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dtdt228
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-6-28 19:46:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 dtdt228 于 2011-6-28 23:08 编辑

On contemporary society,some people prefer working in the office,others look at working at home as an ideal situation.both working at home and working in the office have some advantages and disadvantages for people daily life.in my opinion,working in the office is more beneficial for people,I will prove the reasons one by one so you could understand my position.

Firstly,the most important part in our work is teamwork except for we do some special jobs,such as writer.We should working with other people,the communication in the work is essential.Therefore working in the office,we can interact with other people,establish friendship by having dinner with colleague when we get off the work,discussing with partners face to face.But if we working at home,we would not get this emotional react,the teamwork acts a significant role in our work and it can not be ignored .

Another reason is working at home may not improve our efficiency as we expect.If we working at home,it is inevitably possible that I would be disturbed by some trivial things.For instance,being disturbed by a salesman that knocks the door or an unpredictable telephone call that I have to answer.These interruptions of the work would distract me from my work.

In addition,working at home may make us lack of physics activities.although working at home is convenient and comfortable to us that we can roll out of bed late in the morning,putting on a pot of coffee and then begin to the work.Unfortunately,the comfortable daily life would make us lazy to go outside for the sports and activities.Although going to the office is tired,it provide us the fundamental physics activities that we should have everyday.

Due to these advantage of working in the office and drawbacks of working at home,I argue that working in the office is more beneficial and I prefer to stay in the office where the atmosphere of a great passion for work will motivate me for a better job.

非常感谢=。=

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mpromanus
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沙发

发表于 2011-6-29 19:16:15 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2011-6-29 20:39 编辑

1# dtdt228

In the contemporary society, some people prefer working in the office, others look at working at home as an ideal situation. Both working at home and working in the office have some advantages and disadvantages for people’s daily lives. In my opinion, working in the office is more beneficial for people. I will prove the reasons one by one so you could understand my position. (You don’t really need to address your reader directly. Plus, you ‘prove’ your point, or ‘tell’ the reasons of your choice – you don’t ‘prove’ your reasons, rather, your ‘reasons’ prove the validity of your choice.)

Firstly, the most important part in our work is teamwork except for when we do some special jobs, such as being a writer (Even a writer doesn’t always work alone. He may write his work alone, but he needs to collaborate with publishes in the process of getting his work into print. It’s kind of hard to say whether the job of a writer involves teamwork – because a writer may do many things other than writing.) We should working with other people, the communication in the work is essential. (These are two independent sentences, not one.) Therefore working in the office, we can interact with other people, establish friendship by having dinner with colleagues when we get off the work, discussing (‘discuss’ what?) with partners face to face. But if we working at home, we would not get this emotional reaction, (You can video chat. You can skype. It doesn’t mean you’re cut off from other people when you work at home.) the teamwork plays a significant role in our work and it cannot be ignored. (Again, this are two sentences. You cannot connect sentences together without a conjuction.)

Another reason is working at home may not improve our efficiency as we expect. If we working (You can either say ‘we work at home’, or ‘we are working at home’, but not ‘we working at home’. A gerund is a noun, not verb.) at home, it is inevitably possible that I would be disturbed by some trivial things. For instance, being disturbed by a salesman that knocks the door or an unpredictable telephone call that I have to answer. (You can get all such ‘trivial’ things when you work in an office. It’s not like salesmen will not knock on your office door or people will not call you if you’re in an office..) These interruptions of the work would distract me from my work.

In addition, working at home may make us lacking in physical activities (‘physics’ activities? ‘physics’ is a science subject..). Although working at home is convenient and comfortable to us that we can roll out of bed late in the morning, putting on a pot of coffee and then begin to the work. (This is not a complete sentence. It reads ‘although……’ and nothing else.) Unfortunately, the comfortable daily life would make us lazy to go outside for the sports and activities. (Again, it’s not like you’ll automatically have more time or motivation to exercise in the office..or even be able to find the facility to do so.)Although going to the office is tiring, it provides us with the fundamental physical activities that we should have everyday. (I’m curious..how can going to the office give you exercise? It’s not like everyone will cycle to work and climb the staircases..in fact, it is often more universally acknowledged that people working in office have less time to spare on physical activities, because they spend more time on commuting. Oh, unless you count standing and squeezing on a bus as ‘exercise’..)

Due to these advantages of working in the office and drawbacks of working at home, I argue that working in the office is more beneficial, and I prefer to stay in the office where the atmosphere of a great passion for work will motivate me for a better job.

总结：

请注意分句。你经常是该分的地方不分，不能单独成句的地方反而单独成句了。。

另外论述方面基本你说出来的好处坏处都可以原封不动地照搬到反面论点里去。。你有真的想过你支持这个论点所谓的‘理由’放在另一个论点下就不能成立吗？

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dtdt228
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板凳

发表于 2011-6-29 22:18:11 |只看该作者

2# mpromanus
1.关于第一个理由,其实我是想表达在办公室可以有更多的情感交流（或许这个应该放在中心句里？），无论是和同事面对面的交谈还是和同事吃饭，相比冰冷的电脑和电话会更好。我的表达的确有些含糊....
2.关于第二个理由，姐姐言之有理（不不，通篇修改都是有理的...)。那么如果我说在办公室里比在家里受到的打扰少，这个理由能否成立呢？
3.关于第三个那啥，其实我是想说walking is a good exercise...(因为我在家了就不想出门...能把自己做例子么?——）好吧这个理由我会换掉的...

最后再次感谢姐姐

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地板

发表于 2011-6-30 14:39:52 |只看该作者

其实我想说的就是，你这1,2,3点理由，有哪个是在家工作完全不能满足或者在办公室有绝对优势的呢。。

1. 在家工作可以视频，想和同事一起吃饭，尤其你还是说吃晚饭，那更不受限制，完全可以自己跟同事白天约好了晚上各自到达同一个地方一起吃。。现在的通讯技术和交通这么发达，你为什么认定在家工作就不能满足你情感交流需要呢？所以你要考虑的其实是：到底在情感交流这方面，在家工作比起在办公室来究竟不好在哪里。。一个单纯的‘不能满足’太宽泛了，太容易被驳斥，因为你要证明所有可能的情况都‘不能满足’才算。。但是如果是一个很specific的比较，那就比较容易。。比如，给你个最直接的例子：在办公室约同事吃晚饭，多半是站起来叫一声就行了，而且说不定还能蹭到车，在家工作的话要约同事吃晚饭还要费自己的电话费和车马费，所以不如在办公室联络感情合算！所以我才说，‘你有没有想过你的理由放在另外一边的论点下是否成立’。这样你才能挖掘出真正一针见血的东西。。

2. 在办公室里就不会受到像在家那么多打扰，这又是从何而来啊？别人要打扰你难道主要看你是在家还是在办公室吗？难道不是也看你周围的环境和人吗？比如，办公室里一个大嗓门且天天跟老婆熨电话粥的同事就坐你背后。。我觉得你主要就是想问题太喜欢拔宽，想到一个例子就直接generalize了，没有仔细去考虑各种‘打扰’的可能 - 打扰有很多种，可以是直接针对你的（你说的推销员，电话），也可以是非针对性的。参见3的回答 - 当你要generalize的时候，多想想你引出这个generalization的例子是否真的具有足够的普遍性。。

3. 自己做例子是没有问题，但是如果你要写自己作为例子，就直接说我怎么样怎么样，或者说‘像我这类的人’怎么样怎么样，而不是说‘我们’怎么样怎么样。。别人不一定跟你一样啊，你一说‘我们’，所有跟你一样不跟你一样的人统统被代表了。。

以上。以托福的要求来说，并不会对逻辑有这么高的要求。这是以我个人写论述的标准出发的评论，供你参考。

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