[活动] 12.10独立写作作业 [复制链接]

SilentScorpius
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-12-10 19:37:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

12.10 孩子应该是玩和学习还是做家务household chores？

Childhood is an essential part in a person’s life. It is in this period that one can study fundamental knowledge and play with peers frequently. Nowadays the assignments that were given by teachers increase sharply. If household chores involved in, everything will become more complex. Once a child has to housework, he cannot concentrate himself on studying and play with other children.
The principal task for children is studying. Parents of our country especially stress on children’s outstanding grades of courses. So most of the children must spend a lot of time on reading textbooks and finishing assignment. Doing housework is just a disturbance. Regular household chores are boring for adults, needless to say for children. Clearing the floor two times a day, washing dishes three times a day and mowing lawn once a day can make a child totally exhausted. Therefore, if children are ordered to do these onerous works, they will feel depressed and have no interesting to do their academic assignment.
In addition, playing is significant for a child. Playing means interesting and fun, but that is not the whole thing. Communication is the core. In order to get along with other people in later time, children should to learn how to communicate with others, how to deal with various stuffs. All they need to know can be learned from playing. If not so, some of the children will become less competitive than others. For example, if a kid uses his whole time on studying and doing housework but hardly talks to his peers, he would probably destitute of communication skills. What he could do when he has to apply for a job or does negotiating?
Conversely, doing modest housework also can be used to improve a child’s living skill. He can learn how to live independently. That is a positive of doing household chores. Also, parents can give some incentive to child, after his hard work, to let him know the value of working.
In conclusion, studying and playing are important in a person’s early life time. We should not let burdensome housework ruin these meaningful days.

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枫叶满天
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沙发

发表于 2009-12-11 10:44:11 |只看该作者

Childhood is an essential part in a person’s life. It is in this period that one can study fundamental knowledge and play with peers frequently.(其实这么的好的强调句型觉得应该放在主题句或文章中心句用，这样比较显眼，不然读起来觉得这里有点造作出来的感觉) Nowadays the assignments that were given by teachers increase sharply. If household chores involved in, everything will become more complex（complicated）. Once a child has to （do ）housework, he cannot concentrate himself(改成his efforts) on studying and play(ing) with other children.
The principal task for children is studying. Parents of（in） our country especially stress on children’s outstanding grades of courses. So most of the children must spend a lot of time on reading textbooks and finishing assignment(s). Doing housework is just a disturbance. Regular household chores are boring for adults, needless to say for children. Clearing the floor two times a day, washing dishes three times a day and mowing lawn once a day can make a child totally exhausted. Therefore, if children are ordered to do these onerous works, they will feel depressed and have no interesting to do（改成interest in doing） their academic assignment.
(这一段还是思路比较清晰的) P" j
In addition, playing is significant for a child. Playing means interesting and fun, but that is not the whole thing. Communication is the core. In order to get along with other people in later time, children should to learn how to communicate with others, how to deal with various stuffs. All they need to know can be learned from playing. If not so, some of the children will become less competitive than others. For example, if a kid uses his whole time on studying and doing housework but hardly talks to his peers, he would probably destitute of communication skills. What he could do when he has to apply for a job or does negotiating?
Conversely, doing modest housework also can be used to improve a child’s living skill. He can learn how to live independently. That is a positive (aspect) of doing household chores. Also, parents can give some（an） incentive to child, after his hard work, to let（allow） him know the value of working.
In conclusion, studying and playing are important in a person’s early life time. We should not let burdensome housework ruin these meaningful days.
总体上来说思路还是比较清晰的，加油~

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a-moon82815
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板凳

发表于 2009-12-11 14:21:09 |只看该作者

12.10 孩子应该是玩和学习还是做家务household chores？
^
Childhood is an essential part in a person’s life. It is in this period that one can study fundamental knowledge and play with peers frequently. Nowadays the assignments that were given by teachers increase sharply. If household chores involved in, everything will become more complex. Once does a child has to do housework, he cannot concentrate himself on studying and play with other children.（可变为倒装句）

The principal task for children is studying. Parents of our country especially stress on children’s outstanding grades of courses. So most of the children must spend a lot of time on reading textbooks and finishing assignments. Doing housework is just a disturbance. Regular household chores are boring for adults, needless to say for children. Clearing the floor two times a day, washing dishes three times a day and mowing lawn once a day can make a child totally exhausted. Therefore, if children are ordered to do these onerous works, they will feel depressed and have no interesting to do their academic assignments. (可以举一些更加详细与具体的例子)

In addition, playing is significant for a child. Playing means（换为refers to ）OG中经常使用这个词） interesting and fun（应该接名词）, however,(换成插入句) that is not the whole thing. Communication is the core. In order to get along with other people in later time, children should to （去掉to） learn
加上not only how to communicate with others (加上but also)how(去掉how) to deal with various stuffs.（children should learn not only how to communicate with others but also to deal with various stuffs.即变为省略HOW的省略句）
All they need to know can be learned from playing. If not so, some of the children will become less competitive than others. For example, if a kid（可举具体的例子，比如叫什么名字之类，OG评分标准--细节） uses his whole time，（ such as 多少小时）， on studying and doing housework but hardly talk to his peers. obviously, he would probably destitute of communication skills including 害怕与陌生人讲话，以及不敢表达自己的想法等等. What he could do when he has to apply for a job or does negotiating?

Conversely, doing modest housework also can be used to （可换一个表达）improve a child’s living skill. He can learn how to live independently. That is a positive of doing household chores. Also, parents can give some incentive to child, after his hard work, to let him know the value of working.9 l. z3 ^- W+ k) t- ^

In conclusion, studying and playing are important in a person’s early life time. We should not let burdensome housework ruin these meaningful days. , p o) `&

思路清晰，逻辑性较强。
可以再多个句型变换，如插入句，省略句。例子可以再具体一些
祝取得好成绩！！
a( h; {, _7 |, s2 h

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