[i习作temp] argument 53 [复制链接]

jefferysy
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发表于 2010-11-26 20:47:33 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 jefferysy 于 2010-11-26 20:51 编辑

ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed
signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

1:对于调查没有明确定义，人数少。
2:婴儿母亲在早秋怀孕时分泌melatonin-a荷尔蒙和他们小时侯害羞没有明确因果关系。
3:对他们的成长没有明确说明，然后直接就得出他们害羞与melatonin有关。

In this argument, the author concludes that high levels of melatonin can bring about shyness at the period of infancy and continues into later life. To support this conclusion, the author cites a survey about a group of 25 infants who were conceived in a time when their mother’s production of melatonin-a hormone increase. The author also conducts a survey after those infants grow up. However, there are some flaws in this argument and then make it unconvincing.

Firstly, a researcher including a group of 25 infants can’t be an exactly representative for this argument. There are numerous infants giving birth in different seasons in the world, then those infants citing probably is a special example. Also, identical information about infants in this argument isn’t mentioned during the period of researching. Without considering these information, the author can not convince us.

Secondly, the author assumes that infants show shyness was due to melatonin-a hormone coming from a time when their mother conceived in the early autumn. However evidence offered is insufficient to support this claim. Many other factors could lead the same result, perhaps the food that his mother eats or may the gene decide it. Without compelling evidence we can’t assume a causal correlation between these two events.

Lastly, the author fails to consider the detail process of grow-up of these children before make the conclusion that melatonin could affect their later life. It is quite possible that their circumference of living is a factor leading to shyness, or it is someone or something that happened in his life makes him or her loses strong confidence and lastly conducts to shyness, such as laughing by others in public or failing in examination all the time. If in this case, the author lacks credible evidence to arrive at the conclusion.

To conclude, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the claim, the author must present more substantial evidence to prove that melatonin can lead us to be shyness, such as to execute a survey in more number of infants and make sure the situation of each infant identical from the beginning to end of the research. Besides, to better access the argument, we still need more information concerning melatonin. (374)

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zleung
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沙发

发表于 2010-11-28 11:55:20 |只看该作者

ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago,researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed

signs of mild distress whenexposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of anunknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than otherinfants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers'production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-wouldnaturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up studyconducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-whohad shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increasedlevels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shynesscontinues into later life.
1:对于调查没有明确定义，人数少。
2:婴儿母亲在早秋怀孕时分泌melatonin-a荷尔蒙和他们小时侯害羞没有明确因果关系。
3:对他们的成长没有明确说明，然后直接就得出他们害羞与melatonin有关。
Inthis argument, the author concludes that high levels of melatonin can bringabout shyness at the period of infancy whichcontinues into later life. To support this conclusion, the author cites asurvey about a group of 25 infants who were probably(加上这个很重要) conceivedin a time when their mother’s production of melatonin-a hormone increase. Theauthor also conducts a survey after those infants grow up. However, there aresome flaws in this argument rendering(北美范文里面经常用的一个词) itunconvincing.
Firstly,a research including a groupof 25 infants can’t be an exactly representative for this argument. There arenumerous infants given birthin different seasons in the world, then those infants citing probably is aspecial example. Also, identical information about infants during the period ofresearching isn’t mentioned in this argument. Without considering theseinformation, the author can not convince us.
Secondly,the author assumes that infants show shyness was due to melatonin-a hormonecoming from a time when their mother conceived in the early autumn. Howeverevidence offered is insufficient to support this claim. Many other factorscould lead the same result, perhaps the food that his mother eats or may thegene decide it. Without compelling evidence we can’t assume a causal correlationbetween these two events.
Lastly,the author fails to consider the detail process of grow-up of these childrenbefore make the conclusion that melatonin could affect their later life. It isquite possible that their circumference of living is a factor leading toshyness, or it is someone or something that happened in his life makes him orher loses strong confidence and lastly conducts to shyness, such as laughed at by others in publicor failing in examination all the time. If in this case, the author lackscredible evidence to arrive at the conclusion.
Toconclude, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To persuade us to accept the claim, the author must presentmore substantial evidence to prove that melatonin can lead a baby to be shy, such as to execute a survey in morenumber of infants and make sure the situation of each infant identical from thebeginning to end of the research. Besides, to better access the argument, the arguer still need to providemore information concerning melatonin.
改了楼主的几处语言,希望楼主注意一下,总体论证很清晰,不错,加油!!

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