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albert199010
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-9-21 18:26:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 albert199010 于 2011-10-15 20:08 编辑

今天开始写作，求指导~~~求包养~~~

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窝头拌咸菜
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沙发

发表于 2011-10-1 00:22:24 |只看该作者

1# albert199010

9.21 独立改好了，之前网站停止访问，所以没发给你。。。

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Offer:0
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【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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1070810820
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板凳

发表于 2011-10-8 22:16:03 |只看该作者

10.7的已经改好了

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qqldd
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地板

发表于 2011-10-9 22:45:36 |只看该作者

1# albert199010
你作文太赞了，不过还是有个问题，是从limit hours看还是从应该不应该看电视看这个topic。。
我写时也很郁闷这点，按你文章说的，好像balance之类的，就是一种自我的limit 而child是否有这种limit呢。。
后来好像你在同意的是，应该看电视，而与limit hours没关系？

期待讨论。。

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reginakishu
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5楼

发表于 2011-10-9 23:31:05 |只看该作者

1# albert199010

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薰叶初
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6楼

发表于 2011-10-11 00:49:39 |只看该作者

本帖最后由薰叶初于 2011-10-11 01:07 编辑

额~上传不了附件~所以只能直接复制上来了删掉的我用粗体表示啦~~~看到你的作文,我都惭愧了~应该可以帮助我学到好多东西~

It is true that focusing more on achievingrealistic goals probably ensures success or at least making(与这个动词并列的是ensures,所以这里应该是makes吧?)
aliving. However, before we
jumping to the conclusionthat we should never follow dreams that are not easy to realize or evenunrealistic, something needs to be discussed and considered better.

First of all, no one can deny that it issuch unrealistic goals that in fact enhance the progress of human society, itis such unrealistic goals that in fact provide us numerous opportunities improvingour understanding of the universe, it is such unrealistic goals that in fact sustainthe ultrafast development of science and technology.(排比句中是不是应该是以分号分隔开呢,毕竟一个句号里三个完整的主谓宾用逗号隔开好像不大合理)In that case, the importance and significance of the so called unrealisticdreams would never be over emphasized. For example, when Edison first paidattention to the invention of the new light that had longer using life and better(这个词上面用过了,而且不高级,考虑下换成superior或者其他的)performance, most people thought it was mission impossible since they thoughtno material could stand such high temperature. But, as we all know, Edition andhis group succeeded in realizing this unrealistic
(一直都是用unrealistic,也可以用impractical)dreamby conducting hundreds of thousands of (其实可以用countless代替吧~这样写我觉得有点累赘)experiments.In my opinion, it is their strong minds(推荐一个搭配:indefatigable desire) to chase for the dreams that light the whole world.

Admittedly, even though some of theunrealistic dreams are actually of great importance to the human society, weshould never overdo it for the foundation of realizing any dreams lies in thereal world and
real practical goals andmoreimportantly essentiallylies in the truth and science rules of the universe.(如果写成倒装句会不会很漂亮呢?仅供参考哈~Furthermore, never should weoverdo the unrealistic ones, for thefoundation of realizing any dreams lies in the real world, practical goalsand more essentially lies in the truth and science rules of the universe, though some ofthem are actually vital to the human society.)Forinstance, early since the beginning of the human beings, people have alwaysbeen looking for or inventing machines that can provide endless power withoutany inputs. As we know, such dreams never realized(可以用cometure额,虽然很低级,总比一直都是realize好)because their aims are totally against the law of the nature. Another problemis that while some of the dreams will surely benefit the whole world ifrealized, we will never be able to do that for we have not got enough physical,mental and material preparation. For example, students who want to do well inall the exams and attend the best universities in the world would never succeedif they were always being sick for they never exercised. (我觉得你的文章中好多长句,看起来其实会很累,长短句交叉会让人读起来抑扬顿挫,比较顺畅,也可以适当用些插入语啊什么的,介词短语作为开头也会有很好的效果.For example,without sufficient exercise, students who dream to be excellent in all exams andadmitted by the best universities would never be succeed.)In aword, realistic dreams and goals are the prerequisite of any dreams or goals.(同样的意思不用每次都要一起用dreams or goals,不要太累赘了)

To sum up, while chasing for dreams whichmay be unrealistic at first sight, we should never forget the real world forthe simple reason that only by keeping an reasonable and proper balance betweenunrealistic and realistic dreams can we ensure the development of the wholesociety.

我觉得你的文章写得相当不错呀,基本上都没什么语法问题,说理也很透彻,是写过GRE作文的咩~~~有很多地方都值得我借鉴,不过我觉得你可以考虑下写一下断句穿插在文章中,不要总是追求长句,可以用一些插入语啊什么的,不过我之前有个毛病是太会用插入语导致老师都说我的句子有时候太散了.你的观点好像是没有偏向哪一方,比较中立的,我虽然觉得有道理,不过也不知道你有没有写偏题了~觉得还是选择一方说,然后对另一方用一段话做让步比较容易把握.当然这只是我的个人想法,我上面改的也不一定都对,我觉得你的水平比我高度哦了撒~~~额~~随便看看就好~
有个问题想问的是~你30分钟能打这么多字呀??我原先刚开始写作文的时候不会写,所以花一两个小时后的时间才能写这么多,后来时间缩短后最多就只能写400左右了,有什么建议么?

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byebyehaku
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7楼

发表于 2011-10-11 18:28:20 |只看该作者

现在才回到寝室~~晚了不好意思哈~

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冷暖自知，童话换一个角度发生

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albert199010
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8楼

发表于 2011-10-11 21:04:19 |只看该作者

6# 薰叶初
建议你用标准键盘多打作文（英文的），我当时练GRE AW就是这么练速度的

我是2B，我自豪！！！

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薰叶初
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9楼

发表于 2011-10-11 23:45:38 |只看该作者

可不可以帮我改下今天的作文呢?我写的不是今天布置的话题,而且刚刚才写完,已经赶不上分组了~不胜感激~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1775522507

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薰叶初
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10楼

发表于 2011-10-12 22:54:50 |只看该作者

10月12日20100522NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Working athome using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
Words：360, Time: 31 min

It is true that with the help of modernfacilities like computers and telephones people nowadays can conveniently workat home. However, before we jump to the conclusion that home working is betterthan office working, we still need to compare the pros and cons of each kind ofworking.

First of all, few people can deny that theteamwork and cooperation is of great significance for the success of a companyor any other organizations. It is because none of us can swear that we can doand we are good at donging anything if necessary. In that case, working in theoffice can provides us a place where stuff can exchange their ideas face toface while when working at home even though we can still make a phone call toeach other or discuss online, the absence of such teamworkingteam working atmosphere canhardly be ignored or replaced(replaced在这里的意思好像怪怪的,不大明白). Forexample, most members of my lab prefer to talk about the experiment’s details at the meeting roomevery Friday morning instead of online discussion. We all think that the faceto face discussion and jokes can enable a team to move forward more comfortableand happily. Besides, discussion and expression through phones or computers maynot as clear as talking directly since we can draw graphs or schemesimmediately when needed.

But what I discussed above doesn’t meanthat we should abandon the convenience the new development of science andtechnology brought us. On the contrary, with the help of internet ortelephones, many people are able to successfully settle kinds of problems oraffairs at home while enjoying the happiness staying with family. To be more specific,lots of managers prefer to stay at home using computers or cellphones toarrange the assignment for their stuff and have online meeting with othermanagers.

To sum up, home working or office workinghas its own advantages and disadvantages. What we need to do is to compare themand choose one that can fit our condition. Only in this way can we make fulluse of the progress of science and technology as well as enjoy the cooperationspirit of a team.

这篇文章基本上没什么问题啦~听了你说用标准键盘练速度的建议,今天我专门去买了一个回来.现在又有另外一个问题想问你啦~你是如何在30分钟内想到要写的内容的呢?我现在30分钟内写不完的一个重要原因就是不知道要写什么~~~

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