[i习作temp] issue128 处女篇教育类请多帮我改改哦 [复制链接]

mist1941
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-12-1 18:57:51 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

128. It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
教育的目的据称是要解放思想和精神。然而实际上，正规的教育是要遏制我们的思维和精神而不是解放他们。

The speaker asserts that the formal education is not free the mind and the spirit, but it is tends to his opposition actually. While I concede that in some circumstances, our minds and spirits were restrained, in most field formal education help student develop own value system and freedom to choice his own way. This applies equally to individual needs and to societal needs.

First, everybody in democracy society must be educated that they are free in any time. Human being is born with a blank brain, just like a seed will become a tall tree only after it has been watered, fertilized, trimmed on the schedule. For example, Colleges and Universities, institutions of higher education that offer programs beyond the high school level. College and University provide necessary training for individuals wishing to enter professional careers. They also strive to develop student’s creativity, insight, and analytical skills. By acquainting students with complex ideas in an intellectually stimulating environment, colleges and universities can provide unique opportunities for personal enrichment while also preparing students for future careers. And, so it provides students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas which is all free to accept. Besides helping students develop their own value systems at liberty, educators should instill in student certain basic values which any democratic society depends; otherwise our freedom to choose our own jobs and careers might not survive in the long term. These values include principles of fairness and equity upon which our system of laws is bases, as well as the values of tolerance and respect when it come to the viewpoints of others. In short, formal education not only gives individuals the basal skills to living, but also a free mind to choosing.

On a society level we also need formal education to free our mind and the spirit, as it had done. Formal education is designed to guide us learning a culture, molding their behaviour in the ways of adulthood, and directing them toward our eventual role in society. And, as the history has proved, the civilization of human being made a big progress when the formal education is developed.

Admittedly, in a certain period or to a certain person, formal educational serve to restrain the mind and spirit. The person like Bill Gate and Michel Dell who must be think education is a hindrance for them. So they not wasted little time, and went to the business in good occasion.

And, in the extreme, if lost formal education to free mind but restrict it, individuals or society will in pain. The example for it can begin with a cultural phenomenon. In 1998, the drama and special effects of the American movie Titanic created a sensation among Chinese middle-aged people returned to theatres over and over-crying their way through the film. One might ask why middle-aged Chinese moviegoers became so emotionally involved with story told in Titanic. The reason is from 1966 to 1976 the Cultural Revolution convulsed China, destroying any possibility of educational or career advancement for millions of people. At that time, communist authorities had also discouraged romantic love and promoted politically correct marriage based on class background and revolutionary commitment. And it is just a political mistake or a social evolution. Nowadays formal education is more and more emphasized in China which is one of the most important nation in the world.

In sum, formal education to set our mind and spirit free is very important in personal growing and social evolution. Restraining in mind maybe happened, but it is only in a very special circumstance.
（579words）

这篇是我处女作，没限制时间，并不时查找字典。这月25号我就要去上海财大考试了，本人英语基础及其差希望大家能多提建议并多多帮助。谢谢啊！下一篇我写关于学习类的，争取每类写一篇，有难写的题目吗？这篇文章能得几分？4分难吗？

人生犹如钟摆，在痛苦和无聊之间摆来摆去。......自人们把一切痛苦和折磨变成地狱的概念之后，留给天堂的就只有无聊了。

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mist1941
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-1 19:22:30 |只看该作者

这次作文总结了很多，等考完和大家一起分享。

人生犹如钟摆，在痛苦和无聊之间摆来摆去。......自人们把一切痛苦和折磨变成地狱的概念之后，留给天堂的就只有无聊了。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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不怕开水烫的猪
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板凳

发表于 2004-12-1 20:23:38 |只看该作者

The speaker asserts that the formal education is not to free the mind and the spirit, but it is tends to his opposition actually. While I concede that in some circumstances, our minds and spirits are restrained, in most field formal education help student develop own value system and freedom to choose his own way. This applies equally to individual needs and to societal needs.

First, everybody in democracy society must be educated that they are free in any time这里that什么意思啊. Human being is born with a blank brain, just like a seed will become a tall tree only after it has been watered, fertilized, trimmed on the schedule.

语法问题改起来太麻烦了，说说整体思路吧，这才是关键。我觉得你这篇文章思路的问题挺大的。首先应该把题目看懂，好像你对题目的理解不深。这个题目我也觉得挺难写的。

先说第二段吧，虽然写的很多，但和题目有直接联系的好像只有一两句。basic skills 和 career 和解放思想没必然的关系啊，为什么要写那么多呢？

再说第三段，as the history has proved, 之后至少也要举两个例子啊？举一个也比没有强。没有例子，你这句话只是你自己的一个观点，没有根据。

第四段还算可以吧

第五段，这里犯了imong的训练里提的那个should和is的错误吧。题目问得是正规教育有没有束缚思想，而不是应不应该束缚思想或者束缚思想有什么害处。不过这段的例子还是有价值的。

个人意见，仅供参考

btw:
这算是我批的最狠的一篇了。希望mist mm不要介意

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