[i习作temp] Issue28 【第一次写跪求指点】 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-3-26 17:08:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

唉..这是第一篇issue...还是照着提纲写的...用了一个多小时....4.21就要考了....

求好心人喷...各种指点.....谢谢

文章题目：

Issue28
The surestindicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of itsrulers, artists, or scientists, but by the general welfare of its people.

According to the speaker, it’s the welfareof its people that plays the major role of representing the nation’s greatness, ratherthan the achievement of its rulers, artists or scientists. AlthoughI agree that the welfare of the citizens is the basic standard to evaluate anation, the achievements of those elites are also involved as the prompt to theimprovement of the people’s welfare, thus plays an indispensible role in representingthe nation as well.

As it’s all known that there exists many aspects of the criterionto evaluate a nation----from the justice of the course and control overcorruption, to the development of economic and reform of many systems. One maytry to figure out which of these perspectives is the most essential for theevaluation, while all these aspects share the common objective, that is, to providea better live for its citizens. In another word, it’s for the welfare of itscitizens.

All of these commonplace facts which we encounter in ourdaily lives, are based on the principle of democracy. That is, we, the people,are in responsible for and in charge of our own interest and that the welfareof the people is considered first. As is known as axiom to all that howdemocracy can influence a nation, thus people’s welfare, an aspect of the democracy,thus remain the significance for representing a nation.

Nonetheless, the speaker ignores the important role, evendetermining, that the achievements in every field play in the development ofthe citizen’s better life. And these achievements, can even be regarded as theunderground and premise for citizens’ better living, not only in terms of material,but also in terms of spirit.

Think about the Ancient Greek, the origin of Westerncivilization, which has exerted great influence over on the world’s civilizationin every aspect, from its philosophy to its achievement in arts. Without Platoand Socrates, think about how the following philosophers, such as Hegel, would putforward the Materialist Dialectics. Without the Athenian democracy, the democracywould not have come “easy”, absence of which may leave us in the dark autocracyfor long. Thus the term of “welfare” is meaningless at all, and in no way availableis the evaluation of nation. Without the literature, including the famous Epic poetry suchas IIiad and Odyssey , and the Lyric poetry, what todays’ literature is goingto be is unimaginable.

Besides, considerThe Industrial Revolution and the scientists that devoted themselves into theirresearches, which bring us a total different lifestyle, such as Wattand Von Neumann. Without the achievement of Watt, which props the IndustrialRevolution and also gets us rid of the carriage into the engine-providedtransportation, the subway today may still be a dream one even dare not toimagine. Without the achievement of Von Neumann, the invention of the personcomputer and internet, which we can’t live without, may be postponed to a fewdecades later, or even will not be created at all. Thus the electronic commercesuch as Amazon and eBay, and the social network such as the Facebook andTwitter, from which we benefits the convenience brought by the technology, arestill a portion of the blueprint. No one will deny that all these are part ofour welfare.

In sum, the speaker’s claim overstates the importance of thewelfare of citizens in representing the nation, at least to some extent. Whilethe principle of democracy requires us to emphasis the welfare, the achievementof the rulers, as well as the artists and the scientists are also indispensiblefactor in determining the greatness of the nation, one that may even play amajor role in determine the improvement of the welfare of the citizens.

Issue, 法律, 社会, 政治, 作文批改

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shinian1987
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发表于 2012-3-26 18:43:12 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 shinian1987 于 2012-3-26 18:44 编辑

According to the speaker, it’s the welfare of its people that plays the major role of representing the nation’s greatness, rather than the achievement of its rulers, artists or scientists. Although I agree that the welfare of the citizens is the basic standard to evaluate a nation, the achievements of those elites are also involved as the prompt to the improvement of the people’s welfare, thus plays an indispensible role in representing the nation as well.

As it’s all known that there exists many aspects of the criterion to evaluate a nation----from the justice of the course and control over corruption, to the development of economic and reform of many systems. One may try to figure out which of these perspectives is the most essential for the evaluation, while all these aspects share the common objective, that is, to provide a better live for its citizens. In another word, it’s for the welfare of its citizens.

All of these commonplace facts which we encounter in our daily lives, are based on the principle of democracy. That is, we, the people, are in responsible for and in charge of our own interest and that the welfare of the people is considered first. As is known as axiom to all that how democracy can influence a nation, thus people’s welfare, an aspect of the democracy, thus remain the significance for representing a nation.

Nonetheless, the speaker ignores the important role, even determining that the achievements in every field play in the development of the citizen’s better life. And these achievements, can even be regarded as the underground and premise for citizens’ better living, not only in terms of material, but also in terms of spirit.

Think about the Ancient Greek, the origin of Western civilization, which has exerted great influence over on the world’s civilization in every aspect, from its philosophy to its achievement in arts. Without Plato and Socrates, think about how the following philosophers, such as Hegel, would put forward the Materialist Dialectics. Without the Athenian democracy, the democracy would not have come “easy”, absence of which may leave us in the dark autocracy for long. Thus the term of “welfare” is meaningless at all, and in no way available is the evaluation of nation. Without the literature, including the famous Epic poetry such as Iliad and Odyssey, and the Lyric poetry, what todays’ literature is going to be is unimaginable.

Besides, consider The Industrial Revolution and the scientists that devoted themselves into their researches, which bring us a total different lifestyle, such as Watt and Von Neumann. Without the achievement of Watt, which props the Industrial Revolution and also gets us rid of the carriage into the engine-provided transportation, the subway today may still be a dream one even dare not to imagine. Without the achievement of Von Neumann, the invention of the person computer and internet, which we can’t live without, may be postponed to a few decades later, or even will not be created at all. Thus the electronic commerce such as Amazon and eBay, and the social network such as the Facebook and Twitter, from which we benefits the convenience brought by the technology, are still a portion of the blueprint. No one will deny that all these are part of our welfare.

In sum, the speaker’s claim overstates the importance of the welfare of citizens in representing the nation, at least to some extent. While the principle of democracy requires us to emphasis the welfare, the achievement of the rulers, as well as the artists and the scientists are also indispensible factor in determining the greatness of the nation, one that may even play a major role in determine the improvement of the welfare of the citizens.

nice job
思路清晰，例证丰富。文章的逻辑结构也很清楚。

徘徊记忆的边缘，当年几点深情，如遥灵，为盈盈一笑，斜阳染幽草；昔日几许仗义，似遥如，相伴而行，莫失莫忘。壮志凌云几分愁，知己难逢几人留，当初诺言，沧海桑田，流走的时光越来越远，还能再记得他们，十几二十几的年龄，如花似梦，是他们是我们最美丽的相逢，花开花落望穿多少个秋。

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