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[优秀习作] issue36 评价伟人 [复制链接]

pooh
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-1-23 22:50:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

写了时间很长，很郁闷，xdjm给我指点指点不足吧，谢了

. The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.【36】
一个人是否伟大是由后人评定的而非他同时代的人。

When people  come across  this question : Who can decide the greatness of individuals , it is those who live after them or those of their contemporaries, they are easily misled into a dilemma. Because they would mistaken the question as : it is the time that the commenters  live in that matters when evaluating the greatness of individuals .And they are forced to make a choice between the alternatives, which may keep them from unveil the mask of the truth.  I propose that since the system of our cognition develops in a gradually way, and the system of our knowledge is accumulating bit by bit , if the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and criterion, their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries ;otherwise, a process must be needed to recognize their greatness as the development of human cognition system.

On the one hand, the greatness of individuals could be recognized if their contributions could be understood within human beings' cognition system. Any evaluation indeed is based on the agreement of a number of people that are experts in the relevant field ,if is not recognized by the most populace. What is the exact course that these people criticize on the contributions of the individuals? And To what extend that the contribution could be recognized as greatness ? According to our own experiences, when one appraises the contribution of an individual, there must be a criterion that comes from the present system of his or her knowledge .Then after a comparison with the criterion , one finally acquire the idea about the very thing ,and a conclusion is available . If the contribution happens to be qualified as  greatness , that is because it counts for the models that represent the greatness in his or her criterion. For instance, as a great writer , Shakespeare has been greatly valued from his period till now, not only in that his works are classic masterpieces no matter in terms of mastery of rhetoric or in terms of his harshness of the dramatic conflictions  ,but also for the humanism that  complied with the groundswell during the Renaissance are emphasized throughout his works.  In another words, from the form to the content of his works all can resonate his contemporary readers. Therefore, if the system of cognition and knowledge of the commenters could develop to the extent as to understand the contributions or works of these individuals , these individuals' greatness could be decided at that time.

On the other hand, what if the system of cognition and knowledge of the contemporaries are confined to certain degree at the same time  those individuals ' contributions are beyond.  History has been fraught with such cases. A case in point is Bruno, who used Copernican principles in formulating his cosmic theory of an infinite universe. Condemned by the Inquisition for heresy, immoral conduct, and blasphemy, he was burned at the stake. A heretic he was seen at that time, his viewpoint  is accepted widely nowadays and himself has been thought of high now . What makes such a big difference must be because of the difference in the structures of knowledge system of people of the two times.  At that time ,people's minds and bodies are confined and supervised by the Inquisition , as well as the knowledge were only limited in theology and philosophy while science was only a baby in the cradle. The idea of Bruno  that drastically impacted on the contemporary system of knowledge  shattered the very basis of value system into pieces. Because of the idea is so alien to their traditional one, it is  antagonized , however, what he held on has become the common knowledge of everyone of our era.  In this case, though the greatness of such kind of individuals as Bruno cannot be recognized at their time, with the development of human being's knowledge and cognition system, sooner or later  they’ll deserve a fair evaluation.

Moreover, the evaluation on the greatness of individuals may not always be disinterested and fair and there must be a tortuous process for the greatness to gain the righteous judgment in that the structure of cognition system differs from time to time. After all, as a social creature, human beings cannot transcend his or her limitation imposed by the time  ,  and few have the ability to foresee the future.

In sum,  the process of human being's cognition is a gradually one and the cognition system varies from time to time as the development of knowledge. If  the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and cognition system, it is more likely that their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries; otherwise, there must be a period of time to recognize the greatness with the ever-enlarging knowledge system of human beings.

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imong
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沙发

发表于 2004-1-25 17:06:26 |只看该作者

总论点漂亮极了，一针见血。因此引出来了两个方面的论述，分别是body1和body2。倒数第二段基本上完全多余，删。

可惜的是，本来可以成为经典范文的一篇文章，被用词行文上的各种错误给糟蹋掉了。

When people come across this question : Who can decide the greatness of individuals , it is those who live after them or those of their contemporaries, they are easily misled into a dilemma. 在这里中间那个句子怎么能就这样给原封不动插进去？！！Because they would mistaken the question as : it is the time that the commenters live in that matters when evaluating the greatness of individuals .And they are forced to make a choice between the alternatives, which may keep them from unveil the mask of（of？个人认为看上去像是truth自己家里买的mask？） the truth. I propose that since the system of our cognition develops in a gradually（这个是副词！） way, and the system of our knowledge is accumulating bit by bit（这两句话和主题有什么关系？有关系而没写清楚，则给人的感觉就是“光荣伟大正确”这种套话，散而空） , if the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and criterion, their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries ;otherwise, a course must be needed to recognize their greatness as the development of human cognition system.

另外补充一点：原题说的是can be decided，事实上can不can的话，大家现在都在decide，问题的关键其实是能不能correctly之类的，但是原题把这里隐藏了起来，自己写的时候不妨找机会赶紧挑明。

A heretic he was seen at that time, his viewpoint is accepted widely 前面如果是后面的分句，看看成分的对应关系，而且前面又不像倒装又不像分词引导，我也搞不清是什么。

说实在的我恨不得把你抓过来面批通篇所有的大大小小类似错误，因为实在难得看到开头这么精辟的论点。如果每篇的critical thinking都能做到这样，okay，逻辑上过关了，但是如果语言制约了思维的表达，小心死得很难看！

如果想继续改，自己先好好彻底查两遍。

Rien de réel ne peut être menacé.
Rien d'irréel n'existe.

pooh
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板凳

发表于 2004-1-25 17:46:30 |只看该作者

谢谢imong，连critique都这么classic，我会努力改正的。
自我批评：
1 语言上的问题的确很严重，不仅是语法，还有觉得词汇量受到限制，以前背了2遍红宝都用不上，我现在已经开始熟记toefl词汇了，平时看别人文章的时候也注意总结词汇。
2

原题说的是can be decided，事实上can不can的话，大家现在都在decide，问题的关键其实是能不能correctly之类的，但是原题把这里隐藏了起来，自己写的时候不妨找机会赶紧挑明。

imong 说的的确enligten me, 这点我没注意到
3

A heretic he was seen at that time, his viewpoint is accepted widely 前面如果是后面的分句，看看成分的对应关系，而且前面又不像倒装又不像分词引导，我也搞不清是什么。

这是个让步壮语从句，前面是分句而且倒装。
4 不好意思了， :o ，我会好好改过再仔细检查两遍的，不过说实话我是已经自己检查了两遍的，可惜有自己的limitation，意识不到错误，however,我还是会反复修改的.Still be optimistic :D

Many thax again to imong ;)

pooh
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地板

发表于 2004-1-26 14:26:49 |只看该作者

issue36 自己反省改过后重贴，请大家来掐

3. The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.【36】
一个人是否伟大是由后人评定的而非他同时代的人。

When people come across such question : Who can verdict the greatness of individuals , it is those who live after them or those contemporaries, People are easily misled into a dilemma. Because they would mistaken the question as : it is the time that the commenters  live in that matters when evaluating the greatness of individuals and thus they are forced to make a choice between the alternatives, which may keep them from unveil the truth.  I propose that since the system of our cognition develops in a gradual way, and the system of our knowledge is accumulating bit by bit . If the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and live up to the available criterion, their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries ;otherwise, a course must be needed to recognize their greatness as the advancement in knowledge and technology.

On the one hand, the contribution of individuals could be respected if their contributions could be understood within human beings' cognition system. Any evaluation indeed is based on the agreement of at least a number of people ,most likely experts, in the relevant field ,if is not recognized by the most populace. How could these people criticize on the contributions of the individuals?  To what extend that the contribution could be recognized as greatness ? According to our own experiences, when one appraises the contribution of an individual, there must be a criterion that comes from the present system of his or her knowledge .Then after a comparison with the standard , one finally draw an conclusion on the merit of the very thing. If the contribution happens to be qualified as  greatness , that is because it counts for the paradigm that represents the greatness in his or her criterion. For instance, as a great writer , Shakespeare has been greatly valued from his period till now, not only in that his works are classic masterpieces no matter in terms of transcendent mastery of rhetoric or in terms of his harness of the dramatic conflictions, but also for the humanism that complied with the groundswell of Renaissance is emphasized throughout his playwrites and poems .  In another word, from the form to the content of his works all can resonate his contemporary readers. Therefore, if the system of cognition and knowledge of the commenters could develop to the extent as to understand the contributions or works of these individuals , these individuals' greatness could be cherished as great treasuries.

On the other hand, what if the system of cognition and knowledge of the contemporaries are confined to a certain degree, at the same time  those individuals ' contributions transcend.  History has been fraught with examples. A case in point is Bruno, who used Copernican principles in formulating his cosmic theory of an infinite universe. Condemned by the Inquisition for heresy, immoral conduct, and blasphemy, he was burned at the stake. A heretic he was seen at that time, he has been thought of high now and his viewpoint is accepted widely nowadays even as a basic knowledge. What makes such a big difference could ascribe to the varied structure of knowledge system of people in distant times.  In Bruno’s time ,people's mind and body are confined and supervised by the Inquisition , as well as the knowledge were only limited in theology and philosophy and science was only a baby in the cradle. Bruno’s idea drastically impacted on the contemporary system of knowledge  and even shattered the very basis of value system into pieces. Since the idea is so alien to the traditional one, it is antagonized . However, what he held on has become the common knowledge of everyone of our era after it is further explored and proven by following scientist.  In this case, though heroes like Bruno were neglected by their contemporaries, with the development of human being's knowledge and cognition system, sooner or later their ray of light will penetrate the dark clouds and shine like a star in history.

Admittedly, the evaluation on the greatness of individuals may not always be disinterested and fair and there must be a tortuous course for the greatness to gain the righteous judgment. After all, as a social creature, human beings cannot transcend his or her and few have the ability to foresee the future.  In sum, the course of human being's cognition is a gradual one and the cognition system varies from time to time as the development of knowledge.  If the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and cognition system, it is more likely that their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries; otherwise, there must be a course to recognize the greatness with the ever-adjusting knowledge system of human beings.

so猫
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5楼

发表于 2004-1-26 17:06:21 |只看该作者

3. The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.【36】
一个人是否伟大是由后人评定的而非他同时代的人。

When people come across such question: Who can verdict the greatness of individuals,（偶觉得这句话好怪呀要不用个从句不要用冒号好了要不感觉后面应该是问号的） it is those who live after them or those contemporaries, People are easily misled into a dilemma. Because they would mistaken the question as: it is the time that the commenters（commentators） live in that matters when evaluating the greatness of individuals and thus they are forced to make a choice between the alternatives, which may keep them from unveil the truth. I propose that since the system of our cognition develops in a gradual way, and the system of our knowledge is accumulating bit by bit. If the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and live up to the available criterion, their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries; otherwise, a course must be needed to recognize their greatness as the advancement in knowledge and technology.

好长的开头啊~~~~~~~~~~~
而且觉得思路好象有点混乱咧~~~~~~找不到TS都~~~（可能是我眼拙吧）

On the（这个the要吗？） one hand, the contribution of individuals could be respected if their contributions could be understood within human beings' cognition system. Any evaluation indeed is based on the agreement of at least a number of people, most likely experts, in the relevant field, if is not recognized by the most populace. How could these people criticize on the contributions of the individuals? To what extend that the contribution could be recognized as greatness? According to our own experiences, when one appraises the contribution of an individual, there must be a criterion that comes from the present system of his or her knowledge .Then after a comparison with the standard , one finally draw an conclusion on the merit of the very thing. If the contribution happens to be qualified as greatness, that（用it比较好吧） is because it counts for the paradigm that represents the greatness in his or her criterion. For instance, as a great writer, Shakespeare has been greatly valued from his period till now, not only in that his works are classic masterpieces no matter in terms of transcendent mastery of rhetoric or in terms of his harness of the dramatic conflictions, but also for the humanism that complied with the groundswell of Renaissance is emphasized throughout his playwrites and poems. In another word, from the form to the content of his works all can resonate his contemporary readers. Therefore, if the system of cognition and knowledge of the commenters（commentators） could develop to the extent as to understand the contributions or works of these individuals , these individuals' greatness could be cherished as great treasuries.

On the other hand, what if the system of cognition and knowledge of the contemporaries are confined to a certain degree, at the same time those individuals ' contributions transcend. History has been fraught with examples. A case in point is Bruno, who used Copernican principles in formulating his cosmic theory of an infinite universe. Condemned by the Inquisition for heresy, immoral conduct, and blasphemy, he was burned at the stake. A heretic he was seen at that time, he has been thought of high now and his viewpoint is accepted widely nowadays even as a basic knowledge. What makes such a big difference could ascribe to the varied structure of knowledge system of people in distant times. In Bruno’s time, people's mind and body are confined and supervised by the Inquisition, as well as the knowledge were only limited in theology and philosophy and science was only a baby in the cradle. Bruno’s idea drastically impacted on the contemporary system of knowledge and even shattered the very basis of value system into pieces. Since the idea is so alien to the traditional one, it is antagonized. However, what he held on has become the common knowledge of everyone of our era after it is further explored and proven by following scientist. In this case, though heroes like Bruno were neglected by their contemporaries, with the development of human being's knowledge and cognition system, sooner or later their ray of light will penetrate the dark clouds and shine like a star in history.（超级诗意化的语言哦~~~）
我不知道是不是我的理解有误怎么觉得这一段和中心的意思违背了呢？
如果不违背那么从上面两段的比重来看你的观点是骑墙派罗但是开头段我并没有看出这样的意思啊

Admittedly, the evaluation on the greatness of individuals may not always be disinterested and fair and there must be a tortuous course for the greatness to gain the righteous judgment. After all, as a social creature, human beings cannot transcend his or her and few have the ability to foresee the future. In sum, the course of human being's cognition is a gradual one and the cognition system varies from time to time as the development of knowledge. If the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and cognition system, it is more likely that their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries; otherwise, there must be a course to recognize the greatness with the ever-adjusting knowledge system of human beings.
首先 JJ在写标点之前不要空格写完以后再空要不我的word弄的里面N多绿杠杠~~~
我真是好佩服JJ的例子看的我头都要晕了亏我还是学理科的
还有JJ造句和用词都很漂亮向你学习ing~~~~~
而且JJ又写了好多字呀是限时写的吗？

True love never runs smooth.

pooh
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6楼

发表于 2004-1-27 13:55:37 |只看该作者

谢谢猫猫，以后标点会注意的，呵呵，真的有这个问题。
我写的时候没有限时，况且这次是专门抽时间来仔细捉摸语言的问题，上次imong批评我，受了打击。
开头段，第一个冒号改为引号比较好。TS是最后一句
第三段我自己认为没有跑，大体是说伟人在当时可能不被理解和重视，是因为人们的认知体系的问题，随着知识的增加和修正，他们的伟大会被逐步认识到的。

Thx 猫猫

kobe niu
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7楼

发表于 2004-1-27 14:53:55 |只看该作者

When people come across such question : Who can verdict the greatness of individuals , it is those who live after them or those contemporaries,，（应该问句吧，开头有些指代不明）
which may keep them from unveil the truth.，这句太长了，有些乱，开头观点更鲜明些会更好，
If the contribution happens to be qualified as greatness , that is because it counts for the paradigm that represents the greatness in his or her criterion. 这句感觉不好，好象没说完是不是if 和 because不能一起用那
If the greatness of individuals could be realized by the temporal knowledge and cognition system, it is more likely that their greatness could be valued by their contemporaries; otherwise, there must be a course to recognize the greatness with the ever-adjusting knowledge system of human beings.
我始终没有理解你的意思，到底应该由谁来评价，comtempories感觉说明白了，但后来人这一点好象没有说明白
总之，本文还是非常好的，长句用的太好了，但要注意条理，我只是新手，说的不对的，你就忍一忍吧

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