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layla1989
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-7-2 11:18:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

第一次考托~~~作文很烂~~~
希望能提高

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layla1989
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沙发

发表于 2010-7-6 20:54:38 |只看该作者

7.6
It is more important to reserve land for human beings than for endangered animals.

With more and more land comtaminated by people , thousands of wild animals are losing their home. The issue of protecting our environment to save wild animals has attracted people’s attention. Recently someone has said that there is no need to save the land for animal in danger and saving the land for human beings is more direct and significant. Such statement is ridiculous and absolutely wrong because human can never live alone with all the other animals’ extinction.
Firstly, all the creature are born equal, human has no right to deprive the land of other species. Although the god give human intelligence, it dosn’t mean that we can abuse our ability to do harm to other animals. Besides,up to now, human is the creature who has made the most significant influence to the environment of the earth. So people have the responsibility to try their best to eliminate the negative effect that they brought to the land. In addition, it is not humanism to save the lands for human only but to do nothing letting endangered animals die out.
Secondly, saving wild animal is saving humanselves. Human is standing on the top of food chain, which means that their lives can be affacted by any links of the chain. However, the extinction of any kinds of animal is losing a link of the food chain that connected to human at the end and sometimes, losing one key link may influence the whole chain in that area. If human do not take any measures to protect the environment of the land that is the home of other animals, the day when all the other animals die out is the last day for human to live.
Finally, the prosperity of human beings can only continue by maintaining the harmony between man and nature. Any behavior polluting the environment has made human pay the price. For example, one of the most popular words about the change of the climate is “greenhouse effect”, which bring huge economic loss to human in every corner of the world. No one can escape from the loss , which is in big part due to human’s activities. Furthermore, many other disasters that do harm to both human and wild animals are because of humans’ activities, including flood, land desertization and so on.
As a conclusion, humanbeings should reserve land for both human and wild animals for there are two choices, live together or die out together.

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板凳

发表于 2010-7-7 08:18:17 |只看该作者

作文改稿见附件

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地板

发表于 2010-7-7 23:23:11 |只看该作者

With more and more land comtaminated(contaminated) by people , thousands of wild animals are losing their home(homes). The issue of protecting our environment to save wild animals has attracted people’s attention. Recently someone has said that there is no need to save the land for animal in danger and saving the land for human beings (这里要不要一个代词？) is more direct and significant. Such statement is ridiculous and absolutely wrong because human can never live alone with(我想这里最好用一个whereas的转折词) all the other animals’ extinction.

Firstly, all the creature are born equal, human has no right to deprive the land of other species. Although the god give human intelligence, it doesn’t(doesn’t) mean that we can abuse our ability to do harm to other animals. Besides, up to now, human is the creature who(that) has made the most significant influence to the environment of the earth. So people have the responsibility to try their best to eliminate the negative effect that they brought to the land. In addition, it is not humanism to save the lands for human only but to do nothing letting endangered animals die out.

Secondly, saving wild animal is saving human selves. Human is standing(这词用的不大妥当) on the top of food chain, which means that their lives can be affacted by any links of the chain. However, the extinction of any kinds of animal is losing a link of the food chain that connected to human at the end and sometimes, losing one key link may influence the whole chain in that area. If human do not take any measures to protect the environment of the land that is the home of other animals, the day when all the other animals die out is the last day for human to live.

Finally, the prosperity of human beings can only continue by maintaining the harmony between man and nature. Any behavior polluting the environment has made human pay the price. For example, one of the most popular words about the change of the climate is “greenhouse effect”, which bring(brings) huge economic loss to human in every corner of the world(这里应该举一个例子啊，而不能草草带过). No one can escape from the loss, which is in big part due to human’s activities(这句话看不懂). Furthermore, many other disasters that do harm to both human and wild animals are because of humans’ activities, including flood, land desertization(desertification不用land这个词) and so on.

As a conclusion, human beings should reserve land for both human and wild animals for there are two choices, live together or die out together.
楼主作文结构尚好，句式表达比较生硬。我相信写多了就会熟练起来。语法还有些问题。加油哦！

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layla1989
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5楼

发表于 2010-7-8 12:12:15 |只看该作者

:$谢谢大家的意见~~一定会坚持练下去~

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layla1989
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6楼

发表于 2010-7-8 21:29:06 |只看该作者

7.8
Students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.

Nowadays，students are receiving education at school for less than 9 months annually. This time arrangement for schooling is used almost in every education organization all around the world. Will any changes of such arrangment bring more effectiveness and higher quality to our education system, for example to extend the school day to 11months? From where I stand, the answer is “no”.
Longer terms maybe lead to teaching more knowledge, but it can not be ensured that the additional knowledge are recieved by students. As we all know, efficient study is based on sufficient rests. To prepare for next study task,our head need “cooling off” after intensive working. Further more, students should be given time to digest the knowledge and skills that are learnt in classes, otherwise all the works that have done in the classroom including both teaching and learning are just a waste of time.
Some parents may worry about the efficiency of time using during the summer and winter holiday. There is great possibility that their children may spend most of their time on playing online games and watching TV. I can’t deny the fact but what is more impotant is that the skill of time scheduing can only be learnt in free time. Students could not stay in school for their whole lives and their time will be controled by themselves sooner or later. So, long school term would have negative effects on the quality of education.
Extending school day will also limit students’ developing directions. In more than 3 months’ vacation, students can do whatever they want. They could do more reading, play basketball more often, take some jods and so on. Activities like these give them chances to communicate with the world outside campus and to know the society much better.what’s more, they can get to know themselves and determine their next goals. However, if we reduce the holiday time, what we get will also be discounted.
As a conclusion, in order to get effective teaching, broaden students’ horizon and improve students’ independence, school day should not be extended. An good education system should not only provide comprehensive knowledge and skills, but also give students chance to learn by themselves.

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yandong1208
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7楼

发表于 2010-7-9 15:40:47 |只看该作者

Students would receive a better, effective education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.

( r! M0 \6 I9 w1 y$ a
Nowadays，students are receiving education at school for less than 9 months annually. This time arrangement for schooling is used almost in every education organization all around the world. Will any changes of such arrangment bring more effectiveness and higher quality to our education system, for example to extend the school day to 11months? From where I stand, the answer is “no”.& F3 [; E* L6 A- H

Longer terms maybe lead to teaching more knowledge, but it can not be ensured that the additional knowledge are recieved by students. As we all know, efficient study is based on sufficient rests. To prepare for next study task,our head need “cooling off” after intensive working. Further more, students should be given time to digest the knowledge and skills that are learnt in classes, otherwise all the works that have done in the classroom including both teaching and learning are just a waste of time.

Some parents may worry about the efficiency of time using during the summer and winter holiday. There is great possibility that their children may spend most of their time on playing online games and watching TV. I can’t deny the fact but what is more impotant is that the skill of time scheduing can only be learnt in free time. Students could not stay in school for their whole lives and their time will be controled by themselves sooner or later. So, long school term would have negative effects on the quality of education.) G/ R2 V5 ]" |& V

Extending school day will also limit students’ developing directions. In more than 3 months’ vacation, students can do whatever they want. They could do more reading, play basketball more often, take some jods and so on. Activities like these give them chances to communicate with the world outside campus and to know the society much better.what’s more, they can get to know themselves and determine their next goals. However, if we reduce the holiday time, what we get will also be discounted.

As a conclusion, in order to get effective teaching, broaden students’ horizon and improve students’ independence, school day should not be extended. An（A） good education system should not only provide comprehensive knowledge and skills, but also give students chance to learn by themselves.

真的写得挺好，我读了快十遍也没觉得哪里需要改动。:shutup:
逻辑十分清晰，理由很充分，也没有累赘的语言。
只是个别地方可以用一些稍微高级的词汇或者短语替代就更好了！

要向你学习啊！别忘了帮我批改呀~~=]

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layla1989
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8楼

发表于 2010-7-10 20:22:59 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 layla1989 于 2010-7-10 20:26 编辑

7.10
Today, one of the groups of people who are living under the biggest pressure is students, especially high school students in china. They are always the one who get up early in the morning with black circle on eyes and big schoolbags on the back. In order to reduce their heavy burdens, people appeal to schools and teachers for assigning less homework to students. However, I still consider that daily homework is necessary for students in middle and high schools.
Assigning daily homework can help students study effectively. Students have 7 classes everyday in which large amount of new knowledge beats into their head. According to the curve of memory, students need to review at least once a day to digest what they have learnt in the classes. Daily homework is just a good guide for students to do the review. With the guide of homework, students may find it more easy to start a review for it provides them a outline of the whole day’s studying contents. Besides, assigning daily homework can enforce those students who are not able to control themselves to ensure enough study time and prevent them from falling behind.
By assigning homework everyday, teachers can provide lectures with higher quality. Homework is a platform for teachers and students to exchange information about how well the knowledge is tranfered from teachers to students. After correcting students’ homework, teacher can make a check on teaching effects of last class and adjust their lesson arrangements. If teachers assign homework less frequently, for exmple, on weekly basis, they can not know whether there are problems in their teaching method or teaching speed in time, reasulting in teaching inefficiency.
However, for students of colleges and universities, daily homework is unnecessary for most of them can arrange their own time appropriately and the ultimate goal for university education is not only acknowledge the contents of text books but also many other skills such as communication and social skills. Inversely, unlike university students, students in secondery school and senior high school are under the pressure of final exams, so they need daily homework to keep them focus on study everyday.
In a word, teacher can reduce the amount of homework to relieve students from the heavy study burden but the key is to assign homework on daily basis.

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layla1989
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9楼

发表于 2010-7-13 19:11:54 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 layla1989 于 2010-7-13 19:19 编辑

7.13
With billions of dollar invested into movie industry each year, it is becoming one of the most charming industries that catchs millions of people’s eyes. Its products have occupied most people’s free time, becoming the indivisible part of people’s lives, and the tastes in movie vary from people to people: Some like serious movies while some like amuse ones. In terms of the two mian functions of movie including entertaiment and expressing ideas, either of them can be of more importance than the other.
The increasing speed of life make people rely on the amuse function of movies. In the times of specialization of the society and population explosion, people have to do the same work day after day and live a boring life under substantial pressure. Most of the time, they need something amusing as relief from the heavy burden of lives but not a serious story that try to give them an education. So we could not neglect the significance of amuse films for entertainment is primary demand of life now.
Someone may augue that serious films can help people to think whereas the amuse file is vacuous in content.This is absolutely partial opinion for amuse file. Irony and exaggeration are good methods for directors to use in expressing their ideas. Directors always use the two methods above to make audiences laugh and accept his opinion at the same time. No feelling of teaching dosen’t mean that nothing can be learnt. So it is just the intention of education in amuse film is not so obvious as that in serious films
However, it can not be deny that the thoughts in serious films are always deeper than that in amuse film. The deep thoughts can drive us to think and figure out the main idea of the films. But such thinking is a process full of difficulty and not everyone can get the point finally. Watching a serious film can lead to two reasults, getting a lot or nothing. So the effectiveness of serious films depends on the ability of audiences.
In conclusion, no kind of film is better than the other. Both the joy that amuse film bring us and the deep thinking that come from watching a serious movie are wonferful expeience in cinema.

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10楼

发表于 2010-7-14 20:13:26 |只看该作者

Withbillions of dolla(dollars)invested into movie industry each year, it is becoming one of the most charmingindustries that catchs(catches)millions of people’s eyes. Its products have occupied most people’s free time,becoming the indivisible part of people’s lives, and the tastes in movie varyfrom people to people: Some like serious movies while some(others) like amuse(这是动词，不能这样写，amused) ones. In terms of the two mianfunctions of movie including entertaiment andexpressing ideas, either of them can be of more importance than the other.

Theincreasing speed of life make people rely on the amuse function of movies. Inthe times of specialization of the society and population explosion, peoplehave to do the same work day after day and live a boring life under substantialpressure. Most of the time, they need something amusing as relief from theheavy burden of lives but not a serious story that try to give them aneducation. So we could not neglect the significance of amuse films forentertainment is primary demand of life now.

Someonemay auguethat serious films can help people to think whereas the amuse file(amuse是动词) is vacuous in content. Thisis absolutely partial opinion for amuse file. Irony and exaggeration are goodmethods for directors to use in expressing their ideas. Directors always usethe two methods above to make audiences laugh and accept his opinion at thesame time. No feellingof teaching dosen’t mean that nothing can be learnt. So itis just the intention of education in amuse film is not so(as) obvious as that inserious films.

However,it can not be deny(denied)that the thoughts in serious films are always deeper than that in amuse film.The deep thoughts can drive us to think and figure out the main idea of thefilms. But such thinking is a process full of difficulty and not everyone canget the point finally. Watching a serious film can lead to two reasults,getting a lot or nothing. So the effectiveness of serious films depends on theability of audiences.

Inconclusion, no kind of film is better than the other. Both the joy that amuse filmbring us and the deep thinking that come from watching a serious movie are wonferful expeience in cinema.

有多处单词拼写错误。Amuse film这样写是有问题的，应该是amusing film。作文有几处语法错误，表达不是很地道。说理比较多具体的例子比较少。加油！

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11楼

发表于 2010-7-17 08:41:44 |只看该作者

很久没上GT了，上次作文没给你改，道个歉先！以后给你补上！

2011 transfer CUBoulder UI
感恩呈现：我的坎坷申美路的感触https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=1287608&pid=1775383686&page=1&extra=page%3D1

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layla1989
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12楼

发表于 2010-7-17 12:35:38 |只看该作者

7.17

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13楼

发表于 2010-7-18 07:41:47 |只看该作者

7.17 revised

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2011 transfer CUBoulder UI
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14楼

发表于 2010-7-18 22:10:15 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 kingguohao 于 2010-7-18 22:22 编辑

With the specialization of the society, the（感觉这里换成a,用泛指比较好） major used to be a single major has been subdivided into several directions. For example, the management has been separated into financial management, accounting management, HR management and marketing management. Although such subdivision enable students to choose the most appropriate major for themselves, at the same time it deprives them of the chances to learn more. The same tragedy happen（happens） to all the students running for Arts degrees for they have nearly no chance to learn anything about science. So it is reasonable to require all the students to learn basic science in classes.
The basic science knowledge is necessary for everyone. Not only the knowledge of financial crisis but also the understanding of greenhouse effect is the common sense for a person regardless of his major. Just like one can choose a political position when he or she know(knows) something about the candidates, one can know the necessity of protecting the environment and saving energy after he or she learning the knowledge of biologic chain. Human beings are not only the members of human society but also the members of the nature. Arts may bring people love to themselves while science make (makes)people love other creatures, earth even the whole universe.
It is easy for students of science to acquire knowledge about the arts whereas it is difficult for students of arts to gain understanding of science. The news, talk shows even the TV plays can provide everyone with sufficient information about the politics, economics, history and many other arts majors. It is obvious that the mass media is more used to covering the messages about arts than about science. Such situation widens the distance between the science and students of arts. Besides it is commen to see a science stuents(student) to（see sb. do sth.） buy the NY Times but the scene of one art student buying the Science is rare, which indicates that students of art are not so willing to know about the science as students of science to know about the arts. So the basic knowledge of science can not be ensured unless the students of art are required to take basic science classes.
As a conclusion, from both the angle of students’ attitude towards the science and the necessity of science it self, the requirement for all students regardless of their majors to attend basic science classes is of big significance.
写的真好啊，词汇句型都很丰富，学习了。

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