socialization, defined as process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for a given environment, seems to me is a method of acclimating to the surroundings. The advantage of it is making the society’s members work as effective parts of it. In a modern society with high speed of life, people need to specialize in different fields in order to adapt it and get a better life. The developments happened in the human society during the past 100 years made this specialization into every corner of our daily life: industry, service, agriculture and academic fields provide the people living in a society what they need, and supported by each other's products.

While on the other hand, not as clear as socialization, how to define a better society is really a problem. Society means a community, nation, or broad grouping of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests in dictionary, but, what is “better”? Equality between men and women, voting, free press or freedom of associations? Different time have different answers, different people have different answers. For ancient men, walking on foot means better; for some people before industry revolution, having something to eat everyday can be better; for most people nowadays, living a comfortable life is better. In my opinion, democracy may be the best description of better society in my own dictionaries. In a democracy world, everyone has a high standard at both moral and knowledge, everyone are happy living together.

Then, how can we strive for a better society through raising our children? Education is of course an effective way. When people are young, their parents teach them how to spell words, write and communicate; this is the first step to be a socialized people. After that, children enter schools. In there, children are living with other contemporaries for years, learning how to communicate with each other, gaining senses of cooperation, competition and understanding. After that, they graduate and face the real society, which requires them using the socialization skills learned from their former years.

Although being criticized very hard, education is improving. Education is not perfect in any countries. In China, many children are taught to just go for marks in the tests. In Japan, a group of people are called OTAKUs, who are trapped by their childhood interests, including animation, video game, internet, and the sense of security at home. Those people are a reverse example of those who are not taught being well socialized. As a result, certain social problems have long been reported among these OTAKUs, such as suicide, crime, psychic diseases and so forth. Still, we have to admit that education is improving. More and more children have higher education levels and educators are studying hard on how to get children better educated.

To sum up, socialization is a determining issue for children who are changing our world in future. Despite of certain problems caused by current society, children are having better education to be more socialized. As long as we keep an open mind to the necessity of socialization, and as long as we try our best to look for a better way to raise children, I’m sure our offspring will come toward bringing about a better society one day in the future.

想要而未得到的，是因为你值得拥有更好的。

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SasakiKojiro
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-20 21:07:47 |只看该作者

1# KiKi~淇水滺滺

I still remember one sentence in the first text in my high school English book very clearly: (是逗号不是冒号)“We need friends to share happiness and sorrow, and that it is important to have someone to care about”. (我想这里与其说是英语书上的原文不如说是某教授或者是某不知名作者的名句：A remarkable writer/author once said,’…’ 北美范文有篇如此说：my professor once said,’…’看上去就比较有深度权威 )Just as this sentence shows(此句改成His/her words subtly illustrate that…怎么样？), we cannot live alone in the society, （cannot感觉太极端了说我们很难独自生活可能比较符合北美的习惯）especially in a world people need cooperate and work together to survive（幸存？不是吧？）. Unless being home educated, children have already stepped into the society in the school whether they like it or not. Children’s socialization is very important（very important可以换个词：Children’s socialization is exceedingly pivotal…/It is significantly indispensable for us to…） to create a better society and we need to find a way to make children better socialized. （个人感觉这里可用递进关系：sth. not only... but …）

However(这个however在这我感觉毛毛的在句首无非是转折和递进2者其一本段你没有反对作者的观点如果是递进你进入的又是个新的概念可能换成递进关系的词更好), I think most people do not know what socialization and a better society really is. Without considering well about these two, we cannot know how to raise the future of our society.

Socialization, defined as process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for a given environment, seems to me is a method of acclimating to the surroundings. The advantage of it is making the society’s members work as effective parts of it. In a modern society with high speed of life, people need to specialize in different fields in order to adapt it and get a better life. The developments happened in the human society during the past 100 years made this specialization into every corner of our daily life: industry, service, agriculture and academic fields provide the people living in a society what they need, and supported by each other's products.

While on the other hand, not as clear as socialization, how to define a better society is really a problem. Society means a community, nation, or broad grouping of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests in dictionary, but, what is “better”? Equality between men and women, voting, free press or freedom of associations? Different time have different answers, different people have different answers. For ancient men, walking on foot means better; for some people before industry revolution, having something to eat everyday can be better; for most people nowadays, living a comfortable life is better. In my opinion, democracy may be the best description of better society in my own dictionaries. In a democracy world, everyone has a high standard at both moral and knowledge, everyone are happy living together.

Then, how can we strive for a better society through raising our children? Education is of course an effective way. When people are young, their parents teach them how to spell words, write and communicate; this is the first step to be a socialized people. After that, children enter schools. In there, children are living with other contemporaries for years, learning how to communicate with each other, gaining senses of cooperation, competition and understanding. After that, they graduate and face the real society, which requires them using the socialization skills learned from their former years.

Although being criticized very hard, education is improving. Education is not perfect in any countries. In China, many children are taught to just go for marks in the tests. In Japan, a group of people are called OTAKUs, who are trapped by their childhood interests, including animation, video game, internet, and the sense of security at home. Those people are a reverse example of those who are not taught being well socialized. As a result, certain social problems have long been reported among these OTAKUs, such as suicide, crime, psychic diseases and so forth. Still, we have to admit that education is improving. More and more children have higher education levels and educators are studying hard on how to get children better educated.

To sum up, socialization is a determining issue for children who are changing our world in future. Despite of certain problems caused by current society, children are having better education to be more socialized. As long as we keep an open mind to the necessity of socialization, and as long as we try our best to look for a better way to raise children, I’m sure our offspring（此词太口语化不建议使用） will come toward bringing about a better society one day in the future.(as long as 是不是感觉太绝对化了？)
开始看了第一段感觉非常不错表达的也很清晰只是用词不够深刻缺乏句式的多样性有很多句子可以合并在一起形成一个长的带有that的宾语从句也可以选择倒装句式表强调个人认为不应该出现I think , I’m sure In my opinion 的说法实在是很寒酸最后想说下段落问题我们老师说所有GRE文章都应遵循尾重原则阅读更是如此感觉首段引用的名人名言放到末端形成呼应总结删除2段 3段放在首段位置作为背景引入式的开头如果KIKI说北美范文有很多这种开头那就当我什么都没说好了呵呵
当然以上只是我的个人愚见要说到内容实在是实力有限比我写的好了太多无从改起就只能在句式上试着改改了- -#

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SasakiKojiro
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板凳

发表于 2009-8-20 21:09:34 |只看该作者

...我都用的红色怎么出来了绿色？还红中带黑的。。。太科幻了。。。

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lghscu
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地板

发表于 2009-8-20 22:21:53 |只看该作者

1 孩子的社会化是否决定了社会的命运？
  孩子的社会化并不是决定社会命运的唯一因素，并且也不是最主要的因素。诚实、正直、坚韧和友善等等才是比较重要的。
2 我们是否有有效手段教育孩子？
  有！
I still remember one sentence in the first text in my high school English book(高中英语书，有点Chinese English的味道，"in the first text of an English book in my high school") very clearly-(and I paraphrase)-: “We need friends to share happiness and sorrow, and that(that可以删除) it is important to have someone to care about”. Just as this sentence shows, we cannot live alone in the society, especially in a world-(where,"especially in a world"是对"in the society"的递进，因此这里需要加"where")- people need cooperate and work together to survive(to survive可以不要，删除). Unless being home educated(educated at home), children have already stepped into the(变成a) society in the school (增加"no matter")whether they like it or not. Children’s socialization is very important to create a better society and we need to find a way to make children better socialized.
However, I think most people do not know(in our society, it is not clearly known that,改成被动句比较好，客观性显得更强) what socialization and a better society really is. Without considering well about(不要"about") these two(增加"facets"), we cannot know how to raise the future of our society.
Socialization, defined as process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for(in) a given environment, (which)seems to me is a method of acclimating to the surroundings. The advantage of it is making the society’s members work as effective parts of it. (specialization 与 Socialization有什么关系吗？,specialization，导致cooperation，从而socialization)In a modern society with high speed of life, people need to specialize in different fields in order to adapt it and get a better life. The developments (,which)happened in the human society during the past 100 years made this specialization into every corner of our daily life: industry, service, agriculture and academic fields provide(,providing) the(the 不要) people living in a society what they need, and (making people being)supported by each other's products.
While on the other hand, not as clear as socialization, how to define a better society is really a problem. Society means a community, nation, or broad grouping of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests in dictionary, but, what is “better”? Equality between men and women, voting, free press or freedom of associations? Different time have different answers, different people have different answers. For ancient men, walking on foot means better; for some people before industry revolution(before the Industrial Revolution，首字母大写), having something to eat everyday can be better; for most people nowadays, living a comfortable life is better. In my opinion, democracy may be the best description of better society in my own dictionaries("In my opinion"与"in my own dictionaries"重复). In a democracy world, everyone has a high standard at both moral(morality名词) and knowledge, everyone are happy(happily) living together.
Then, how can we strive for a better society through raising our children? Education is of course an effective way. When people are young, their parents teach them how to spell words, write and communicate; this is the first step to be a socialized people. After that, children enter schools. In there(There), children are living with other contemporaries for years, learning how to communicate with each other, gaining senses of cooperation, competition and understanding. After that, they graduate and face the real society, which requires them using the socialization skills learned from(during) their former years.
Although being criticized very hard, education is improving. Education is not perfect in any countries. In China, many children are taught to just go for marks in the tests. In Japan, a group of people are called OTAKUs, who are trapped by their childhood interests, including animation, video game, internet,  and the sense of security at home. Those people are a reverse example of those who are not taught being(to be) well socialized. As a result, certain social problems have long been reported among these OTAKUs, such as suicide, crime, psychic(-physic-) diseases and so forth. Still, we have to admit that education is improving. More and more children have higher education levels and educators are studying hard on how to get children better educated.

To sum up, socialization is a determining issue for children who are changing our world in future. Despite of certain problems caused by current society, children are having better education to be more socialized. As long as we keep an open mind to the necessity of socialization, and as long as we try our best to look for a better way to raise children, I’m sure our offspring will come toward bringing about a better society one day in the future.

对Issue还很头大，有点晕，所以就找了点小小问题，望LZ见谅哈
lghscu

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