[未归类] 31号就要考了,再贴一篇作文上来,请帮忙改改~~ [复制链接]

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 23
注册时间: 2009-10-1
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2010-1-26 01:40:22 |只看该作者

the issues whether we should make decision on one’s own or having others makes decision for us has been brought into focus.单复数

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 23
注册时间: 2009-10-1
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2010-1-26 01:41:34 |只看该作者

depends on different situation.同上

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 23
注册时间: 2009-10-1
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2010-1-26 02:02:22 |只看该作者

Making decisions on one’s own or having others make decisions for us

In the recent days, the issue that one should have his/her own judgments or have someone like family members or friends of intimacy make decisions has become a nationwide focus. Reasonably, people with different experiences, divers lifestyle or varieties of emotional concerns will propose opinions just like the answers when asked for their hobbies. I am totally approve that making decisions depends on one’s own situation.

哎呀，太累了，其实我看了Lz的文章好像是犯了个比较忌讳的错误（according to 戴云’s view）首段给出观点是depending on ，下面应给出不同的situation 这个比较好写。给两个，最后一段总结下就OK，套句式。

最后越长越好，我信。。。

润舞无声
UID：2740896

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 196
注册时间: 2009-12-21
精华: 0
帖子: 5

5楼

发表于 2010-1-26 10:40:19 |只看该作者

4# ccqqsunshine
请问下"比较忌讳的错误" 是什么呢?我下面也分情况讨论了啊,第一点一些人想自己做决定, 但这得有足够的自制力和判断力, 要对自己负责. 但在一些比较重要的情况下就得请教别人了. ..是不是我的第一点应该更明确一些?直接说在一些小事或者无关重要的事情上自己可以做决定呢?

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 23
注册时间: 2009-10-1
精华: 0
帖子: 0

6楼

发表于 2010-1-26 14:33:42 |只看该作者

5# 润舞无声

第一忌讳观点不明确，尤其是这种折中式的，一定要给出明确条件，最好首句直接给出条件及答案哈。

努力中……

mpromanus
UID：2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

7楼

发表于 2010-1-27 17:26:08 |只看该作者

Recently, the issues whether we should make decisions on one’s our own or having others makes decisions for us has been brought into focus. People may have different opinions depending on their own experiences, lifestyles and emotional concerns. In my opinion, who to make decision depends on different situations.

Some people prefer making decisions on one’s their own because they think making decision is his or her (I can't say this is entirely wrong but the agreement is absurd. 'one's' is actually better used here, as in 'they think decision making is one's own responsibility..'.) own thing, and he or she should make decisions for themselves (There, how can a singular person make decisions for a plural noun? I'm not saying this is wrong, but you need to keep things CONSISTENT. All future similar sentences should be corrected as so: if you use plural nouns, use plural pronouns/possessives; if you use singluar possessives, use singular nouns and pronouns. Don't mix them.), and not to depend on others (I'm adding the simplest conjuction 'and' for you, but this doesn't mean you should just keep using 'and'. Think about how to connect your sentences properly and efficiently, e.g. '..one should make decisions for himself INSTEAD of depending on others..'.). Many students? (Why do you specify 'students'?) prefer making decisions by one’s own because it means students no longer need to listen to their parents and they can do whatever they like. Making decisions by one’s own can cultivate one’s independence, but he or she should be responsible for himself or herself no matter what the consequence is. Some students cannot control themselves well, like (I realize this is a very popular but wrong term used by Chinese students to mean 'for example'..) they may be addicted to games. As I see it, making decisions on one’s own is good if you have the ability of self-control, but we should also pay enough attention on some particular situations.

In some particular situations, like when you choose a college after graduating from high school, you should take others' decisions into consideration or having others makes the decision (Now here is a very specific, particular decision - choosing a college - so you need to use 'the'.) for you. Others’ decisions like your parents’ or your friends’ make can be beneficial for you because they have more experience than you. Take my own experience for example. Last year, I was considering whether to go to abroad to continue my further study. I am such a hesitating person that I couldn’t make a decision by myself because I thought going aboard both has both merits and drawbacks. Therefore, I asked many people for help. I asked for my parents' opinions. They said they supported me to going abroad because they thought going abroad could provide me with a better education. Then I asked one of my friends Irene who has studied abroad for a period. She told me that studying abroad could broaden your horizons and enhances your interpersonal skills. After I weighed the positive and negative effects, I decided to go abroad. (Your topic sentence in this paragraph is to 'take others' decisions into consideration', but in your example, the people you asked provde 'advices' and 'opinions' rather than 'decisions'.) When you are confronted with some serious problems (I don't think choosing to go abroad or not or choosing a college can be referred to as a 'serious problem'..so this conclusion doesn't echo with your example at all.) and do not know how to make a decision, you can let others make decisions for you or give you some constructive suggestions (The question doesn't give you this choice, so arguing for it will be irrelevant. Don't always try to be 'well-rounded'. Address the question adequately, but focus ONLY on the question.).

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that who makes decisions depends on different situations: if the situation is crucial in your life, you should take others suggestion into consideration (Again, this is NOT the choice given in the question. The question's choice is between making a decision on your own and having others make one for you. It's not making a decision on your own with others' suggestions or anything like that) and some situation you can make decisions by your own.

总结：

语法 - 单复数请注意要前后一致。在单复数都可以的情况下，你可以选择用单数或者用复数，但是要注意整齐，不要一会儿单数一会儿复数。另外请继续注意一下联结和动词的词法。

词汇 - 语义不详的情况大有改善~ :)

逻辑 - 你给的题目似乎并不完整，所以我不知道你文章中间突然开始出现students是不是符合题目的要求 =.= 另外就是题目要你做的是区分自己做决定和别人替你做决定，而不是自己做决定和在别人帮助下你做决定，别人替你做决定和别人帮助下你做决定是完全不一样的，所以到最后其实你并没有做到两边都赞同，而是偏题。。

关于两边都赞同的写法：这个写法没有说可不可以，重要的是好不好写。就托福的要求来说，3-4百字的时间内要一个非母语的英语使用者做到把两个方面都写得圆满，并不是很实际，所以题目一般本身会导向你只说一边。如果你觉得有必要折中，请在第一段中给出你的限定 - 我觉得应该自己做决定，但是这不是说全部自己单独作决定，有些情况下需要在别人帮助下自己做决定 - 这样就很明确你的总论点（main argument）依然是人应该自己做决定，但分论点是这个情况下的两种可能性（variation），单独自己做决定和在别人帮助下自己做决定。

润舞无声
UID：2740896

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 196
注册时间: 2009-12-21
精华: 0
帖子: 5

8楼

发表于 2010-1-27 20:13:41 |只看该作者

7# mpromanus
首先还是先谢谢你呀~~~看完你的评论我总算知道要怎么写这题才能表达出我的意思了~!原来我要表达的是应该自己做决定啊(我好笨啊...)
还有就是要请教你几个问题啊,有点小贪心..还有三天就考了..
1. 我的题目应该是全的哦. 我第一点所说指的student是想表明一些年轻的人,像学生或者是孩子,愿意自己做决定是因为他们想早点独立.
根据题目的话,这样讲说的话算不算跑题哒?
2 一个比较弱智的问题,我用的Some students cannot control themselves well, like (I realize this is a very popular but wrong term used by Chinese students to mean 'for example'..) they may be addicted to games. , 那个"like"有问题的话,要什么时候用才能表达出"比如"的意思呢?(我的意思是我好像见过用like作为举例的啊...就是记不清怎么用了)
3还有一个问题就是困扰我很久的问题了. 举个例子来说明我的问题吧, 很多题都是问你同不同意一个观点,比如说
Teachers should assign homework for students every day.
如果我想说我不同意这个观点, 那么我写的时候是应该写teacher should not assign homework for students every day, 还是写没必要天天布置作业更加切题呢?或者是
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.
我不同意,那么我就说还有别的原因可以导致不健康的饮食习惯,还是说广告不是主要原因呢?
困惑中...