[i习作temp] 贡献issue 65范文思路+i65和 arg 174求改-附自己改的track-changes [复制链接]

angel44_44
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-8-18 23:04:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

issue 65大家可能普遍觉得这个比较难，我看到的《手把手教你gre作文》那本书里的思路，觉得不错，大家可以参考下。另外，它关于每段任务的说法也很赞同。

第一段，
开头，先缩小题目范围，变成一个manageable的题目：在没有其他办法，不颠覆政府情况下，disobey unjust law值得提倡，并说明，历史上有很多这样的情况，得到了社会和历史的认可；（To stand against injustice and defend someone whohas been wronged is generally recognized as a moral obligation. This ideal offighting injustice should extend as far as resisting and even disobeying unjustlaws, but only when the injustice is great enough to warrant it. A few bracecitizens’ willingness to stand against the unjust laws without upsetting thefabric of society has colored and improved many societies, and is usuallyrecognized as benefial when no other options presented themselves.）

开头应该包含三方面内容，以拿高分：

1.
position
2.
展现你对题目所涉及的complexity的认识

3.
summary后文要讲的内容；

第二段，
情况一,law break our basic moral code,举例，纳粹屠杀犹太人；

第三段，
情况二，Even not endanger lives, when we know ourresistance will benefit society..举例，Martin Luther King against discrimination,benefit the birth of civil rights, Indian Movement and Harlem Renaissance

第四段，
结语，呼应观点，再次体现对complexity的认识：Civil disobedience has its place in history andwill probably shape our future. It may be dangerous to assert too broadly thatwe have a responsibility to disobey unjust laws, but there are times whenevents require us to do so.

下面是自己写的issue 65和argu174，求改求批~~把自己参考范文改动的痕迹和comments也附件上了~大家可以用来汲取教训~~~

Disobedienceof unjust laws, under the preconditions that the jeopardy unjust laws brought tothe wronged person is serious enough to warrant it, and that there are no otherbetter means to fight against the injustice, would benefit the society andshould be encouraged. Disobeying the unjust laws without upsetting the fabricof society, not only helps ensure democracy and harmony of a society, but alsomakes certain remedy to some historical huge mistake by authorities and promotesthe change of the unjust laws.
Many maythink that empowering people the right to disobey unjust laws would causediscord even turmoil to a country. Such empowerment, in contrast, would entitlecitizens chances to make their voice heard, in which case, their disagreementscan be better received and deltwith by authorites and law-makers. As a result, they may encounter lessfrustration of being ill-treated. For example, several suicide tragedies duringforced house tearing down and relocation in China, were due to the deepfrustration and desperation of many unjust, ill-made local rules and laws. Andthis is worsen by no good and safe approaches to appeal.
Comparatively, the situation is much better-offin places where people are ensured to own a legitimate right to argue against therelevant laws and rules. Thereby, allowing people to make their voice againstan unjust law heard ensures smooth communications between citizens and authority and guarantees citizens'freedom of expression. This would in turn, contribute to, rather than debilitatingoverall harmony of a country.
As for theconcern of the ill-intentionedguys may take this as a tool to disobey laws, whether just and unjust. Aslaws with regard to punishing the out-laws would be in place anyway. For thoseill-intentioned guys who break just laws, the judicial system would charge andpunish them as well. When people have more sense of involvement in law-making,they would be more active to safeguard the implementation of just laws and punishthe out-laws. Therefore, the ill-intentioned out-laws will be punished as well.(自己对这段的comment：应该在第一段把这种极端的情况限制在外，缩小讨论范围！！！该段可删除。)
Furthermore,other than the benefits to political democracy and harmony of the society,encouraging citizens to disobey unjust laws could also remedy an authority's seriousmistake and promoted the change of the unjust laws. As Lincoln said “When anend is lawful and obligatory, the indispensable means to it are also lawful andobligatory.” For instance, during the Second World War, laws under Hitler’sfanaticism related to the genocide of the Jews, brought real tragedy and shame tothe humankind history. There were many German citizens, who disobeyed the lawsand helped Jews escape from the killing, by hiding or secretly transferringthem to a safe place. These people are honored today for saving others’ livesand their action remedied the serious crime of genocide to some extent. Their deedalso drew the outside world’s attention to the unjust law and promoted theabolishment of the law. Last but not least, it would be beneficial and necessaryto encourage and allow people to disobey unjust laws, but putting it as some responsibilitywould not be proper. As there are other alternatives other than disobeying,such as appealing, to fight against unjust laws, we should not deny
people's freedom to choose how to do thingsin their own ways.
In sum, Iconsider encouragement to be necessary but not requirement by laws to disobeyunjust laws.
(399
words)
本文可以用的例子：another example relevant to racialdiscrimination: Few would contest that Martin Luther King, Jr., in leading hisrace and to stand against the tyranny of injustice and seek equal treatment,was doing a great service for his generation and his country. Even though theJim Crow laws did not threaten lives, Martin Luther King Jr.’s call forresistance marked the birth of civil right in his country, sparking the AmericanIndian Movement and the Harlem Renaissance.
arg 174In theargument, the author concludes that the new Captain Seafood restaurantspecializing in seafood would be fairly popular and profitable. He or shereasons that there are unfilled consumption needs of seafood by citing a salesstudy and a nationwide study. The author also assumes that a restaurant withseafood as specialty like Captain Seafood would cater to the customers' needsand attract many customers. However, the author leaves many questions unanswered,which may well undermine his conclusion.
Is thesales study a good indicator of potential growth of the seafood cateringmarket? Although consumption increased by 30 percent during the past 5 years,the market growth during the most recent two years may be low even negative. Historicalgrowth does not equal forecast increase. Even if there is good growth duringthe recent one or two years, the growth may be negative during this year or thecoming year. Without a reliable forecast regarding the seafood consumption in following3 or 5 years, more consumption to be generated in following years could not beassumed. Besides, the 30 percent could also due to big consumption increase of acouple of specific dishes and small increase of other seafood cousins. We alsodo not know the base of the 30 percent increase. If there was a serious disasterfor the seafood market years ago, for example, high mercury levels were found infishes and ruined the Bay City seafood market years ago, and the 5-year growthis just a steady recovery from the very low consumption after the disaster.
Does thenationwide study apply in Bay City? Economic discrepancy, climate and cultural differences ofdifferent locations may mean very different eating habits and concerns towardsdiet. For example, if unlike the other parts of the country, Bay City familiesare relatively poor with particularly strong customs to eat at home, two-incomefamilies may have far less willingness to eat in an restaurant or eat seafood. IfBay City is not analogous to most parts of the country in terms of dietaryhabits and concerns. The majority of Bay City two-income families may not takeeating outside as preferable as nationwide two-income families did. Even ifpreference of eating in a restaurant is true, growing concern about healthfuleating does not guarantee that they would consider seafood as a best choice ofhealthful food or would choose to eat seafood far more times than before.
Even ifthere would be many unfilled consumption needs, will the new Captain Seafoodrestaurant successfully attract many customers? Many old customers may beaccustomed to the existing restaurants that they used to eat at, and both oldand new customers may hesitate to try a newly open restaurant. The dishesoffered in Captain Seafood restaurant may not cater to the customers' needs andthey may not come repeatedly. Possibly, the location of the new Captain Seafoodrestaurant may be unfavorable that few customers will come.
Last butnot least, under the assumption that the restaurant would attract manycustomers, is the management good enough to run a restaurant properly and makeprofit? Operating a restaurant well involves complicated soft-conditions andmanagement abilities such as reasonable human resources allocations, good planning,cost control, cash-flow management, offering qualified services. If themanagement and staff are unable to fulfill these requirements, profitability cannotbe ensured.
In all, theauthor should contemplate about the above questions in order to make a good judgmentregarding the mentioned topic.
(424 wordsin 30 min)

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沙发

发表于 2011-8-23 15:15:39 |只看该作者

想问一下楼主。issue能这样直接只辩驳自己对后半句的观点，完全不管前半句麼？

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2011-8-23 15:20:52 |只看该作者

还有就是这篇issue的要求是be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.，这样的要求是什么意思？？要举例子来反驳自己的观点麼？？怎么感觉这么诡异...

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