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发表于 2010-2-24 19:21:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Do you agree or disagree: people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

Should people live in the same place all of their live or move to another place frequently? Considering this question, some persons may well prefer to live in the same place since there would be various remorable things. While I would like to move to another place following the feeling of my heart.

Admittedly, there is a series of reasons for people to choose live in the city or country lastingly. The city would have the kinds of familiar things and people who are valuable for us. What is more, if you have a good job, it would also be a reason for you to live. However, moving to another place, in some degree, means a new beginning when we left unhappy things and perpare for a new life. Common sense informs us that the effective way of forgetting before would be scaping. Thus, moving to another place frequently can give me an oppotimistic attitude towards my life.

Secondly, It would provide you much opportunity to make new friends. We can learn much from these friends and also they will beome a part of my life. Furthermore, I can change my job and hence work a different company with different people. All of these advantages would be of benefit for me to increase my experience. In other words, living in modern society, people have to possess the ability of getting well with different persons in a short time. From this angle, moving to another place, working with differnet, feelling cultures of differnet companies, all of these can exert positive effect on people’s growth.

Lastly, living in the highly compitive era, people have little time of opportunities to travel. To some content, the process of choosing a place to live in is also a process of seeking a dream place which has beautiful scenary, historical sites, delicious food and so forth. This is to say, people can find a perfect excuse for themselves to relax and enjoy the beautiful nature. One of my dream is possessing my own motor home. So I can enjoy living in my motor home and travelling to different cities, without any worries, that is a real happy life.

Summarily, I agree that some people like to live in the same place all of their live, also I can understand them as the old place would have sorts of reasons from them to live. Nevertheless, I prefer moving to a new place, which can enrich my social experience, make me enjoy beautiful nature and forget any unhappy things.
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沙发
发表于 2010-2-25 15:41:38 |只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree: people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place

Should people live in the same place all of their live (s) or move to another place frequently? Considering this question, some persons may well prefer to live in the same place since there would be various remorable things. While (However or Nevertheless would be better) I would like to move to another place following the feeling of my heart.

Admittedly, there is (are) a series of reasons for people to choose (to) live in the city or country lastingly. The city would have the (感觉多余或者可以换成all) kinds of familiar things and people who are valuable for us. What is more, if you have a good job, it would also be a reason for you to live (感觉这里空空的,是不是加个there 或者in the city会感觉好点?). However, moving to another place, in some degree, means a new beginning when we left unhappy things and prepare (left prepare 之间时态的统一LZ需斟酌) for a new life. Common sense informs us that the effective way of forgetting before would be scaping. Thus, moving to another place frequently can give me an oppotimistic attitude towards my life.


E8 I
Secondly, It (建议这里不要用指示代词,段开头使用指示代词让人不太容易理解) would provide you (with)much opportunity (opportunity是可数名词) to make new friends. We can learn much from these friends and also they will beome a part of my life. Furthermore, I can change my job and hence work (in) a different company with different people. All of these advantages would be of benefit for me to increase my experience. In other words, living in modern society, people have to possess the ability of getting well with different persons in a short time. From this angle, moving to another place, working with differnet,
feelling cultures of differnet companies, all of these can exert positive effect (s) on people’s growth.

Lastly, living in the highly compitive era, people have little time of opportunities to travel. To some content, the process of choosing a place to live in is also a process of seeking a dream place which has beautiful scenary, historical sites, delicious food and so forth. This is to say, people can find a perfect excuse for themselves to relax and enjoy the beautiful nature. One of my dream is possessing my own motor home. So I can enjoy living in my motor home and travelling to different cities, without any worries, that is a real happy life.(感觉此句需要修改)

Summarily, I agree (感觉这里使用agree有可能有与LZ文章中心有悖的嫌疑,建议换个词) that some people like to live in the same place all of their live, also I can understand them as the old place would have sorts of reasons from them to live. Nevertheless, I prefer moving to a new place, which can enrich my social experience, make me enjoy beautiful nature and forget any unhappy things.

(个人感觉这像是一篇考场作文,一篇在考场上急急忙忙就完成了的作文,里面包含有不少单词拼写错误和小的语法错误;是不是LZ在掐时间模考?如果真是如此我个人建议完成之后也可以自己先修改一下,尽量出现少的小的错误。另外,我个人感觉文章的句子读起来比较拗口,不是那么畅快,建议LZ在句子上还可以花点功夫。继续加油↖(^ω^)↗)

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板凳
发表于 2010-2-25 17:22:24 |只看该作者
2# bensonseu
嗯 不好意思,经常打错字。。。然后也没检查--
语言方面自己太差了  辛苦审阅了
谢谢批改

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地板
发表于 2010-2-25 18:20:13 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 lixinjiayou 于 2010-2-25 18:22 编辑

Should people live in the same place all of their live or move to another place frequently(加了这个frequently是不是就太明显篡改的题目的意思?)? Considering this question, some persons may well prefer to live in the same place since there would be various remorable表达什么意思?) things. While I would like to move to another place following the feeling of my heart.
Admittedly, there is a series of reasons for people to choose live in the city or country lastingly. The city would have the kinds of familiar things and people who are valuable for us. What is more, if you have a good job, it would also be a reason for you to live(加个there,不然就是活着的意思了^_^. However, moving to another place, in some degree, means a new beginning when we left unhappy things and perpare
preparefor a new life. Common sense informs us that the effective way of forgetting before(换成the past would be scaping. Thus, moving to another place frequently can give me an oppotimisticoptimistic attitude towards my life.+ v2 i# b* Q' |: K
* i" v% z+ \2 u' W, g
Secondly, It would provide you much opportunity to make new friends. We can learn much from these friends and also they will beomebecome a part of my life. Furthermore, I can change my job and hence workin
a different company with different people. All of these advantages would be of benefit for me to increaseexperience不好说increase吧,改成enrich my experience. In other words, living in modern society, people have to possess(换成acquire the ability of getting well with different persons in a short time. From this angle, moving to another place, working with differnet, feelling cultures of differnet companies, all of these can exert positive effect on people’s growth.. P% _. a5 H9 p' q* h0 W
Lastly, living in the highly compitive era, people have little time of opportunities to travel. To some content(应该是extent吧), the process of choosing a place to live in is also a process of seeking a dream place which has beautiful scenary, historical sites, delicious food and so forth. This is to say, people can find a perfect excuse for themselves to relax and enjoy the beautiful nature. One of my dream is possessing my own motor home. So I can enjoy living in my motor home and travelling to different cities, without any worries, that is a real happy life.* s- C. [+ o. A
/ M( a+ U! H6 v6 ^$ ^% a0 \
Summarily, I agree that some people like to live in the same place all of their live, also I can understand them as the old place would have sorts of reasons from them to live. Nevertheless, I prefer moving to a new place, which can enrich my social experience, make me enjoy beautiful nature and forget any unhappy things.


呵呵作者的拼写错误比较多哦,有的就没有纠正了啦……我想你是不是在规定时间掐时间完成的呢?呵呵我是用word编写的啦


分论点是不是过于散了呢,或许抓住一个论点详细的写就会好很多呢?

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发表于 2010-2-25 19:26:54 |只看该作者
4# lixinjiayou
呵呵,感觉给我改作文的同学都是在改错O(∩_∩)O~
辛苦了、、、、 不知道为什么手就是不好使-- 用文本打的
下次写完一定好好检查一遍--
论点嘛。。。 提纲准备的不好 写的时候 就是没什么话 就散了。。。
谢谢批改

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